SENT TO ME:


Sir after the initial I-thought or rather witnessing of thought is over ,a stream of conciousness is maintained for sometime till a few thoughts disturb it too.This the dark void or emptyness we call conciousness which i had earlier termed "me"  ,i see i was identyfying with this earlier taking that to be the subject and thoughts to be the object.But clearly now i can see that the "conciousness" itself is the object.

This is a very important insight is it not? Consciousness is not you. The Void is not you. For years I made a mistake of identifying with the void as me, even though, in a way, I knew better, because I was not one with it. Oneness came and went thousands of times, but was not a steady state.


In Zen, no one was pointing beyond the void. In a sense, the true you beyond the Void; what can it be called, or how can it be described? The Void beyond the Void?, or "That which has no qualities, including existence or Voidness?" 


There are various Samadhis wherein you become one with objects in consciousness, or even the Void. When you become one with the Void, you become everything-oneness. But Samadhis are temporary.


You cannot do Samadhi on the source. The source is already complete, whole and self-contained and entirely beyond the world of objects and consciousness including the Void.

During the course as i was witnessing the "conciousness" itself many times few floating totally irrelevant thoughts would appear and try disturb the state.Especially when i see only the "conciousness" it goes "Ah i see it" ,a thought .So now i witness the "consciousness" and also the apparent "thought" ,this is not an identification of thought,it just meaningless thought which appear and disaapear.So the "one" witnesses both the consciousness and the thought.My question sir is :

1) What do i do with the thoughts which sprang on their own? I can witness the start of them and then they do dissapear but they appear again disturbing the witnessing of the object "consciousness".Many times i can maintain witnessing both the "consciousness" and thought at the same time.Will these meaningless thoughts completely disappear or no?

Don’t worry about the thoughts. They no longer have any power over you. Just focus on the sense of “I AM,” if you can locate that, otherwise focus on the container of consciousness, the Void-nature interpenetrating all phenomena as the container and background, and then occasionally, try to turn around and catch the subject or witness of the void.

By being extremely attentive to the field of conciousness ,the thoughts do fade away but they appear again after soemtimes especially when i "have it"
Will these meaningless thoughts completely disappear ever?

The thoughts no longer have power. Ignore them. They will always be there randomly as long as you have a brain and body. The brain is sort of like a radio receiver, picking specific thoughts out of the void depending on your past experience and genetics. You consciously have gone beyond thoughts and the power of thought.

The thing about witnessing is that it prevades normal waking stage too, meaning during office work and my walks especialy when i am not engrossed with work, i see the witness of the stream of conciousness and the thoughts which appear and disapear.The witnesser or subject can witness both at the same time,though the thought is powerless, is no more loud ,it is mild ,barely recognisable most of the time,but it still exists nonetheless.

2)I try locating where this subject is ,who is witnessing both but i cant find it anywhere,meaning the witnesser (at the background)cant be traced. The moment i can locate the witnesser ,it will cease to be the subject,it will become another object...sometimes i feel he is at the 3rd eye witnessing the awareness or consciousness and sometimes i feel he is at the heart..You said "watch the watcher" but i cant find him anywhere?

You can’t watch the watcher, so what conclusion can you draw? 

The observer does not exist in this world or any other!  You are beyond existence entirely.  You are not part of the manifest world You are not found within consciousness.  This world has nothing to do with you. This was Robert's message: Don't participate in the world, it has nothing to do with you.

I read a few stanza 7 to 8 of the Gita ,i get it but i will move very very slowly with it...perhaps 1 to 2 stanzas a day....

This is perfect. You are now answering the greatest questions posed by all beings through time. Consciousness---God---is revealing everything to you. There is no need to rush.  When I first read Nisargadatta’s “Prior to Consciousness,” I could read at most a page a day, sometimes only a paragraph.  Each sentence was like a hammer blow to my mind.  Even the second and third time.

Where you are, not 1/1,000 has touched. Don’t worry about speed. You are doing well.

Hows Momji doing? Has the condition improved?

She is fine, almost 100% recovered now.

Many Pranams,
 Rajiv

SENT TO ME:

Dear Ed, I have corresponded with you throughout this apparent journey. Which ultimately was not a journey anyplace just a tossing aside of my whole imaginary existence. One question, I have always taken pointers about the eternal now to mean there is nothing that seperates this moment from any other moment, only mental limitations (ie clock time). Lately, however there has been a very strong feeling that more than that, the states of waking, dream, and sleep are not linear, but are actually all happening at once, then the mind comes in and seperates them.  My experience is that ultimately none of the states are real and the mind kinda lines them up in rotation to keep some semblance of life. Is this more mind stuff? 

Yes, your understanding is fairly accurate, although I never got the
feeling that my mind was doing the arranging.  I think what is doing
the arranging lies beyond the mind. None of it is real, but the
imaginary body has its imaginary processes which cause fluctuations in
Consciousness. Yes, all the states appear to be similtaneously present. You might be right that it is the mind that is arranging them, but it would not be your personal mind, but a universal mind which you appear to participate in.

The thoughts that come to you are not really your thoughts either, but
universal thoughts floating in the void that your specific
beingness--body-mind apparatus--seems to pick out and accept as its
own.

It is all quite fascinating, isn’t it?  Nothing is as it seems before penetrating to the deepest level of consciousness and beyond. "Ordinary" people have no idea about all this. If they read this site we'd all be condemned to an asylum. 

SENT TO ME BY DAVID:

"To go all the way, you have to become nothing, useless. You have to let God or your teacher take everything away from you, including your knowledge and understanding, and become nothing."

This is so true.  Surrender means your life is over -- period.  The body may continue to be extremely active in the world, but it's a body of ashes, running around in a phantasmal dream world that never was.  The Jnani may laugh with the laughing and sympathize with the sorrowful, feast in golden hued palaces or live on the street and search through garbage for his meals, raise a family in the suburbs or dwell in a cave as a hermit.  It's all the same.  It's an irrelevant non-experience completely devoid of any meaning or consequence.  It's not the waking state, it's not a dream, it's not Turiya, it's not real, unreal or any state or non-state that language or thought can describe or point to.  It just is ... and it's good.

This sounds absolutely horrible to most people.  They can only conceive of the relative happiness or unhappiness that's tied to identification with the human experience.  They cling to objects which bring them joy, even though they know those same objects will eventually change or go away entirely, causing them great sadness.  They do this because they haven't ever had a glimpse of real, limitless joy, and they don't want to give up the limited happiness they sometimes experience because they don't believe there's anything better.

So, like heroin addicts, people are always looking for their next fix to get them through another day.  Eventually, they get sick of it all.  They decide that happiness laced with poison sucks -- that it's just not worth it.  They don't want to participate in the madness anymore, even if it means giving up the so-called good things.  Then they wake up, and experience the real joy of who they are (i.e., aren't).  This process takes a long time, yet happens in an instant.

Be well Ed.

David

Yesterday's post was about becoming nothing. It is full of concepts such as phenomena, noumena, consciousness, existence and to the void. As such, it is a complete lie. Concepts can never grasp the real.

The point of posting was only a warning not to stop practicing too soon.

To go all the way, you have to become nothing, useless. You have to let God or your teacher take everything away from you, including your knowledge and understanding, and become nothing.

Most seekers will not do this. They want to be something, and unitary consciousness feels like a good place to stop.

Robert was the Good For Nothing Man. That is why he never had more than 50 people come to Satsang while other teachers had thousands. Only those who were willing to give up everything would accept becoming nothing as a goal.

I arrived last night in Phoenix and saw my mom for the first time in two years. She was released from the hospital after an 8-day stay two days ago. She says she feels great. She has a condition that could recur at any time at which could kill her, namely diverticulitis with severe infection and bleeding. At age 92 the doctors refuse to provide survival odds if she had to undergo surgery if the bleeding became too severe.

I brought two books with me in case I had time to begin preparing lessons on Robert's teachings, Prior To Consciousness by Jean Dunn, and Consciousness in the Absolute, also by Jean.

Jean and I had grown to become friends over the years prior to her death. She had a friend in Los Angeles who she visited quite frequently, and whenever she was here, I would see her, usually at a hotel near the Los Angeles airport. We would talk for hours. Our last visit was about two years before she died. She had severe emphysema and the depressurization in the airplane’s cabin nearly killed her. The doctors told her that she could never fly again.

During this visit she gave me a photograph she had taken of Nisargadatta along with little book called "Self Knowledge and Self-Realization" by Maharaj. Both are posted on the http//itisnotreal.com website.

Last night I was glancing through her Consciousness and the Absolute book for the first time in several years. She very carefully explains the essence of Maharaj’s teachings, which is even more carefully elucidated by Nisargadatta himself in the following 4 pages of chapter One.

As a backdrop I wanted to explain that Robert once or twice a private told me that there was no Consciousness, that Consciousness itself was only apparent, it was illusion. This is precisely Maharaj’s teaching. Robert told me that he really couldn't say this public because people would not accept that message. He even joked that people would kill him for that message.

Isn’t this precisely true? Are not most of the spiritual teachers today saying only that your essence is Consciousness, Consciousness is all that there is, and calling that beingness? Their message is that the ego is not real, but Consciousness, beingness, is all that there is and is eternal.

In fact, both Robert and Nisargadatta equivocate in these precise teachings. In fact, in both Robert and in Nisargadatta, you can find a little bit of everything, including talks where Robert will say you are Consciousness itself, beyond the mind and ego. At other times, he would publicly say that you are beyond the Consciousness, you are beyond everything.

On introductory page vii, Jean Dunn states concerning Nisargadatta’s teachings, "Abiding in the "I-Amness" (or Consciousness, which is pure love), that Consciousness itself will give us all the answers. At the present time, Consciousness is what we are, not personal Consciousness, but impersonal universal Consciousness. In the course of time, the Consciousness will show us that we are not even this, but we are that Eternal, Absolute, unborn, undying."

This is very clear. He is saying your essential true nature is beyond Consciousness. You are beyond Consciousness, beyond the I am, beyond the ego, beyond the body. This is precisely Robert's teachings.

On page 4 of the book itself, Maharaj himself states:

"In deep sleep, Consciousness was in a dormant condition; there were no bodies, no concepts. Upon the arrival of this apparently wakeful state, with the arrival of the concept "I am", the love of "I am" woke up. That itself is Maya, illusion."

"Everything is beingness, but I, the Absolute, am not that."

"Consciousness depends on the body; the body depends on the essence of food. It is the Consciousness which is speaking now. If the food essence is not present, the body could not exist. Without the body, would I be able to talk?"

I will elucidate this understanding later as pointed out repeatedly by both Robert and Nisargadatta, but which is only implicit in Ramana's teachings as expressed by his students. Indeed, you can find confirmation of the same truth in Ramana's teachings if you look at the right books. Otherwise, most of his students identifying the absolute with Consciousness, and even more so, the waking Consciousness.

You might say there are three levels of I. There is the level of the I-word and I-concept, with the assumption and belief that there is an and entity that the concept describes, and that the I-word points to.

The second level of I identification, is at the level of identification with mind and Consciousness, which Nisargadatta calls "beingness," or "I-Amness."

Finally, there is the I as the absolute, completely beyond phenomonality, completely unknowable by the mind, without attribute and even without existence. This is what Western idealist philosophers--and Balsekar--calls the Noumenal, and which I might call the other-dimensional. This is the non-manifest, the unmanefest, unborn subject. Even saying that is to ruin it because you are giving names to that about which nothing can be said, because there are no attributes, entirely beyond existence.

On page 4 of Consciousness of the Absolute, Maharaj states regarding the absolute:

"In truth, your state is one of absolute bliss, not this phenomenal state. In that non-phenomenal state you are full of bliss but there is no experience of its presence. In that state there is no trace of misery or and happiness, only unalloyed bliss."

"Everything is beingness, but I, the absolute, am not that."

If you understand this, you will see this is completely beyond the current spiritual teachings that you are Consciousness and everything is Consciousness. Over the next few months and years I want to explain this ever more deeply and completely, as well as clearly outline what it takes to get there.

In 1968 I had completed Master’s work in Public Management at Western Reserve University in Cleveland. I had gone to Detroit and studied Economics as a Ph.D. candidate at Wayne State University. I had also been working as a demographer for the County Cleveland was located in, and at TALUS, Detroit’s seven year land use study.

I was sick of it. The County didn’t care about accuracy, only lying statistics that supported their claim for federal money. I saw economic theory was mostly empty words and unverifiable concepts—useless. (I am still a Keynsian however.)

I had gotten my BA in philosophy and had always been interested since age 11 in just two topics: ontology and epistemology. That is, what exists and how do we know? Hume and Kant were my Western philosophy mentors, while Ramana and Phillip Kapleau were my Eastern philosophy mentors. I had read Kapleau’s Three Pillars of Zen a half dozen times and Ramana’s “Who Am I” many more times than that. I still had no clue as to the nature of knowledge or existence and was mostly focused on the best way to practice self-inquiry.

               

One day, sitting by a window in an office in Cleveland after having performed population projections for 88 municipalities, and having heard one too many lies, I saw several sailboats floating by on Lake Erie. At that moment, I knew I could not put up with the farce any longer. My life was a waste. The world seemed totally out of whack and most people were in lock step with this out of whackness. I just didn’t fit. So, I decided to chuck everything and leave on a spiritual odyssey.

I took three books: Three Pillars of Zen, the Collected Works of Ramana Maharshi and The Practice of Zen by Garma C.C. Chang. All three books focused on how to practice self-inquiry.

Subsequently I got a job on several huge Great Lakes oar boats carrying taconite (iron ore) between Minnesota and Cleveland. Later, I took off and flew to visit my brother near Tucson and spent several months living in a small tent deep in the Sonoran Desert, all the while trying to figure out how best to practice self-inquiry.

I found this sort of searching useless. There were too many distractions, especially for an untrained, unstable mind. So I moved to Rochester New York to study with Phillip Kapleau, and later, to Mt. Baldy in Southern California to study under Zen master Sasaki Roshi.

It wasn’t until I made the commitment to study under a master that my meditation became focused and revealed results. Kapleau's Zendo was fantastic.

I talk about this in more detail on the website:  http://itisnotreal.com.

Anyway, I practiced self-inquiry off and on for 25 years before I had my first awakening as to a true understanding of ‘I’. I describe this as my shower experience on that website. 

It took me 25 years to fully comprehend what the I-thought meant. (I am more than a bit dimwitted.) What kept me so long is that I spent so much time immersed in the “more real I,” the background consciousness that Langford talks about, that I ignored the I-thought, seeing that the 'I'-thought itself had no substance. But I was still searching for a referent for that I-thought, an entity that the I-thought was associated with. I had thought that some day while immersed in that vast internal emptiness of self-illumined awareness, I would find the true subject. 


Intuitively, even then, I recognized that that consciousness itself was not me either even during and after complete unity experiences with that background consciousness. The emptiness was still an experience.

It was through all those early years of intense practice, sometimes sitting in meditation 10-12 hours a day for years that I experienced all the Kundalini nonsense and all the variable states of consciousness which entirely inhibited true understanding. It is so, so easy to get lost in experiences and understandings.

Finally, a few weeks after Robert Adams left Los Angeles and moved to Sedona I had my first awakening experience, which was to clearly see that the ‘I thought’ had no referent. It did not point to any internal entity. I also saw that the I-thought itself had no substance. It sometimes could be seen to appear like the visual floaters some nearsighted people have, like little transparent clouds floating into and out of emptiness. At other times, the ‘I thought’ (and other thoughts) appeared to be more like focusing mechanisms that aimed attention around in various ways, forming reality by "bending" emptiness into a form. I had focused for years on the emptiness, the awareness that contained everything, and was self-illumined, the light of consciousness, and had ignored the I-thought itself, and failed to see the import of all the preconceptions and false existences contained in the I-thought.


What was different about the shower experience, was that the sense of presence was gone. I was totally empty of presence, of I Am. There was just a vast space of consciousness, with no inner or outer, and no sense of existence of me.

That day in 1995, I finally saw, apprehended, understood, was blown away by the sudden understanding that emptiness was all that there was: emptiness was all that existed.  Eternal, vast space, self-illumined, permeating everything and filled with illusory conceptual forms, and I felt then that I was that. I saw that the I-thought had no referent. There was no I entity that the ‘I thought’ pointed to. There was no Ed Muzika. There was only space, disparate thoughts loosely connected with each other in a network of thought, and the ‘I-thought’ was simply another percept floating around in inner emptiness. No I was there; only emptiness existed and I was that.

Then I saw one other thing deeply: the ‘I-thought’ was what I had considered “subjective,” while all other thoughts were “objective.” That is, I had taken the I-thought as being me, the subject, inside my skin so to speak, and all other thoughts and concepts, such as of world, chair, map, food, other people, were “objective,” and outside of my skin.

When I saw the ‘I-thought’ was unreal, empty, I saw all other words and concepts were also empty. Immediately the world ceased to exist. By that, I mean I understood (Actually, it was more like an experience than an understanding.) nothing in the world that I saw was real; it was created by thought which made an object out of what is, within an unformed matrix of a vast, self-illumined emptiness which was all that is. There was just one emptiness, pervading all, with no inside or outside and I identified with that.

This is exactly Ramana’s initial experience: the “I-thought’ didn’t exist as an entity. It was empty, and with that insight, the whole world is found not to exist as we have always assumed it existed, as real, external objects.

All that there is, is the vast emptiness of consciousness, populated by forms which have no inherent existence except as concepts within consciousness.

However, I was later to see that this was only a partial awakening. 

I also saw the beginning of understanding that that this emptiness--consciousness--also was not me, it was still an object. I was witnessing it. The ‘I thought’ was even less me, because it sprang out of the emptiness-void, and disappeared back into it.

Later I discovered that this understanding acquired in waking consciousness, was only true about the waking consciousness. Ramana had not yet gone far enough in his initial awakening (at least according to how he explained it), just as I had not.

One has to see that the waking consciousness itself—the entirety of existence—is unreal, and that waking consciousness, as are the sleep and dream states, are added onto the deepest sense of me as witness.

You-me, the "Real" you and me, lie entirely beyond consciousness of the world, entirely beyond existence. You might say our true nature lies in an entirely different dimension from all observables, including the world, our minds, our dreams and various states of consciousness, and even the emptiness and the void; all are observables and we are beyond them. We are beyond everything, unborn and unwitting witnesses of all that is, which is merely fantasy stuff, making up the play of consciousness. 


Robert used to start every other Satsang by saying, "You are not real; you do not exist; you are nothing." Everyone laughed at Satsang--except me, I didn't find it funny, but true. Most everyone there had no idea that he was telling them they were beyond existence.

Not only do you need to give up identification with the world and the mind, but also emptiness--the self-illumined void consciousness.

When I announced this understanding to Robert he said I got it. After being with him for seven years I had gotten it. Robert had years earlier told me the real secret, which is that even consciousness does not exist in the sense it had no reality apart from the other-dimensional subject, the witness of all, about whom nothing can be known or said. 

You can only BE the witness, who everyone is already, but do not recognize it because they identify with the body or mind or other elements in consciousness.

This is so momentous of an understanding that it is difficult to convey no matter how hard I try, because I am talking in concepts, or pointers, and no one ever knows another’s subjectivity and conceptual matrix.

Each of us is a pseudo-person in a pseudo reality until we see through that I-thought network/matrix. That matrix can be relatively similar to the matrix of others in so far as each of us has common upbringings. But if education and life experiences are too different, truly understanding another’s world and knowing how to make a transformative impression on that person’s subjectivity is virtually impossible.

My body is now just two years younger than Robert’s when he died. I feel a weight of time pressing. My health is not good at times. I want as much as possible to make Robert and the understanding he gave me more available to the world.

I have noticed that the quality of questions and seekers now contacting me is far more spiritually “mature” than two years ago. There are more and more people who are “getting it” or on the verge of getting it, and by getting it, I mean going all the way beyond consciousness.

Therefore, I have decided to start teaching in earnest, which may or may not mean Satsang in Los Angeles, but definitely does mean I am going to attempt to clear up all doubts of anyone who has them by making a detailed exposition and explanation of at least (initially) three texts that I consider the key to getting it. The three are: The Path of Sri Ramana Maharshi, Part 1 by Sadhu Om and Michael James; Prior to Consciousness, edited by Jean Dunn, and the Nisargadatta Gita by Pradeep Apte. Later I might add some of Robert’s talks.

These expositions will come in the form of lessons covering a chapter or so of each text at a time. Maybe there will be a video post on Facebook or something like it.

Anyway, I’ll start in a couple of weeks. My mother is ill in Phoenix and I’ll be there for a while and will start when I return.

An email sent to me:


Hello,

I am that which knows the coming and going of the state of being. There was this complete fullness so to speak, complete within itself and then spontaneously the rising of the sense of being was known. This occurred during waking up from sleep. I am not able to understand this state.

I know what I am...I am non-conceptual...but now this wants to be captured in words...painful and confusing....words need to conceptulize me...I turn to you for some assistance.

I always recognized my sense of being..aware and unadorned by concepts as the space that I was...but when I now see that that too is rising and setting in what I really am...I am lost for words to understand......

On what is this knowing resting then?



My response:


Every answer would miss the point as all knowledge is about existence, objects, phenomena.

What you are is before existence.

You are uncreated, unborn.



His next email:


I am that which knows the coming and going of the state of being.

My Response: Yes, this is perfect understanding.

There was this complete fullness so to speak, complete within itself and then spontaneously the rising of the sense of being was known. This occurred during waking up from sleep.

Yes, this is how it is usually first seen.

I am not able to understand this state. I know what I am...I am non-conceptual...but now this wants to be captured in words...painful and confusing....words need to conceptulize me...I turn to you for some assistance.


All conceptualizations are only philosophy, empty, transitory, illusion. You must learn how to accept knowing nothing.

I always recognized my sense of being..aware and unadorned by concepts as the space that I was...but when I now see that that too is rising and setting in what I really am...I am lost for words to understand......

Don't you see? What you are is entirely beyond the mind and cannot be captured in words or concepts. There is no need to understand; just be.


New email:


The self or whatever it is..is so un-contrived...spontaneous and self sufficient...that is seen in ordinary moments of just simple being.

No words needed to be...simply are.

When these various states or experiences occur, there is an attempt to understand it..when the experience itself is not requiring that.. :) it also just is... and you have so correctly stated..all explanations are only about the state of existence...and therefore the correct answer in all respects is that ..you are unborn...that shuts any more concept building.

Ed..the clarity that these words you have written, also cannot be captured in words...i can only say..thank you!

Hi Ed, I recently fall caught in moments of purest Silence/Nothingness. It is impossible to tell something about it. After them I realize nothing exists; everything one can think or imagine is absolutely nonexistent. A feeling of immensurable peace and sense of freedom rises. Silence/Nothingness comes suddenly, unforeseeably; for example, in a moment of relaxation after a bustling day. I don’t know what to do about it. I would have this Silence/Nothingness forever, I feel it is liberation, but I seem the more I try to do--even a too zealous formal practice--the worse the result is. I don’t know how to approach to it. Love, S

Don't rush. Relax. Just sit in silence as often as you can in awareness of silence or in awareness of your sense of presence. But don't get anxious or try to speed it up.

I took down my Tolle rant because I don't know what I am talking about. I have not read him or any of the other neo-Advaitins, and therefore don't know what I am talking about. Robert was wiser than I and never talked about other teachers.


My point though was you hardly ever make any progress by reading or thinking. Both engage the discursive mind leading to endless internal and external dialogues. 


Isn't it true we read because we lack confidence in our own ability to find and explicate truth? Is it not true we mostly read to confirm what we already think we know? Isn't true that when we read and think, we cannot see ourselves because the focus of awareness is on concepts?


A large part of our spiritual education is to develop self-confidence in our own ability to find our own truth by looking within, and not reading books to tell us what we should be finding there. You have to develop a boldness where you set off on your own to find the truth of your being.


Michael Langford, for all the faults of his book, correctly points out the need to slow the mind down and focus on a very few books to read, and to read them slowly and repetitively. He is absolutely correct. Better would be not to read at all, but to introspect, observe your consciousness, observe awareness and keep quiet.


In a Zen monastery, there is absolutely no talking during training periods. Ramana was silent for many years. Being with Robert was like being with silence all the time. Reading a book or attending a lecture, or writing poetry is anti-silence.


Develop your ability to abide in your own thoughtless awareness. Gradually you will develop an ability to remain with yourself and be confident of what your self-investigations are revealing. Gradually you will become comfortable not even articulating the new understandings that arise in you because you will recognize those understandings are illusory, tentative, passing, concepts only, and you can't capture the absolute in concepts. You can only rest peacefully in yourself.


Limit your reading to the resources I mention on the itisnotreal.com website. You might even want to limit your reading to two or three books, such as the Path of Sri Ramana, Part I, the Nisargadatta Gita, possibly Prior to Consciousness to blow your mind, or Langford's book.


You need to go deep into yourself, not marvel at the clear expositions of others that merely reinforce your present concepts which means there is no "progress." You are just rearranging deck chairs.


Please, don't waste your life entertaining spiritual concepts or visiting many teachers. Go deep within yourself; observe yourself; observe the I Am if you can isolate that sense of presence that is I Am. Be comfortable with the void-like emptiness. Become friends with the inner light of consciousness. Become aware of the emptiness that contains all. Become aware of the witnessing process. Soon you will see that reading and thinking take you away from your inner peace.

This one is rare:

> Sir after the initial period of objectless concentration ,awareness is
> automatically turned within.The body after a few breathing pranayamas isnt
> felt at all.The body conciousness feels like a corpse,something like
> that.The body is there but the awareness is within.I become aware of the
> movement of thoughts,how they appear and how they drop.Many times during
> witness, the thoughts are not there and i reach a stage of sort of void or
> emptyness.At that time i observe an expansion happenning at the third
> eye...a nothingness prevails ,so then there is no object as such except that
> nothingness.Also i feel during witness stage there is another witness
> watching the witnessing ,as thoughts appear and identification starts ,that
> another witness is always watching whether witnessing is happenning or no
> and brings back to witnessing again....Its sort of complicated to express
> but it is something like that.Is this the "subject" you are referring too?
> Actually the period of nothingness or void is too short,the mind interferes
> and by witnessing it i reach a thoughless state for sometime till mind
> interfers again.All this while after the body conciousness is long
> lost,there is one more "witness" who is observing whether the witnessing is
> happening or no.yes something like that....


Yes, this is perfect understanding. Eventually there will only be one
witness. One of the witnesses is merely the mind commenting on the
introspection process.

You might, at this time, instead of trying to follow "I AM"
introspection, just try to witness the witness. Watch the watcher.

> I wanted to tell you also that yesterday i was in the "glimpse" for a full
> day after my dhyaan...I have already described what it is in that state in
> my earlier mail.There is much to go further you say but within and outside
> of me i feel this is it, as i feel a growing connection with everything
> around me ,just about everything.You said it is a form of samadhi,previous
> to you my kriya Guru had termed it as sarvikalpa samadhi.But these again are
> concepts ,but just curious what kind of samadhi you would define this
> as.sheer curiosity.

What you call the glimpse is the absence of the thinking process. You
are intently and completely aware without the chattering mind being
engaged. But in the glimpse you are not aware that all that out there
in the world is only your mind creation and is not real.

I have no names for the various samadhis. As you say, they are just
names and of no import. Even the experience of the various samadhis is
not important. In fact, nothing is important, except, to me, to live
as a kind and just man helping others, being a shepherd for all
physically and morally. You are your brother's keeper. All the rest is
only philosophy and illusion.

You are very close to finishing your self-exploration. Therefore I
urge you to ripen your understanding and peace, and care for others.

You are doing very well...

Ed

Hello Edji, My name is Rajiv K and i reside in mumbai,India. > I visited your blog and felt i write to you a few things.I write to one who > not only is a disciple of the great Robert Adams but also to the one who > himself is aware of "what is",probably the truth as it is.


I know its > impossible to correctly describe that state in words and there is no way > you,i or anyone can yet i feel inclined to communicate,share and learn from > you what you feel as regards the marvelous thing we call "consciousness" or > "truth" or watever names we can call it by... > > The past: > 


My "journey" began 13 yrs ago when i was first initiated in kriya through > YSS/SRF in mumbai.I had a very scary OBE expereince then and each time i > would sit i would be pulled in a dark tunnel speeding in high intensity.That > time i was just practicing a techinque called Hong-sau.Anyways YSS asked me > to discontinue the use of hong-sau and i felt that time they were least > bothered about anything except "surrender" to the Guru.Dissatisfied with the > response i seeked looking for a personal Guru who could help me with my > expereinces and satisfy all my deep spiritual longings. > 


After much seeking and looking and initiated a few more times with other > gurus i finally found the Guru my heart approved of.He was a traditional > Guru and very jovial person at the same time.He got me initiated in higher > kriyas including kechari mudra which supposedly is of immense importance to > expereince higher levels of consciousness.I personally dont feel any of my > expereinces would have been much different without kechari,but this is my > personal feeling.


During my practices in kriya i had various "expereinces" > like OBE,Lucid dreams,heightened awareness,even kevali kumbhak (stoppage of > breath automatically for a few seconds which gave immense joy all over each > cell of my body) etc etc...But somehow i always felt all this is very > delusionary as i set out to "achieve" more and more of this joy and > bliss,more and more of these expereinces like OBEs.I felt inwardly i was > seeking too much and my heart and mind was still not in rest except a few > occasions > when i expereinced a thoughtless state...rest of the time i was busy > seeking,making whole loads of images of Guru kripas and dreams of Gurus and > Babaji.


I felt inwardly i was getting deeper and deeper into a bundle of > various conditionnings and beliefs imposed by other chelas who beleived the > same.I felt there is something hugely amiss here either in my practice or in > my understanding....All i was awaiting for was to accumulate many > expereinces not realsiing that maybe the mind itself was creating them for > me... > > The in-between: > 


On realizing that probably the biggest barrier are my own beliefs and > conditioning's i just couldnt keep going with my kriyas.The very > technique,the very teachings i felt were becoming a sort of barrier to > expereincing truth as it is for the mind was beginning to reach "somewhere" > rather than just "being".I then decided that i shall observe ,simply observe > what is going on within and outside of me.I realised that the bliss,peace > and thoughtless state returned even without kriya.


The mere "observation" > resulted in this.And so i can carry on like this even in waking stage and > not only during kriya.All concepts like God,blessings,liberation,beliefs > dropped on carefull observation. > > The "Present" > I carry on trying to witness every thoughts,emotions than arise in my > mind.I realize that my awareness is growing as i start giving utmost > attention to everything happenning within and outside of me.There are > glimpses of joy and utmost bliss which prevails around me.


During that time > my state is like a man drunk but with extreme and heightened attention.I > feel drunk with immense awareness.There is nothing i like to achieve,gain or > be.I am just "it" .This is perhaps just "being".I observe everything so > clearly ,so bright ,the colors around me are much brighter than usual and > sparkle and dance around me.During that "glimpse" (as i call it) the > thoughts seem rare, and even if they arise i observe them clearly as they > come and go.


There is nothing to achieve,be or go anywhere.Everything around > looks so magical and pure like i am observing something new for the very > first time.There is no need of Guru or any God during that state.Everything > melts. > > The question > 


Edji i call the above a glimpse becoz it is not in continuity,it lasts for > perhaps 2 to 3 hours a day mostly during the evening time.I cant say i can > create the glimpse for it happens on its own...And disappears on its > own.Perhaps in the evening i dont have to worry much about my work or maybe > there is some other reason.The "glimpse" has happened to me also during the > office hours but its rare...Sometimes i feel the desire to be in that > glimpse forever too could be an obstacle to be it,maybe.Pls write back your > observations and suggestions.I really need some guidance on this.I have > written down best i could in words. > > Many regards and Pranams, > R

What you are experiencing is due to the intensity of your practice. The barrier-creating chattering mind has stopped, and you have pure perception. If you could dwell in this state all the time, that is one form of samadhi. But that "first time" world is still illusion, experience added onto you.


If you can formalize your meditation and sit in Padmaasana for about 45 minutes in the morning, you should be able to generate it at will as well as pure oneness states. Most probably this will disappear over time. It is the final state for some types of yogis, such as Krishnamurti, etc. Why don't you go with it and see where it takes you?  


This is not classic advaita though. In Advaita you focus attention not on everything, but attempt to concentrate on the subject, the sense of I. Advaita unfortunately is heavy with cognitive elements. Don't do that as yet though. Continue to go as you are doing but add at least one 45 minute session sitting facing a wall with eyes closed or half open. Sit as solidly as possible. Tell me what happens.  


Ed

Hi Ed

I have been in and out of it lately...yesterday the mind flow stopped again.
I don't usually question myself...I just rest in silence without trying to understand
what's happening...but yesterday something became clear.

There is no difference between "waking", "dreaming" or "sleeping"...
they are passing states. Maybe the mind flow is responsible for them but I'm not sure and
I'm not really keen to mentally investigate it...there is just a feeling of being separate from them.

With the "waking" and "dreaming" state space appears...
in this space the feeling of "me" as a separate entity could appear ( if It does I'm aware of it..
I can see it arising and subsiding...even now that It is really weak).
Without a feeling of "me" space prevails...everything is in it...
there are no separate entities...just one space...a passing show that goes by itself...there is no control over it.
But this space is false...it comes and goes...everything in it is false.
The action of writing this email to you is just an appearance in this moment...nothing is really happening.

The funny thing is that during the last months I often thought about how I should conduct my life..
what was right and what was wrong. But It is clear now that there is nobody doing anything...
wrong and right are just concepts...things can appear in different ways but nothing is really happening.
And all this happens (or not happens) just in two states....the "waking" or "dreaming" state...
and when these states subside everything in it disappears.

I feel humbled buy realizing it and feel love but what difference can make these passing feelings
in a false reality? love and hate are worth the same...they are worth nothing.
I don't know what will happen...for the moment the mind is calm and a peaceful feeling prevails.

thank you
M.



This is very good. You glimpse not only are objects abd self in the waking and dream state unreal, but the states themselves are unreal.


Next you have to turn towards understanding who or what you are in the deep sleep and before birth states.


Ed

A 1998 Yoga Journal article about Robert Adams is now online. 

http://books.google.com/books?id=JOoDAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA86&lpg=PA86&dq=ramana+and+robert&source=bl&ots=Xa1vyQerKQ&sig=E-96-_elVfvv4yxzvVlJLfoMmJ0&hl=en&ei=NSTSSsfhAo_-tQOWkLXwCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=9&ved=0CCkQ6AEwCA#v=onepage&q=ramana%20and%20robert&f=false

Hi Ed. Can you answer me a few more questions about the I - that doesn't exist. 
 
In my practice, when I am ,being conscious, of being - what is watching (being conscious) and what is the being?
 
You say that beingness is mistaken for a personal I, thus generating a belief in a personal I (this makes perfect sense to me). Is beingness what I am conscious of in my practice? Because thats all I am aware of. From what I see in my practice, there is beingness - thats it! But the witnessing of my beingness is a stumper.
 
The belief in a personal I - the belief being a thought? but where did it come from? if I am not the thinker, then who or what set it up?
 
I noticed also in my practice - that thoughts arise but I never think! I can identify with the thoughts, but Ed I don't see me creating them - which is a eye-opener, or is it my imagination!
 
Also I am perplexed by volition and decision making. If I am sitting in a chair, and a thought arises that I should get up, there is an intention to rise, an exercise of will and then the body is off to do what is needed. Who or what intended and willed the body to move?
 
If I am driving my car, and I come to a stop sign, and I decide to turn left or right - who is making the decision. 
 
I just re-read your first awakening, and it made perfect sense this time. I knew what you were talking about. I know this is all mental, but I believe , at least mentally, that I can understand the idea of no personal I. I think with these directed questions I can at least increase my understanding. 
 
Now if you say that everything, thoughts, volition, decision making and discrimination occur out of nothingness - enacted by a non-locatable, non-peronal doer. Then that means that I am not the thinker or the doer or the one writing this letter - EVERYTHING HAPPENS BY ITSELF, EVERYTHING!
 
Can't wait to get your response on this! 
 
 
Thanks,
 
T.
----------------------------- 

My response:

These questions you ask are exactly the ones Robert asks you to ask.

They cause you to turn your attention towards the subject.

But then you find the subject is not a thing. It does not exist.

Without the subject, there is then no object. Without subject and
object there is no inner or outer.

There is only one consciousness.

This is step one.  Stay there for a while. Just rest in that undivided state.

This certainly is not the final understanding, but you do need to stay
in that place for a while.

Ed

-----------------

Thanks Ed. Your telling me I need these questions to find my own answer? Whatever you tell me will not solve my problem, I must do that myself?
 
Always appreciate your help Ed. Thanks.
 
 
T.

My Response:

Anything I tell you is only words which you will interpret according
to your present understanding and past experiences. My words cannot
take your mind beyond concepts to grasp what you really are. In
effect, your mind and its understanding are what is keeping you from
knowing your "realer" nature. You have to go to the place before
your mind arises, empty mind, silent mind.

That is, search for that awareness before thoughts and even the intent for directed attention arise.

Your mind is the problem. Get to where it has stopped or has not arisen.
Any "answers" posted about your question only makes the mind work
harder to integrate them into what you already know.

It is all about silence, not answers. This is difficult for the busy mind to accept, and difficult for a busy mind to do, but once you learn how it is the most blissful, peaceful practice you can have.

Cat Potty Pranks High Water Bill 1

Hi Ed,

I currently have the idea that I need to stabilize in pure I AMness 24/7 (or at least all waking hours) before I have a shot at realization. Is that true? Is that the most likely scenario?


S.

My response:

The more practice the better. What you are actually doing is reversing an entire life with attention directed outwards, which allows you to grasp the entirety of consciousness as a whole, both inwardly directed and outwardly.

There is no requirement as such, except this is the way it is usually done.

The actual grasping of the entirety will usually happen spontaneously, when you least expect it.

Ed

Ed,




Much is coming together
So it began with seeing that something is aware of thought
How can I be thought when I am seeing these thoughts??
Really contemplating on that for awhile
Then realizing there was a bigger awareness watching the witness to thought
Hmmm?
So then it seemed that what was watching wanted, was waiting, to be noticed
Like two awarenesses
Ok so now it seemed that this smaller witness was now aware of the bigger witness
It seemed strange that now the attention was now on the big watcher instead of the thoughts of which it was accustomed,
like looking backward at myself instead of outer looking
Like the attention was turned in the complete opposite direction
Then seeing something big
Awareness as big
Encompassing the entire world
So, then noticing that what I am is “consciousness”
That word kept coming, over and over
Then ah ha!
And then yes…I am consciousness
And then aaaahhhhhhh!       aaaahhhhhhhhaaaaaa
So, now unfolding even more
This consciousness is one!
Not two
So then realizing as I am in the store tonight, seeing others, that there is only ONE because….the content of what others are aware of is not an identity
It is one consciousness….with thought forms moving through “others”…only appearing to be separate
And seeing quite oddly, and quite humorously, that there is only one
And so also seeing that I am space…
I am not this body as I am the awareness of it
And seeing that there is no self
As I am formless, seeing this, no self
And also seeing that I am love
That this consciousness sees with a “behold” not just void seeing…seeing with a beholding of all as beloved
All meaning all…such as wall, garbage pail, floor, cat, plant, knob
And seeing others as same self
Same
One.
I am mostly aware that I am consciousness…the “no self” slips in and out…haven’t seen that as permanent reality but saw in a flash insight. 
How can I be anything arises in awareness
So finally
Seeing that there is no meaning to this world, life
Not in a bleak way but that all is just appearing as something out of nothing
Out of one
Out of energy, vibration, one source
Seeing that nothing is happening, no meaning, no purpose
Signs along the road, just words, just appearing with no substance
No life
Wondering if all a dream
Feeling that all is dream, having that texture to it
Will investigate this more
The end for now…
Sandra


Sandra,

Your understanding is excellent. Now just stay there as you already
are doing as often as possible.

The silence and understanding will both deepen and eventually the
understanding will be discarded as unnecessary because you will be
free.

Ed

Thanks to readers of this blog, as well as people who have followed this story from all over the world, almost 1,000 people have signed a petition to stop Los Angeles County from killing feral cats. However, the main media still is not carrying the story, and County officials still refuse to talk to members of the Los Angeles animal community.

STOP MASS CAT KILLING IN LOS ANGELES

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/stop-mass-cat-killing-in-los-angeles

Target:

Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors

Sponsored by:

Catherine Turley and all those who care about animals

The Los Angeles County Department of Health has contracted with the Carson Animal Shelter to trap cats at various locations across the county.  Hundreds, maybe thousands, of vaccinated, spayed, healthy cats will be killed.  Feral cats are not adoptable. These cats are no more of a threat to human health than the pets that walk through our neighborhoods every day.  This will cost the struggling taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars, based on calculations from previous mass trappings.  Now is not the time to be spending, and killing is not the answer.The Los Angeles County Department of Health has contracted with the Carson Animal Shelter to trap cats at various locations across the county.  Hundreds, maybe thousands, of vaccinated, spayed, healthy cats will be killed.  Feral cats are not adoptable. These cats are no more of a threat to human health than the pets that walk through our neighborhoods every day.  This will cost the struggling taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars, based on calculations from previous mass trappings.  Now is not the time to be spending, and killing is not the answer.

petition overview | letter

signature

goal: 1,000

976
signatures!

Hello Ed,

I'm reading a Robert talk called "Stillness."
I'd like to clarify something if you don't mind. He says that the world is not real, that it does not exist and came out of nothing.

Does it includes only the mental projections that we make on our perceptions,
or it includes the perceptions themselves as well ? I'm a little bit confused by
this statement.


I perceive a lot of objects, colors, people, sounds around me, in a quite unconscious manner, and unless the question "what did you perceive ?" arise, to some extent, if I don't use my memory, there was nothing indeed. Is that the meaning of Robert's statement ?




Ed:


There are no objects without concept. There is no significant difference 
between perception and conception. Even less are there objects that
stand behind perceptions as "reality."

All concepts are part of a verbal mapping of the universe, with an I
thought center around which the conceptual world is constructed. When
you see the I does not exist as an inner entity, the world as an external entity,
as objects, also disappears, and it becomes you, or you it. 


You alone exist; you are the totality of consciousness, with
apparent objects or without, as pure consciousness. Only you exist, nothing 
is external to you.



You have to understand, this is only a conceptual truth and thus too is misleading
until you are able to step outside of concepts.

I have returned from Dresden. I was again there for other 10 days. From one hand they were stressful; from the other hand  being close to death, seeing how my father and mother died has detached me from the apparent life even more than before. My thought goes almost exclusively towards liberation. Since I experienced myself as awareness, my practice has become about like that described by M. Langford (AWA). Moreover, I am trying to practice the Tibetan yogas of dream and sleep. I have two good texts about them by Tenzin Wangyal and Namkhai Norbu Rimpoche. What I don’t like about the Tibetan sadhanas are the preliminary practices. For example, Tenzin Wangyal suggests to get a close relationship with the dakini Salgye Du Dalma (a goddess) who favors and protects the sleep with rigpa (the non-dual consciousness). I am not inspired at all to create a dual relationship with Salgye Du Dalma; I am inspired by rigpa, non-duality, awareness with no support of any object! Therefore, I think if I go on with AWA, I will be able to go beyond the three states of wake, dream and sleep one day. Always accepting and respecting your free choice to answer or not my questions, I would ask how you are about these three states. With love, Stefan

Stefan, None of the 3 states have anything to do with you. Non dual consciousness has nothing to do with you. States of mind have nothing to do with you. Sadness has nothing to do with you. Happiness has nothing to do with you. All that you are talking about are experiences. Experiences have nothing to do with you. You are beyond all that and therefore playing around with these types meditations only take you further from YOU. Only seek YOU. That is, seek the sensation of I Am if you can. Immerse in awareness of I Am. That is the beginning and end of practice. Abiding there eventually brings quietness and happiness too as well as the ending of doubt. Ed

Sir,

Thank you for the info. on your web site. I am not sure if this is meant
to be "Stump the Guru" question, but you are welcome to use it there. As
a practicing Tibetan Buddhist, I have been "steeped" in the Two Wings,
Emptiness and Bodhicitta (Compassion) . So, the concept "Sudden
Enlightenment" is quite new to me. I have been pleasantly surprised by
what I have learned recently in the Zen world of Buddhism. I have two
questions.

1.  I certainly can see the Emptiness side of Zen. What I do not see
(and probably because I do not know where to look) is the Bodhicitta or
Compassion emphasis in Zen teachings. Can you explain to me or direct me
to explanations of how Zen approaches and incorporates Bodhicitta in its
teachings?

2. In Tibetan Buddhism, the Tulku concept is quite interesting and
appears to be quite useful for its potential to identify those, if
nothing else, with high probability of great attainment and therefore
(if so) ability to guide others to Enlightenment (or Bodhisattva-hood).
(Being a "human" process, I am aware that the tulku process has its
problems, too.) In reading many biographies of Zen masters, I find
little to no teachings (yet) on what is occurring to these Masters
during or after transition. I find it impossible to believe that they
have no further interest in helping sentient beings but see no
systematic teaching to that effect. Is there such a thing in Zen
teachings or is that pretty much a "your karma may vary" thing, looking
at it from the point of view of us schmucks still in samsara?

You can edit the above questions as you see fit if you want to use them
in your "Stump the Guru" blog. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

P.

P,

Zen in literature has little to do with compassion.

By Tulku you mean reincarnated teacher?  No such thing in Zen or Advaita.

When you go from one tradition to another you should not expect the
same concepts to exist in both. That would defeat the whole
idea of different traditions. In fact though, most Zen masters I
have known were good guys and some kind. But it is not a universal
character trait.

Ed

Ed,

Yeah, perhaps I am just trying to have my cake (Tibetan Buddhism) and my
icing (Zen Buddhism) and eat them both (without desire, of course). If I
might ask a couple more questions: (If you don't have the time or prefer
not to address the questions below, I still appreciate your website and
writings. I think they are very, very helpful.)

1. So, what is the difference between Zen and Advaita? (I know little
about Advaita at the moment. Read Sri Ramana's bio and books recently.
Very interesting. Found your site from within the Wanderling Awakening
101 site.) What makes Zen a Mahayana thing and Advaita non-Buddhist, as
opposed, say, to Theravada or Hinayana? There are quite a few
similarities in those three traditions.

I believe Zen incorporates the Bodhisattva vows into the Esoteric form
of Zen. I have interest in "leaving samsara permanently", of course, but
have more interest in helping others, such as my family, do so, too. I
realize that we are just rehashing samsara every second, but dropping
everything, including family, to "get 'er done" seems counter-productive
for them.

2. I recently read a note on your web site about "Kundalini experiences"
where you noted that, for more info., one should search your web site. I
have not been able to locate that area. About 5 years ago, when I was
wondering which path to take, I had an amazing vision/dream/experience,
which I can only describe as being "touched" (or nearly overwhelmed) by
a female "goddess" or female Buddha, or dakini (whatever that is) or
something. (No idea who it was, but she was BIG and looked like the
Pre-historic goddess carvings of "The Witches of Eastwick". LOTS of
femininity.) I am still curious as to what happened or whether there was
or is any significance in that event. (Or whether this is just another
game played by my ego.) It certainly energized my practice so to that
extent it has been helpful.

Other things have and do still occur in my life that keep my practice
energized to the extent that the experiences are "new". Practically
every night for the last 30 years, I have had and continue to have
dreams of what I interpret as "other lives" experiences. Often, these
dreams include experiences of dying, of existence in the Bardo, and the
heading for the re-birth. Often, a large or significant GURU figure is
leading the way. Mostly, the dreams are just of me continuously making a
fool of myself. (Bah-ha-ha!) I have only been practicing Buddhism for
the last 5.5 years so these started happening way before I ever knew
anything about Buddhist cosmology. Ah, well. Life is weird.

Thank you for any and all assistance. I am grateful for your website and
writings.

Sincerely,

P

P,

All your questions are about philosophy, experiences, ideas,
comparative religion, etc.

None of this has ANYTHING to do with who you are.

Forget about goddesses, gurus, teachings, compassion, going beyond,
these are all head trips.

Your only concern should be to understand who you are which can only
be found by you through self-investigation.

I attach only one book.

Download it and let it be your guide to self-exploration. Read it
every morning for a half hour. Sit in silence after that and let it
and your pondering sink in.

Slow down your mind and reflect only on your own self-teaching. You
can know all about the subtleties of Buddhist philosophy and be even
further away from self realization than a Wall Street stock
manipulator. All concepts are your enemies.

Ed

Thank you. Very much.

I will do what you suggest. I hope you don't mind if I modify your
instructions a bit. I will do the reading and the sitting,  prior to
work every morning and after work every evening. (Got two kids in
college.) Interesting. Last night and this morning, I read a couple of
chapters of a book about Sri Ramana. (Book link at home). His definition
of Happiness is interesting. wow.

I know that this body is not "Me" or the "I am". I know that this mind
is not Me or the "I am". (Nor these feelings, etc.) I have understood
that for a few years. I have only "known" that for a few months. I know
(the word "know" is all I have. perhaps "feel" or simply understand)
that my universe is "Me" or at least my perception of it is completely
created by this current body and mind, and the karma or my previous (and
current) mental actions. I originally thought this was (or is) the my
holy guru as (I reasoned) how could someone like me provide me with the
universe, body, and mind that I have. 'Course, my Karma "could" be my
part of the deal. I guess I don't know.

Last Spring, during my morning practice, I "saw" or "became one with",
for a very short period of time, "Me". I was a perfect diamond-like
essence. It was every color of light, forever. I was very sorry to see
that recede.

Again, thank you. I look forward to following your advice.


Sincerely,

P

You need no further advice at this time. Just gently begin the practice of gaining acquaintance with yourself as just consciousness, awareness.

You are doing well.

These are good experiences, but remember being one with I Am is only
an experience, and you are not that; you are the knower of the experience.

Ed

Questions sent to me by a reader with my answers. Actually, these are exactly the right questions rather than dwelling on special experiences, progress, or "What is the state like?"

1. Are you happier now than before the awakening? YES, YES, YES! This is the only real criteria of whether the whole search was worth it.  


2. Do you wish sometimes that you are in the stage of non-awakened people? Absolutely not. Too much noise, lack of clarity and a degree of barbarism.  


3. Do you find life worth living? I make do. It no longer matters to me one way or the other. Life really has nothing to do with ME.  


4. What motivates you to do things - if anything? A strong sense of justice and compassion. Feeling the suffering of others and animals.

5. Is there love in your world? Do you love life or people or yourself? I love every living thing and want to protect every living thing from suffering.

HELP STOP CAT KILLING!

A rogue county agency, LA County Vector Control, is rounding up and killing feral and stray cats as a defense against “terrorist threats” and wildly unproven theories of threats to humans health. Next they will move on to cities, as in the past with Santa Monica.

An email received by me: The L. A. County Public Health, spearheaded by Joe Ramirez, Environmental Health Specialist,  phone (626) 430-5468, has contracted the L. A. County Carson Animal Shelter to trap and euthanize all feral and stray cats within the park area and wherever there is ‘human interaction’.  I spoke with him on two occasions trying to negotiate allowing rescue groups to handle a relocation and adoption effort.  

But he is against relocation of any sort unless in a cat sanctuary or adoption.  He feels that feral/stray cats have become a National Security problem because of the ‘potential’ of spreading deadly diseases, plagues, and biohazards.  His mission is to go from park to park or wherever there are strays and ferals and euthanize them. He told me that Carson said they would euthanize the cats right away. It is a death sentence for all the feral and stray cats in L.A. County and then maybe elsewhere.

This is me, Ed Muzika: Joe Ramirez and his boss Gail Van Gordon are kill crazy and feel they are on a mission from God to cleanse the world or urban wildlife and feral cats when there is, in their minds, even the slightest potential for disease spread to humans. Ramirez bragged to me that the reason there has been no human plague in Los Angeles County is because they so thoroughly monitor and kill ground squirrels throughout the County. They don't even pretend to present reasonable arguments to support the medical/scientific necessity of their killing.

Ramirez told me in the past he wanted to kill feral cats because they can spread pneumonic vs. bubonic plague. Vector Control has been looking for an excuse to kill ferals for years, and now their excuse is terrorism! Over the year Ramirez has spoken to any number of groups about the need to trap and destroy cats. There most recent “reason” to trap is suspicion of Typhoid in the cats. Every month Ramirez has a different excuse or reason to trap and kill cats throughout the County.

Trapping has already begun at Del Aire Park and Imperial School in Hawthorne where a notice has been posted, that cats will be trapped and taken to the Carson shelter where they will be “adopted” out.  Next in line for trapping is PECK PARK and THE HARBOR UCLA MEDICAL CENTER.  That County will adopt them is a complete lie. Feral cats are not adoptable. The County kills them after a 3 day hold. In fact, LA County has a kill rate of almost 90% for all cats impounded, whether feral, tame or kittens.

Phone Numbers of People to Call:

MOST IMPORTANT: Jonathan Fielding: Head of County Health,

jfielding@ladhs.org, jfieldin@ucla.edu; Phone: County Health: Direct Line-(213) 240-8117; UCLA: (310) 206-1141

Joe Ramirez, (626) 430-5468—In Charge of Cat Killing

Ramirez’s Boss:  Gail Vangordon:  gvangordon@ladhs.org

            Phone (626) 430-5450. She considers scientific evidence from outsiders laughable.

MOST IMPORTANT: The Supervisors: These are the decision makers:

Gloria Molina: Phone (213) 974-4111

 

Zev Yaroslavsky: Phone (213) 974-3333 

Michael Antonovich: Phone: (213) 974-5555

Mark Ridley-Thomas: Phone (213) 974-2222

Don Knabe: Phone: 213-974-4444

Christian Fundamentalism is only technically part of a religious movement. Actually it is a deep pathology, and as such should be and is exposed. This is far from Robert and Advaita, but worth reading.

http://frank-schaeffer.blogspot.com/

http://www.frankschaeffer.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC0qHnWsP5k

Questions from a reader:

1. Does the feeling that is called the feeling of I-am-ness always include a sense of separate selfhood? There seems to be an intimate sense or feeling of presence (or being) that does not however present itself in the shape of an I. I'm not talking about anything advanced-about transcending the "I" or reaching the ultimate subject or anything. I am talking about an immediate, pre-reflective feeling of being. When I reflect on this feeling I can note that it is graspable as mine but the lived experience is not one in which the being of which I am aware is grasped as mine. Now I think there is such a feeling. Does it count as an instance of the feeling of I-am-ness? One reason for thinking that it should count is that the beingness of which I am aware seems (on reflection) to be "mine" One reason for thinking it should not count is that the feeling does not include a pronounced consciousness of separateness. What do you think?


2. You say of Michael Langford's "awareness watching awareness" that it is shikantasa not vichara. Okay, I agree that what he is talking about is shikantasa. But If the self = awareness, why isn't awareness watching awareness a kind of self-awareness, and hence a form of self-inquiry? Perhaps your point is that bare awareness of awareness does not contain the thought "I". That would explain, why on your view, shikantasa's no good for "killing the self." Is this how you are conceiving of awareness watching awareness?

3. One might conclude from (2) that the I-am-feeling requires something like the word 'I'. But Nisargadatta makes a big deal of the wordless I am. His suggestion seems to be that this I am is somehow more "primordial" than the I am that takes the form of mentally voicing the words "I ... am." Is the wordless "I am" different from the wordless "presence" that is not yet the I-am I was talking about in (1)?

4. I take it that: the feeling I am ? the felt experience of the lived body. A potentially confusing thing here is that the felt experience of the body seems to be an experience of being and indeed to disclose my being (= my being as embodied). This might be a reason for describing the felt experience of the body as a form of I-am-ness. Perhaps the sense of my being as embodied is illusory (since the real I is not embodied), but the description seem phenomenologically accurate. There is a lived awareness of embodiment-a kind of bodily consciousness-is there not? Doesn't this consciousness come with a sense of "mineness"? You say: "[m]ost 'I am', subjective first person "feelings" will actually be associated with some form of body identification" - under the rubric of "false selves [that] will deceive all but most diligent." This suggests you think that there is a bodily I am that is distinct from the Advaita-preferred, distinct from the I-am-the-body-idea, I am. Is this your view?

Follow up thought: I had thought of mindfulness of the body (from Zen) as a "good" thing. I suppose that mindfulness of the body ? I-am-body-idea. You can be mindful of the body without identifying with it, can't you? Yet Nisargadatta advocates thinking constantly that I am not the body. This seems contrary to the spirit of cultivating mindfulness of embodiment. Does Advaita say that mindfulness of the body is incompatible with the desired I - consciousness?

5. I can become aware of that which asks Who am I? ("personal" report). Is this "awareness of the witness"? There are places where Nisargadatta associates awareness of the witness with I-am-ness. But this sense (of I-am-ness) seems to be very different from the sense of I-am-ness associated with wanting to be. It doesn't seem connected with a wish to continue existing. It doesn't seem to involve a sense of a separate identity. It may involve distinctness from what is witnessed, but there is no sense of difference from others. Other people don't seem to figure in this form of I-consciousness at all. Is there a witness I am that is different from a personal I am?

All this stuff is tremendously difficult to describe. So I'm not sure that I'm getting the phenomenology accurately. I may be making things more complicated than they need be (occupational hazard). But I've given it my best shot.

Thanks much.

---------------

My Reply:

The mind is quite self-disabling isn't it?

Most people avoid real self-inquiry by arguing about terms and
concepts used by one teacher versus another and get lost into trying to
discover how ultimately they agree, or that one guru was full of
crap while th other is the real thing.

Here you are using discrimination to effectively halt practice by
focusing on imaginary distinctions in experience.

It doesn't matter what Nisargadatta said or Ramana said about
practice. They really only, in the end, wanted an ending to concepts
by focusing on practice. But you focus on practice and find the conceptual
imaginary distinctions others find in the theories.

First principal:

All experiences are illusion including the sense of I, the word I, the
concept I, the sense of amness, and the waking and dreaming

experiences as a whole.

Self inquiry is not to find which aspect of the experience is real, or
belongs to Nisargadatta, but to see it is all unreal.

Just watch the I Am sense, sometimes associated with the body,
sometimes not. It changes with observation.

Just listen to Nisargadatta's pointers, but don't obsess over apparent
contradictions.

You want ultimately to submerge in consciousness only in order to find out
consciousness is as much illusion as concept.

Nisragdatta had his experiences which he formulated into an ideology,
which he then asks everyone to abandon. Ditto Ramana and Robert. A lot of what they say is just entertainment. The essence is practice.

Don't depend on them. You invesitigate yourself by inner observation
in the best way you know how to find your core.

Don't be distracted by techniques or experiences. They are for you to
borrow, improve upon or ignore.

Just grasp your sense of self however or whereever you find it and
hang on, or sit doing absolutely nothing, and various samadhi's will
come to you.

As Seung Sahn said over and over, you must become completely stupid.
Real hard advice for people used to using their minds. Robert spent 90% of

Satsang providing emotional entertainment, but always ended in talking about self-inquiry's visisitudes, and in the end, silence when all is empty.

You know emptiness from Zazen, but here there is the emptiness as the personal self is lost. That loss is different and more "personal" as you feel it to be YOUR emptiness rather than just a state of emptiness, as in Samadhi, that comes and goes.

As Robert said, "You become totally useless." That is why I like his "Good for Nothing Man" talk best.

It is somewhere on the itisnotreal website and ceratinly in his Collected Works.

My new kitten. She was rescued from a drainage ditch sceduled to be cemented over soon. Still trying to get her sister, a gorgeous Calico. She is six weeks 3 days old.

Slideshow below:

http://picasaweb.google.com/edwardmuzika/RecentlyUpdated?authkey=Gv1sRgCOyFyPXAkbjEyAE#slideshow/5379600491093539330

Letter:

Ed one more question. Who is it , first thing in the morning, that would try to catch the I as it rises from the self to the brain? What chases and what runs? There was one instance (or maybe 2), very clear, where I became conscious in this gap between sleep and waking up. I was aware of being, but I did not know who I was - just that I was. Also, I knew, without thinking, that I would know who I was when something reached my brain and activated the memories. Was this imagination? Is this trying to catch the I - just a way of saying - try to become conscious before you hit the brain, like I experienced? For there are not 2 I's One to run and One to chase. Terminalogy is such a trap to understanding.

My Response:

There is no I. Never was an I. I is a concept, a fiction. Same too with Self. These are just all words and concepts pointing to an imaginary existence. I appears to exist because you have the concept that there is an independent subject I associated with the word 'I'. When you see there is no objective you as a separate person that the word and concept I points too, then you see there is no objective external world either. All is you, the totality of consciousness. However, then you will begin to realize that consciousness is quite variable, yet you don't feel variable. You feel independent, free, the ultimate subject to whom waking, dream and sleep come as a show that is not you. You are the unmanifest subject, the noumena. Actually you are the world-show too, but it emmanates from your noumenal, absolute emptiness, and is variable while your true nature is not. So any questions about various I's searching for other I's and other imaginary splits are still the same--all this is just concept. You as an I do not exist. You as the totality that mistaken creates a multiplicity, fundamentally do not exist in existence, because you count existence as that which is perceived rather than that which perceives. It will become clear. Just keep going as you are. You are doing fine. Ed

My True Guru!

As Robert used to say over and over, "Everyone wants to get into the act!"

Letter:

"I haven't become aware of my "True Nature" (whatever that is) although I did have a strange experience once but since it involved a feeling of knowing and understanding all within the fake world I don't know what it was. Yet there is this innate sense that it is true that there is no me. I'm currently at the state where I just see my mind as a freaking nuisance and I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

"I can't even explain why it's so important to me- but I have to know because until then, nothing else matters. I've been dealing with this feeling that things weren't what they seemed and that I didn't belong for as long as I can remember."

"I don't know many authors or titles or the difference > between this school of thought or that one and frankly, I don't think > it matters within the context of trying to wake up."

Ed:

Actually, it matters most of all because it is all bullshit. The only
thing to pay attention to are instructions on how to practice
self-inquiry. That is the core of the two non-Robert texts I sent you:
practice and self-inquiry.

Here is the rub. Spiritual people are looking for something. They know
something is wrong with the world but they don't know what. They
search for something, but they don't know what. So they listen to all
the gurus with all the different philosophies and get totally lost.
The only way you don't get lost is exploring yourself. Hopefully you
get to the point where self-exploration is your own way rather than
trying to recreate the explorations Ramana or Nisargadatta did.

The last 2 chapters of the Path of Ramana Part I are two of the best
on self inquiry as is Pradeep.

Robert is stillness speaking to you through the modifications produced
by your mind and should be considered entertainment though you can
have wonderful temporary experiences as a result. "The Way" is marked by
these experiences. These are what keep people going. But, in the end,
the experiences are not important. The real work is being accomplished

through the silence accomplished through going within, and to an extent, Robert's words, or, as in my case, through listening to sacred music. Both instill stillness, silence.

Eventually you get to a place where you are yourself as You after all the spiritual reading and practices are done. By that time you are fully baked and utterly useless to anyone or anything
except your cats, whom you serve. But, you will be happy and complete.

A Letter: Nisargadatta was my main teaching 8 or 9 years ago and his books were my bibles. And so, I've been doing the I Am meditation since that time. I usually start in the head space on the in breath for "I". Then hold it there and on the out breath allow rest in the "Am"...I also just do shikantaza and focus more in the belly center. Towards the end of my meditations, I will place my hands on the heart and do the "I AM" there and pray for grace/surrender. I typically sit in the morning for 1/2 hour and then in the evening for another 1/2 hour. Sometimes, on my days off, i'll step it up and do a modified sesshin...and sit most of the day... 2-3 years ago, I felt i needed a teacher. Even though i could rest as non conceptual awareness, I was depressed and had a distaste for the world and no motivation to do anything...it became hard to be around family/friends because i felt so divorced from how they saw the world...so, i went to a zen monastery thinking someone would know how to live out this no-self state that i had become stuck in...it was there during a weeklong sesshin that i saw that everything i took myself to be was simply imagination...this quite simply, blew my mind and it came even harder to know how to be in the world after i left the monastery...i then started a contemplative bed and breakfast with my girlfriend focusing on yoga/meditation....this didn't bring in enough $$, so I ended up getting a job working with Alzheimer patients doing therapeutic recreation...this has been a god send and i can do the job with my big toe...but, when i'm not working, i usually just kind of lay around lately... still, i keep reading what other teachers have read or listen to youtube stuff...it's like, I don't know what else to do...i enjoy just listening to satsangs, but it seems like enough is enough and i feel like maybe i'm still depressed, as there's no motivation to do things...i can have thoughts of, for example, getting a master's degree in counseling, but then, it's like, why follow the imaginations of the mind anymore...i function in my job quite well and don't discuss my spiritual process with anyone there...i am now single and live quietly in a cabin in rural connecticut...i will go see family and friends in ohio, but i can only do quick visits for a day or two...after that, i need to be on my way...i still talk with my old girlfriend, who i could share this process with...i can't imagine being with someone who i couldn't discuss it with...or maybe it would be better....anyway, i'm living a hermit's life and to a degree it suits me, but as i said, things just feel incomplete... i know this is just my mind rambling, and these questions don't arise when i do the "I AM", but nonetheless, this is what is arising...hope this helps....thanks and take care....P

P, You are 99% done. You are doing fine. The sense of incompleteness itself is the last barrier. It is not you. It is not real. Just keep going. Love, Ed Imagine 99% cooked. That is VERY, VERY good.

Is there interest in starting a Satsang in the Los Angeles Area?

Robert never would have started a Satsang except that he couldn't work or drive anymore because of Parkinson's Disease. He jokingly referred to it as his job.

However, I miss Satsang, chanting and the association of people with like minds.

I live in the Valley, and Robert had Satsang all over LA. Satsang was always on Sunday afternoon at 1 pm and Thursday at 7:30. Thursdays were the "deeper" Satsangs, while Sunday were more general and more welcoming for newcomers.

I get emails once a month or so from people who want to know whether we hold Satsang. We don't. But if there were enough interest, it might happen.

If interested, email me at:

satsang.online@gmail.com

Dearest Ed,

A couple of weeks ago, you recommended I read and ponder Pradeep's 'Nisargadatta Gita' daily.

It was so profound - and obvious! - that it struck like a lightning bolt. My practice and conviction intensified. The 'light episodes' got more intense and it felt like I was being vacuumed clean from 'above' by a very powerful Dyson!

Initially, I felt elated. "At last ..." I thought, "... this would be the source of unalloyed happiness, joy, bliss!"

Well, that's what thought did!!! The original 'I Am' seemed to 'change' and become all fuzzy. It even split off into 'unreal?' bits??

During these 2 weeks, I appear to have been going through a whole range of 'weirdness.' I'm still 'passing out' every day for hours - and come back (it seems) on the realisation that I haven't been breathing. There's a bit of panic with this and my chest feels crushed empty. I've been boiling hot, freezing cold, my body hurts everywhere - it even feels like there's a wee alien taking footsteps under my skin - and nothing makes any sense anymore. I'm forgetful, confused, can't think straight. I can't talk to anyone either, like I've developed a fear of connecting with people.

It appears I'm literally going to go nuts and/or just burst right open at the seams with the seeming immensity of the 'problem' that I appear to have been 'stuck' on for the last few days (despite intense practice etc.)

There's this total and utter emptiness, desolation, despair, aloneness ... nothingness ... pointlessness. Disappointment. Anger that I've been 'lied' to ... cheated ... that all this time I've been looking to uncover the bliss of my True Nature ... the God within ... and there's absolutely nothing there.

I'm inquiring as to whom all this comes but just seem to be in the same space. Nowhere. No-one there.

It's like I've died to everything ... even to hope itself.

I would sooooo very much appreciate any direction you can offer Ed in what appears to be a very dark time.

I've been calling out to Robert for help and surrendering all this 'appearance' to him. All I'm aware of is "All is well and everything is unfolding exactly as it should." I'm hanging onto that!!

Love, G

Your true nature is neither emptiness or fullness. You are beyond both.

All these experiences you are having have nothing to do with you;

these are happenings in the consciousness you identified yourself

with. That emptiness nature is the nature of pure consciousness.

The not breathing means your entire being is relaxing and going beyond

body identification.

What is happening to you over days is what happened to me over a few hours.

There is absolutely nothing to fear, you are being liberated.

Ed

Thank you so much for your reassurance Ed.

Love G

Someone who never met Robert composed this fantastic love poem:

“God, God, God.”

Your violin arrived, Robert, but the answers to the equations weren’t

forthcoming. Instead … just a deafening symphony of silence. It put Brahms, Beethoven and Mendelssohn – even Narada Muni – to shame. There you were – lost in an imponderable composition that never was, but still went on forever. You saw the Limitless masquerade as the finite and dance in consummate stillness. That earned you an “F.” Well done. So … there’s no sky, and there’s no blue. It sounds like perfect kite weather, Robert. Let’s call in “gone for Now” And meet at Warner Park. Play musical chairs around a picnic table with benches? Only you could pull it off. You’re completely nuts, ya know – that’s what I love about you the most. When the harmonium stops playing, just save me a seat on your lap. Now it’s off to India, off to Hawaii, off to Oregon – And back to LA just in time for a cup of chai with Ed and Bodhi. Of course you never went anywhere – where could you possibly go? I miss you. Oh, how I miss you. I was never in your presence, But you were always by my side. Next time, if I don’t turn my head and face you, Just give me a little pinch to remind me that it’s all a dream. Now the peacock has been fed. Flowers lie on Lakshmi’s samadhi, And Dimitri has long since taken his final walk on the waning plane of storied yesterdays. I must have blinked and missed it all. Tell me one last time how everything came to pass, Robert – It’s not real, but it’s a beautiful, beautiful lie. You say took a lawyer to confession, did you? Too bad the confession of a jnani isn’t admissible in court. The magistrate just can’t find a box large enough to contain the Infinite. So I guess Reality will have to be our little secret. You’re such a mischief maker, Robert. You really had me going. For a while there, I almost listened your words – Instead of drinking all the love you offered in a single draught.

Hi Ed,

Listening to Robert is amazing.  I can't even believe the difference between reading and hearing him, beyond even what I imagined.  

What is so crystal clear about Robert than one can't pick up on as well through the writings, is his incredible compassion.  There is not an inkling of personal judgment in his responses to the questioners, a clear compassion. 

Like you said, the real test is in being a loving and compassionate person and the way he is can't be faked.  His compassion also comes out in his approach to suffering. While he says that everything is preordained, he acknowledges the need for doing what one needs to do; that is, he doesn't come from belief.     

S.

Hi Ed,

I have been seeking for over 30 years but the last 9 were more (or less) intensive.

Many teachers say Consciousness (turya, Brahman, I-Amness, etc,) is the final "goal". Some however say there is that which is beyond Consciousness which is the Absolute Reality. In fact Siddharameshwar calls Brahman the MahaMaya. It is the original illusion. The title of Jean Dunn's transcriptions, both titles approved by Nisargadatta: "Prior to Consciousness" and "Consciousness and the Absolute" speak to the point.

Consciousness may be a step towards realization of the Absolute, but as tourists say about the city of my birth, NYC., it's a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there.

I now have copies in a binding of the talks by Robert Adams from your site. Will take it with me on my upcoming trip. Have already read the 1st two. Also the recording of him "Awareness of Consciousness", I have listened to it several times. Funny though, this morning was the first time all of it got through. Thank you for making these available.


Best wishes, R.

To R:

Re Maha Maha.

Most of the famous gurus have metaphysics associated with their
"school." Ramana has Turiya and Turiyatta as does Nisargadatta. Lots of Buddhist schools have their own ontology and epistemology, while Zen more or less has none.

Both Krishnamurtis talk of unity consciousness and accept consciousness as a brain phenomena, while the I and you disappear in unity consciousness. They don’t go far from that.

Robert didn't really have any ontolohy. He'd mention them to entertain people--like me, and then at the end of the talk admit he was pulling their leg.

You have to take all if this with a grain of salt. Lot's of people
describe almost exactly the same experience in very different ways, and probably more often, very different experiences in similar ways.

As long as words are used to communicate, we never know what another experiences. Music, I think, better conveys the experience of another without too much distortion, but sucks at conveying ontology.

Therefore, how can you trust what anyone says that their experience means?

That is why I just advise people to practice self-inquiry and find their own experience and truth which they can then express as their message.

Therefore too, I recommend listening to sacred music. I think those who get it, all get more or less the same experience.

Ed

A Reader Questions:

Dear Ed, it was recommended to me by a friend that I contact you with a few questions that I have. I am a 21 year old University of  XXXX student majoring in Classics. I am having difficulty understanding the definition of existence in Mind 4 of the Blue website. I understand that since the world is defined by the mind's perception that it has no foundation in reality because thoughts are not real and do not exist. According to the definition of existence provided on the blue website there is nothing that exists because there is nothing that is tangible, and there is nothing that is tangible because perception defines tangibility, and perception is simply a thought, and thoughts are not tangible so they do not exist. This is where I stumble. The suggestion made by this definition that thought and perception are one in the same is true on a biological level. Chemical and electrical signals in the brain and body work to affect thought and perception in a similar manner, but I wonder if it might be incorrect to suggest that sensory perception and thought are no different. In addition it seems to me that the given definition of existence is too narrow. When I hear the word exist I assume it is referring to something that "is," or rather something that "is not a lack of something," although making nothing the subject of a sentence, and making nothing into something that I can refer to seems paradoxical. I understand that what is and what is not depends solely on my perception of it and in that way there is nothing without the mind's perception. Is it possible that the only way to understand non-existence is that non-existence is that which the mind cannot fathom or perceive, and by that definition it is impossible to ever reach a higher state of awareness? And if that were true might it also be true that enlightenment is just another mind state.

p.s. I am aware that I use the word "I" a lot, and I realize the implications of this. But I am not sure how to convey through speech what "I" am thinking.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my ramblings. 

Dear YYYYYYYY

For future correspondence can you use a larger type, such as 12-14 pts and break up your questions into separate paragraphs to make it easier for this old mind to follow?

I am not defining thought or the world there. I am pointing out my understanding.

To use an analogy, thought is like a mass that distorts awareness, grabs hold of it, and creates a condition, such as an apparent object. Without the thought to give the formless awareness form, there would no form, no objects, no external world.

When the thoughts are no longer identified with through practice, they lose the ability to create forms including objects. Then they are seen to be unreal compared to the “seer” who is You.

You have the primary existence, all else is secondary to you, impermanent, having no substance. It is a passing imaginal form. You, as a person are as nothing in this scheme, just a passing form.

In any event, this is not a definition. Definitions are between words and concepts. It is more like a description which binds the world to concepts.

Ultimately awareness, the real, whatever you call it, cannot be described or defined. You need to get beyond this bottleneck of trying to understand with words, anything. The mind will never give you freedom. To go free you need to lose your mind.

Communicating with a Teacher

I get several emails everyday form people asking directions about their practice and often with practices far from what I have recommended or practiced myself. These questions are very difficult to answer because I am not in their skin nor vice versa. We communicate through concepts, words and images, yet there is no common point "Rosetta Stone" whereby I can know that what you mean by "red" is the same as what I mean, or that your experience of "emptiness" or "I Am" is the same as mine was. We just all assume there is some correspondence, and in most instances things seem to work out as if there had been communication.

Therefore when you send a description, unless it is very detailed and dovetails into my own experiential progression on the path, I really can't tell where you are because you are still lost in what I call "Imaginal Space," the inner conceptualizing and imaging processes that fill our inner and outer sense of emptiness with a non-existent world of name, substance and form. That emptiness becomes polluted by the constant mentation/imaging processes.

The trick is to end imaginal space and its contents altogether. The I Am is the core component that arranges and orders that imaginal space giving the world its form and you your apparent body/mind.

But many of the questions I get are on how to proceed to enlightenment from some point inside of the questioner's imaginal space meditation experiences, which are all illusory. It is almost like asking, "In which direction do I need to walk in order to get into the Fifth Dimension?" Well, there is no Fifth Dimension from where you are, there will only be continuity of the illusion unless you want to wake up.

Meditation can only get you to an experience of a very refined emptiness such as the Clear Light Void I have talked about. The I Am feeling, imagining and thinking are in abeyance, and a feeling of the empty and void nature of things is strong.

This is very subtle and peaceful, but is not enlightenment which is a total blowing out of the imaginal space and its contents.

Nothing can show you the way to this true void, true emptiness; it has to happen to you. The best you can do is to prepare the way, that is, practice. Awakening becomes the focus of your attention.

Right now for the sake of communication, using a specific variety of Self-Inquiry which I feel is both rapid and least likely to cause you to go astray, I ask you to download Pradeep's "Nisragdatta Gita" from the Resource page. Print it out and put it in a 3 ring binder. Read 4-5 paragraphs every morning and "ponder" the meaning. Correct meditation then can be almost automatic.

I like his form because there is less likelyhood of getting lost compared practicing awareness watching awareness, or trying to follow the I-thought to its source.

As long as you can feel your sense of existence, you will have a guide. But asking yourself, "Who am I?, and waiting, or sitting trying to be aware of awareness, can lead to losing interest, getting lost, and puts an unnecessary emphasis on void-like or emptiness meditations. I know, because I did this meditation for many years.

After you do this a few weeks, then send questions and we will be a little bit "closer" to being on the same page.

The Reader Loses It Then Gets It Back Again


READER:

Hi again Ed, I know that you want me to dwell in emptiness, in true existence as much as possible. But last night, I was reading Robert's Collected Works and would appreciate your clarification if it's alright. If I shouldn't even be asking this, I understand. It relates to, but is also different from the original question I asked you about deep sleep.

Robert states: "Once you go to sleep, the world no longer exists for you and you are is a state of dreamless sleep. The state of dreamless sleep is like jnana, self-realization, except you have consciousness. But there is no denying that you exist, for when you wake up you say, "I slept well." The state of dreamless sleep is like a person who died. It gives you an idea of what happens to you when you die, so to speak....So the first state of consciousness is dreamless sleep, and you exist in dreamless sleep."

This does not feel true for me as there are often times in which I am not aware that I had been sleeping (only the clock tells me) and so Robert's statement does not for me, "confirm" my existence, my undying consciousness. In fact, deep sleep seems to be the exception to the recognition that I exist. I do realize that my question is also rooted in an egoic fear, in old family history, but it snags me.

In your own writings you say: "Even the deep sleep state is a state of consciousness. The brain, mind and body are shut down during that ‘time’. All is forgotten because remembering requires mind. Mind is shut down during deep sleep as is the brain. Both are forgotten. But an underlying tone of awareness continues. Many people after some practice "feel" the presence of the sleep state even when awake. YOU are that which can simultaneously be aware of both waking and sleeping, even though you are primarily the waking state at the time.....There is no argument that can prove there is an observing consciousness or existence in sleep. All arguments that there is consciousness in sleep depend on argumentation and inference. They try to convince the reader that this is their direct experience by inference. This is a weakness of all Jnani-style expositions: he mystery of the deep sleep state..."

What you write is true, isn't it? Unborn existence or awareness cannot be confirmed in deep sleep, the one state free of mind. Awareness in deep sleep appears to have been unquestionably true for Robert as an exception. Still any clarification would again be helpful.

ANSWER:

Ahh, you lost it. That is to be expected.

Robert was repeating the standard Jnana-Advaita argument that just does not wash. It is a ridiculous argument.

BUT, you are still looking for a waking-type of awareness in deep sleep. It won't happen. Ever.

The question again comes from a place of identification with waking consciousness as the only "real" consciousness.

However, the waking consciousness is an artifact of having a body and depends on the state of the body. It is weak, feeble and temporary. Ditto dream sleep.

Dream sleep is the imaginal world weakly illuminated by waking consciousness.

The real argument is that you are That which is aware of the coming and going of waking consciousness.

The analogy I used was a candle flame. The flame itself, if conscious, would not be aware of its non-existence. Only the wick and the observer would be aware of the coming and going of the flame.

So too with you. You are aware you are aware now, and you are also aware you will not be aware 12 hours from now.

That you is like the wick or the observer.

You can argue that it is only the conscious mind that knows it will not be a few hours hence and not something beyond, yet, when you wake up and when you go to sleep you do watch the coming and going of sleep. It is not the waking mind that observes that, it is the underlying consciousness associated with having an alive body, Turiya.

It is this recognition that you see the coming and going that creates the knowledge you are beyond all this. You can never see That which is beyond it, but you become rooted in it with that knowledge.

I go one step further than most Advaita. Most take that emptiness and Void they perceive to be that out of which the world and body arise, but the Void is merely another percept. You perceive it. You are beyond by having no property at all, not even void or space, just as when you sleep.

That is, without a body you are nothing at all, not even sentient. You are the witness of all sentience including waking consciousness.

I never asked Robert if he had a waking consciousness with memory at night. I think if I were to ask him, he would say he did not.

You have to lose hold of waking consciousness as being the measure of all existence. It is not.

READER:

Wow Ed, Thank you for your response. Everything you say is extremely clear. Formless, aware presence "returned". No qualities or properties here, not a mark. This reality is so real, yet of nothing. Also today, I directly saw the made-up quality of my fear. So made up! I heard that people laugh when seeing this, but I never did. Today though, the seriousness with which I had taken this storybook sense of reality made me laugh. I also see that I have always known this true reality.

I do have another question that rises from this awareness.

Last week I wrote this down: There is no separation between mind and no mind, even though mind is a conceptual overlay. Paradox vanishes. Even untruth is of the One and yet not, infused, supported by an emptiness that cannot be described. Thought does not bother me. I engage in the world as a play and though unreal, is loved as the All.

Sometimes however and today, this is noticed: True reality is not aware of anything, not even of dream states. Only the pure, unmarked, absolute reality exists, so there is nothing else to be aware of.

When you have time, can you let me in on any sense of what is going on here? The awareness is different.

Thank you for being there.

ANSWER:

Part of the old you is struggle desperately to stay alive--or this is how it appears.

Actually, there is a loose wheel portion of your mind that keeps spinning out of habit, generating questions and perplexities.

Sort of like having a sore tooth, but after the root canal, something seems wrong without it.

At times you let this process take over and out spins questions and perplexities.

The only light to shed is that this is a pathological part of yourself that needs passive observation and separation from.

It is almost like you just received $20,000,000 and then start asking questions about how two bills seem to have been printed at different mints, have different signatures on them, and different colors, thinking there might be some deep meaning.

You have been searching a long time and part of you would feel lost if there were nothing more to do except sit still.

READER:

Thank you Ed. Your description is so brilliantly clear that I have to laugh. I see the residual habit. I see my endearing toothache. I will sit still, passively observing. I don't mind. The old is not my only choice anymore. Thank you again for your keen guidance. I don't believe you fully know how much you help me.

A Reader Awakens
...

The last post was a question from a reader and my responses. The topic was sleep. The exchange is listed in the previous post.

Since then, there were additional exchanges recorded immediately below.

She has awakened. Her experience is real. It is obvious by her comments and questions that she has been wandering in the foothills of enlightenment for some time. This will not be her last Satori.

Now that she has seen clearly who she is, she will need to hold onto it and deepen both her experience and understanding. Remember, Robert spent 17 years wandering around India making sure, as he put it, that “I didn’t miss anything.” Ramana spent years living in the basement of temples or caves speaking to no one. This is the real beginning of practice.

As Philip Kapleau told me, the initial seeing is like finding the light switch in a dark room. When the light goes on so to speak, you begin to see the wonders of consciousness and beyond.

READER:

Hi Ed,

Yesterday, I witnessed the coming and going of appearances for about ten hours. I saw that all objects are empty of inherent Being, are a reflection of mind and yet in a way, are themselves of Being, of Consciousness, because they are objects or reflections of Consciousness. I can generally embrace this, even though at times I can get a kind of ego rebellion and feel unpleasantly dead. I realize that this feeling is just another thought, an identification with mind and body, and will need to witness this too.

Anyway, here is my question. Although it is clear to me that the object world is a reflection of mind-body thoughts and perceptions, are there not objects or a world outside of the human mind-body that are also reflections of the one ultimate conscious reality? If I see a tree for instance, I can "see" that this appearance includes a product of thought and perception. However, if I tell another "person" about the tree, its appearance and location, it will be recognized by the other as the same tree.

So is there not an illusory reflection of Reality or Supreme Consciousness going on that is not an exclusive reflection of the human perceptual, thinking mind alone and that creates the appearance of a world? That is, is ultimate reality reflecting an illusory world as well as and including an illusory human thinking mind that also creates an image of a world, or is there only the human mind creating the dream of world?

If it's the later, I don't understand it, cannot reconcile the contradiction of the apparent consistency of the world even in light of the mere inferences of sensory perception. For me this makes it difficult to know how to address and live in this world even as a dream.

Thanks so much for being there. Being able to write to you is so helpful.

RESPONSE:

Why are you doing this?

The question is only philosophy, asking epistemological and ontological opinions. This is only thinking. The question is bullcrappy. It is of no more value than asking whether the numbers 2 and 5 have some actual physical existence as a logical set somewhere in space-time.

All elements of consciousness are illusion, including your question. There is no human. There is no human mind. There is no Cosmic mind or Absolute. These are just words. There is nothing behind them.

You are getting close, don't screw around "reconciling." What is there to reconcile in order to drink coffee at Starbucks?

What you are to do is investigate your experience, isolate unadulterated consciousness and dwell there.

In any event, you can answer the question yourself and see what it does for you. Ask the question and then say, "Yes there is." Then ask and say, "No, there isn't." See whether either answer helps you in any way. Perhaps you just enjoy feeling perplexed.

Have you discovered what the dark denseness experience is yet?

READER:

Hi Ed, I understand and see that what you said is so. I'll drop all this and go back to dwelling in reality, in true conscious awareness. I started already. I watched the dark emptiness for two hours when I woke up, but it remained dense. When I look at it right now, I sense it as an illusory thought form, but in this next moment, it is lighter and not truly dead. I still don't know. I will look at it through the evening and then again in the morning when the experience of the dense darkness is very strong.

Thank you for the wake up call. I am very grateful.

RESPONSE:

The darkness is only sleep.

You are always aware of all three states, deep sleep, waking and dream. Everyone is always aware of the dream state always without knowing it. It is the constant movement of thought forms and images I call imaginal space.

You are aware of all three states at once. That You is beyond them and has no characteristic they have such as waking consciousness, time, space, objects, etc.

Please read the new site very carefully. Most of your questions will be answered there. It is the blue site within the yellow/orange site.

READER:

Ed, I gasped when I read your response. After looking at the dense darkness for over an hour, I saw that it was of the mind, but did not grasp its nature. When you just said, "The darkness is only sleep", there was complete clarity. That's what I was seeing, a mind-based sleep state!! This clarity is liberating. Yet, I am also aware that I am beyond "this clarity". I am beyond this knowing, yet not separate from it. I am beyond being and not-being, beyond all concepts. I read the new site twice and will continue to read it carefully. I am so very grateful for your guidance.

RESPONSE:

Congratulations!

Don’t lose it.

Practice.

READER:

Thanks Ed. New morning. The mind "does not work" in the deep sleep state, so there is the appearance of dense darkness. I am now aware of this as an appearance, aware that this is a mind state that comes and goes and that I am not it. I am beyond all arisings in the imaginal mind. I am aware of this state, yet "have no characteristic of it". In under one week, you saved me an additional ten years of searching, or maybe a lifetime. Thank you, thank you!

Sleeping mind, waking mind, enlightenment.

Hi Ed, You said that you allow for crazy questions. Here's one that has been plaguing me for a over a decade. It would be nice to be rid of it. Here it is. While literally awake, Consciousness, Bliss, etc. are accessible. All of this however, seems to totally disappear when I am in a deep, dreamless sleep. Let me qualify.

When I am waking up from this dreamless sleep, I look at what I am rising from, still half in the sleep, and it seems that there is nothing there, the absence of even a flickering light of Awareness. Instead, there seems to be only a kind of dark blankness and I become afraid that this is what death truly is. Years ago when I was under anesthesia, I woke with the profound sense that what I was rising from is what death really is, a literal and absolute dead blankness.

If Awareness is always here and truly eternal, why would there not be some taste of Consciousness when I look at the deep sleep "state" while still half in it? Now I realize that Consciousness is not a "thing" to be remembered. That is why I emphasize being between the waking and sleep states when considering this issue. The egoic self feels afraid that formless awareness may after all, just be a product of the waking brain, of the unconscious mind and this perpetuates a fear of death that I would like to be free of.

Advaita writings talk all of the time about deep dreamless sleep as that of pure Consciousness. How do they know? If this nagging concern were to abate, I would have a quieter mind. No one I have ever talked to has been able to address this question. Is this going to be one of those unanswerable questions that are free?

Answer:

THIS IS THE CENTRAL QUESTION AND DILEMMA OF ALL JNANA TEACHINGS, ZEN, ADVAITA, ETC.

Not one in 10,000 get this as the central problem, know, illusion.

Listen carefully.

This is what I first wrote when I lost identification with the body and I saw waking consciousness--I Am--come and go:

I am That who is aware of the coming and going of I Am, of consciousness.

I am even before this knowledge.

I have no attibutes, I am before and beyond all attributes, knowing and not knowing.

I am and the world are little things compared to me.

Your problem is you still identify with waking consciousness and the body. Waking consciousness is trivial.

You are That who is aware of being, and then of not-being.

You are That who is aware of being, and then of not-being.

You are That who is aware of being, and then of not-being.

Being and Not Being arise in you. You are That who is aware of their coming and going.

As such, you are That who is beyond both.

This is the liberation.

At this point, just feel the dark emptiness and see what happens. It is only the sleep state in the background. It comes and goes. You are the witness of it coming and going. It is not you; it is a percept. But, when you know it, it has a welcoming nature.

The knowledge that you are not that which comes and goes is the first liberation. What you are is unknowable as an object. You are it, the witness of all. This is the beginning of your real practice after the disidentification with the body.

Next is to tease out all the extraneous added on stuff and find the Fundamental without adulteration. As of now, just take the position of the witness of the coming and going and recognize you are even beyond the knowledge that you are beyond consciousness.

Also, read closely what “Advaita writers” are actually saying. Conscious sleep means only that the thinking mind is not working. Nothing more. The mind does not work in deep sleep. So, what they mean is having no mental workings while awake. This is what they mean by waking sleep.

You have projected a meaning into what they say that they did not mean. But it is their screw up because they are not clear.

A reader writes:

Dear Ed,

I wanted to add to my question I sent...and not sure this needs to be added to the online site...up to you...

The Work question... "Is it true?" also stops the mind, like "Who am I?" or "What am I?"

I find for myself that I no longer need to write thoughts. That last night when I thought "I am crazy" I then asked myself "what is crazy?" and found myself laughing. I practice direct asking "what am I? or "what is upset?"..."what is going through this?" or "what is having a stomach ache?" I continually find the answer as no one, nothing, no "I"... peaceful, still, empty, no- thing SELF, always there. I find nothing is ever happening, that all arises and falls away in this SELF that is present, happy, still, silent, like a watcher, observing all phenomena, itself empty but alive, love, benevolent SELF, holding all without preference, hereness, amness, beingness.

Although I do not stay here but return to mind world, I believe I return because of familiarity of old conditioned self.

Anyway, wanted to add this because I wonder if The Work can also bring folks here, although maybe not this self, or perhaps I am cheating myself by not writing it all down and being lazy?

Thanks for the help on all this...feels good to get this all out.


Response:

Any strong question stops the mind, but only "Who am I?" or similar help you locate the thread of consciousness that leads back to the source.

Is it true only stops the mind and thinking, but does not provide the thread.

Many States; the "True" state.

A reader asks:

I have been trying to meditate on the "I am" but I am never really sure if this "I am" or my "meditation on consciousness" is not just another illusion. I don't really want to be running in circles forever, so I thought I'd email you about my current states/meditations and see which if any you consider to be the right approach. I am usually watching my mind throughout the day, and have formal sit down meditation, and music meditation at least 3-5 hours a day.

These writings on my states are copied from a diary entry I did earlier today.

CURRENT STATES:

1. Unconscious robot state. This state is kind of relaxing as it is mentally taxing to keep awareness at all times. Anyways in this state I usually just go into robotic critter mode, without any consciousness of speech and actions, self, etc. Is this the state I was always in before my turiya experience which briefly awoken my heart? In this state I almost always catch myself acting as a robot, and will sometimes (when exhausted from meditation, etc) just release and allow myself to become a robot again. It seems like after an intense meditation it's a good thing (or just easy) to just become a robot again, puts the mind at ease.

2. Forced concentration silent state. This is possibly what is called Laya, I am unsure. In this state I sometimes have such intense concentration it is overwhelming. Brain is mostly silent in this state, and thoughts have hardly any hold over me, they seem like futile attempts of mind. Concentration seems most intense while high on marijuana. The intense concentration feeling almost immediantly vanishes when I let the mind take over again.

3. Nice feeling meditation. In this state I concentrate on the impersonal nice feeling in the solar plexus that breathe seems to bring about (increased oxygen?). This state feels pleasant and when I focus I can continue this meditation without interruption from mind. However when the focus is lost, mind creeps back in until I realize that I fell back into robot mode. I have not attempted this meditation for long periods, or practiced it very long. I hear that if you focus on the heart and its feeling "I am" ? there is a chance it will swallow you up. Is this the right meditation for the swallowing to occur, the nice feeling doesn't really feel like its mine, it just feels like its there?

4. Everyday base awareness. I think I am in this state throughout most the day, just watching what is going on from an objective perspective, especially focused on watching my mind. I almost always catch myself slipping into robot mode and will bring myself back to this base awareness. This state is not extremely pleasant or anything, but it does root you into more of a reality into what is actually going on, rather than constantly day dreaming. Sometimes I feel good in this state, and sometimes I am without feelings until a stimuli (usually a person or animal) produces a feeling in me.

5. Meditating on consciousness? I am not sure if I have the right meditation here, but it seems to me like I am meditating on the mind/awareness itself. Mind is silent and thoughts rarely penetrate my focus. This is hard to explain as I am not really sure what is happening here. Am I tracing consciousness to its source, it sometimes feels this way? Would this type of meditation be right, or is it just another futile effort?

6. Spontaneous attempt of the hearts. This to me is the most genuine state or experience that I have throughout life. It feels as though the heart tries to break loose. Such pure love seems to randomly appear, albeit very briefly. Tears often ensue and thinking of Ramana makes me feel extremely comforted and loved. I would like to think this is turiya trying to break out, but I don't know. Sometimes brain will be like," Yes turiya come please come!" other times it will be fearful of its demise and want to go into robot mode. These experiences of intense bliss cannot be forced. Sometimes I will purposefully think of Ramana, and him saying "everything is fine" but I will have no response (besides an objective part of my personality which says, "you're pathetic, you can't force yourself to care!" It seems like these attempts of the heart breaking out occur most during listening of music, random points in meditation and random points throughout the day. These spontaneous attempts of the heart are probably the only real way to realize the self, but I want to ensure I am doing the right things to increase the chances of these attempts occurring.

7. Sleep meditation mixed with laziness ? I absolutely love sleeping, oh my; it's probably one of my most enjoyable things. I guess not existing is just that much fun! I think I almost always go into deep sleeps, since I hardly ever remember dreams (maybe one every four months). I read in the Nisargadatta Gita that the moment before fully waking up is a good place to catch turiya, and this makes a tremendous amount of sense. Almost every morning I become a little conscious before my mind fully wakes up, I have not caught turiya, but it is a wonderful state where I hardly know anything, I can see it being useful. Often times though enough of my mind appears which knows "this is a good place for turiya, where are you turiya!?"

While I know these random thoughts just appear from nowhere and they dont feel like they belong to me, it's hard for them to go away! I often try and meditate in this state and watch myself go back to sleep. I will wake up, watch, and go back to sleep and then repeat the process maybe two or three more times (very lazy, I've been working a lot lately).

In my meditations I often will ask myself "who am I", "who is experiencing this", "where does this come from", etc. Sometimes there is a genuine curiosity for the answers, othertimes I just don't care.

Basically I do enjoy life, I do not ever really think about my personality and I have seen myself become more child like, and a loss of judgments. Also I have seen myself become much more forgetful and newbish (I guess this is from thinking less, or focusing on the external world less?). Things do seem fresher, and I do seem "more aware." But also things aren't so great. I clearly see that my mind is not really mine, we are not in control of it, is the best we can do just watch our robot selves?

There is hardly anything that really feels like mine, not the nice solar plexus feeling, not the conscious meditating on itself state, and this doesn't bother me, but for the fact that don't you have to hold onto an "I am" to bring about the right conditions? So even though life seems stress free and is for the most part without worries I still know that my true essence is turiya, so I can't help but want to be completely free from this robotic life. I am not sure if I am close, I would like to think so though.

My mind seems often scared of its demise, because it remembers dying once. I often find my mind making up bullshit excuses during meditation, to avoid a breakthrough of the heart, the mind is afraid. As mind does become kinda scared at times, as it recognizes the severity of its "dying", I think a loving teacher would really help me break out, to show me fully that everything is just fine, but I know that this is already within me, so a physical teacher is not technically required....Even though the turiya experience directly showed me that everything is perfect, everyone is already enlightened I still think it's terribly sad that people are unconscious of it and we are really fucking up this world/ourselves.

A part of me wants to become free and wake up as soon as possible, not only because I am tired of this robot self, but because I really want to help wake up others....

thanks for reading, anything would be appreciated!

Reply:

It is important to not be fascinated by the passing phenomena, but find the source. There is the underlying identity to whom all this is happening.

Be aware that you are separate from and witnessing all this.

Then fall backward into the identity that is aware you are not the states you observe.\

Then recognize you are even before the recognition that those states are not you.

The way you are going is exceedingly complex because you are chasing leaves, not retracing the root.

The saving grace is you are looking in the right direction with energy and intelligence. That energy and persistence are 99% of the equation. Keep it up!

But deep inside you must recognize the seeker in you is That to whom all this is occurring, and therefore, much, much bigger than even Turiya. This is a big show, who is watching it? On the other hand, That is not a thing, nor even a state. It is beyond the world. Beyong waking and sleep and even beyond Turiya.

Ed

MORE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Below. I get emails from many seekers with different email addresses but with the same surname. I get confused as to who is who because I find multiple threads of email exchanges from different addresses with SOMETIMES similar content. The below conversations are from AL and J, who share the same name. They may well be two, but I answer them as one.


Conversation #1 From J:

As per your instruction, I have been starting my day with the Nisargadatta Gita. Wonderful text. I can say it is helping without a doubt. To what degree, I'm not sure. I'm not sure if degree matters. It has helped me see how far reaching and simultaneously subtle the workings of the mind are. On a few occasions, it felt as if my thoughts, and the energy that goes along with them, melted away, and aside from my eyes, there was very little sensation in the head. In fact it seemed as if my thoughts moved downward internally. And on one occasion I thought I caught a thought springing up from below. I don't put much value in sensation. Should I?

I have begun to grasp the fact that the "I am" is present at all times and it is getting easier to fall back to it at all times of the day. I find myself becoming suddenly less partial in arguments. In fact I seem to have lost the desire to argue at all. This can't be understated. I've always reveled in arguing because I'm quite good at it. But in the limited amount of conversation I've had about "I am" with some close friends, I have observed in them the mind's ability to argue any phrase of words, no matter how true. I've seen this in myself as well.

I feel I've made great progress, yet I feel I don't really have any idea what I'm doing. I'm tired of trying to figure things out, yet I desire nothing else. One thing I can not do is use my memory to go back to the early childhood "I am". Although I don't expect I should be able to do this so easily.

I am learning the value of reading slowly (I've always been a relatively slow reader, last one done in class). It helps to create gaps that make it difficult for the mind to bridge. The mind seems to cycle the last thought until the next one is ready. I am learning to let the last thought drop before moving on to a new idea. My mind does not like this. It makes me want to sleep. In fact this newfound daytime sleepiness is my biggest obstacle right now. I hope this is some period of adjustment or some form of protest by my mind. I don't want to turn into Winnie the Pooh. I do like to get things done.

I thank you very much for your feedback. I know no one nor can I seem to find anyone in Appalachian Ohio that has had even the tiny glimpse I have had to discuss these things with. Is that a plus or minus? Is it good to seek out others in this? Or is it better to stay put and stay quiet?

Answer #1:

Jeremy, you are doing very well. Keep going as you are.

Seek others out as it is a boon to find them, but do not seek too high and far. They will be close, so don't make a career out of it.

You will feel your own correct place and time.

Conversation # 2, J:


I was reading some of your blog posts, and there seems to be a theme in spiritual matters which I just can't relate to. I almost never remember any dreams. As a child I would remember nightmares, which were common, and there were dreams about girls as a teen, but in my adult life, the amount of times I have awoke with any sense, let alone vivid memory, of what transpired in my dreams I could probably count on my fingers. And all but 2 or 3 of those have been very simple little dreams where I finish a conversation that never got finished in the waking state.

My question is, should I spend any time investigating this, or is this something that abiding in the I am will lead me to in due course?


Answer #2

There is nothing to be gained by pursuing the subject.

Your mind tries to distract you saying "I am bored with self-inquiry."

So to speak, your unreal ego is getting frigtened--at least that is the standard explanation. In fact, it is all bullshit. Just don't go down that path, it is a time-waster.

Conversation #3, J:

Your directness is appreciated. That day I woke up with a remarkable freshness, tried to "hold on" to it, but the mind fought back especially hard, it seemed. I had lots of "ideas" that day.

Would I be right in assuming that any "ideas" I might think I have are just that? What I mean is any idea is a collection of words and therefore of the mind, and therefore at best symbolic of what I'm after? I think I answered my own question.

Conversation # 4, AL (AKA J???)

Ed, my teacher, friend, cyber guru, very own self, dreamed up charachter. It is so strange that after realizing the whole ball of wax emanates from me including the idea of an Ed, a Ramana, and a J., life has collapsed into a very normal humanly existence except one thing, I know its ALL me, whatever I am, each moment just a passing show, day dreams and night dream are the same.

It is funny how every night new charachters from my entire dream existence of 41 years all of the old even childhood friends have been there, almost to remind me of my dreaming capabilities in both states, I cant tell if the fourth state has spread to sleep but it seems with no mind it would not be evident upon so called waking. Things still happen plenty, J. still practices the musical arts, reads bible to our kids, walks dog, grows his own sprouts and goes through nutritional routines, wants to be healthy. It is just recognized as fake and really doesnt matter. When in action (such as at work).. things flow out of J. at breakneck speed with no thought involved, when still... peace and joy prevail.

My question is, should practice of any sort still be pursued, and who the hell would do it? The awareness watching awareness guy recommends practicing until bodily death to prevent the ego from coming back, but really there never was an ego is what is seen here. Also it is clear that my entire life has been nothing but thoughts manifesting as apparent reality, Robert says stay with silent mind and transcend the whole ball of wax, any pointers?

Answer # 3

You are also AB, no? many times seekers send in questions that have 2-3 email addresses, but sign the email with the same personal name. Assuming J and AB are the same, I am answering both conversations above.

I understand where you are. There is no sense of self as an operating entity so you ask who can direct the practice. Apprehending where you are feels wonderful and you feel you cannot lose it. But, you can and will until you become absolutely fixed in it.

The fact you ask questions and your mind is filled with thinking means that you are not stable enough.

Set aside some time each day, maybe three times a day where you do nothing except be.

Go until all thoughts about what i going on die, and you are absolutely fixed.

Then, assurance MAY come when you feel yourself die as an entity. Then, some time after that happens, you MAY be finished with practice.

When you rest too easy, too soon, you will eventually lose it. You may lose it no matter what "you" do, but then you start again knowing where you have to go.

Regarding dreams. It seems your mind does not produce visual images well. That is fantastic for you because it is the visual imaging sense that appears to hold the non existence world together for most. It is the "glue" that holds the illusion together far more than the other senses.

Just be careful now, constantly stay in your sense of existence. Don'r get distracted, especially by boredom down the way and the thinking there must be more to this

From a Reader:

Hello Ed,

I enjoyed reading your new article entitled, "My Own Method." After trying and abandoning pretty much everything else, I also fell back on chanting. I wasn't trying to accomplish anything at that point -- I just had an impulse to do it and went with it. It was pretty much the only thing that kept me sane. I don't have much of a musical background, but I still love sacred music from all traditions. Someone once said that music is the next best thing to silence, but really, chanting and silence are exactly the same thing, and there's nothing better than either one.

There's really nothing anyone can do. At some point, the heart just opens and swallows us up. For some strange reason, it does seem necessary for people to put themselves through all manner of spiritual practices and hazing rituals before this happens, but none of those things really do anything except make the story of human existence a little more entertaining. I guess if too many people followed the example of Valmiki (author of the Ramayana) and went directly from being infamous criminals to a great saints, all the yogis practicing tapas would get really pissed off and start complaining to the Big Guy. We couldn't have that.

Yep, practice is absolutely necessary, for no particular reason other than that's how this drama was written: We start as an amoeba, eventually evolve to human form, get depressed, start standing on our heads and uttering mantras, get even more depressed, give up, and find eternal peace. It's a pretty straightforward formula, really.

I noticed that you suggested putting all Robert's talks on mp3 players and playing them in the morning or whenever. I think this makes as much sense as anything and will help some people. My wife loves to listen to Robert and has asked me if I can get more of his talks from somewhere other than the Infinity Institute. If you ever want to sell me an mp3 player with Robert's talks on them that I could give to her, I will take an oath to disavow all knowledge of where they came from if the advaita police ever raid my home and ask whether I got the talks from "authorized '30 year' students®." Or, if you don't want to bother, that's fine too. Everything sorts itself out in the right way eventually.

A reader wrote:

First off, thanks for being available for questions. I recently wrote you so thanks again for the response.

Not sure where I am on any level...I am mostly self-schooled. I live alone.

Ok...I can, in a moment go into deep humility, bliss, joy and love since 2003. Sometimes drooling has occurred due to being so deep in the bliss. When I have had enough bliss (ha)...I can return to mind world. It has matured through the years.

When I sit, or spontaneously, some kind of "expansion" feeling comes into my belly heart area, heart and head. It is like a pulling back or down in the belly, contracting in the belly, heart expansion and top/sides of my head have a pulling feeling, eyes/forehead expand. Sometimes the "3rd eye?" feels like a pulling, wanting to stretch it out. This happens daily, if I allow, and sometimes spontaneously. Mind goes in the background, just being occurs. I don't know what any of this means and have been avoiding any guidance, so I can just be with it and not try to figure it out.

Since reading your site I felt it was time to ask about this. I have been at the "Who/What am I?" for 12 years and have had many awakenings including "I AM." Still caught out in the mind self but have the choice to be in the "I amness" or bliss.

Can you say where I am at, what this all sounds like to you?

I am most grateful for the guidance.

Respectfully, XXX

ED:

"Not sure where I am on any level...I am mostly self-schooled. I live alone."

Good.

"Ok...I can, in a moment go into deep humility, bliss, joy and love since 2003. Sometimes drooling has occurred due to being so deep in the bliss. When I have had enough bliss (ha)...I can return to mind world. It has matured through the years."

Then you are doing fine. You can't ask for much more, even though the process is not complete.

"When I sit, or spontaneously, some kind of "expansion" feeling comes into my belly heart area, heart and head. It is like a pulling back or down in the belly, contracting in the belly, heart expansion and top/sides of my head have a pulling feeling, eyes/forehead expand. Sometimes the "3rd eye?" feels like a pulling, wanting to stretch it out. This happens daily, if I allow, and sometimes spontaneously. Mind goes in the background, just being occurs."

This is just Kundalini often explained as an unbalanced energy process. But you are advanced enough to understand that that explanation is pure bullshit, just words. Don't worry or question it. Ignore it; just let it happen without being disturbed.

"I don't know what any of this means and have been avoiding any guidance, so I can just be with it and not try to figure it out."

You were correct. Do not try to figure it out. Just be with it.

"Since reading your site I felt it was time to ask about this. I have been at the "Who/What am I?" for 12 years and have had many awakenings including "I AM." Still caught out in the mind self but have the choice to be in the "I amness" or bliss."

"Can you say where I am at, what this all sounds like to you?"

Where you are is fine. You are doing well. Just observe, but not too passionately or with too much focus. That would just trap you more into the phenomena, not the final release.

I repeat, you are doing well.

Following the 'I'

A reader wrote:

I can rather easily get the feeling of I AM which I primarily sense in my upper chest and throat a little. The quickest way I can get to it is to follow a pleasant thought to it's source although I think I just realized a day or so ago that it works almost as well with unpleasant thoughts or fears. Anyhow, once there I can clearly sense the witness and have been working on watching the witness. It's a little tricky switching over from thinking to being and I am wondering if you have more input there. BUT mainly my question is this. The feeling of I AM feels very nice and when I "turn away" to watch the watcher I loose a lot of that nice feeling but I presume that's what I want to do?

S.

Exactly S!

However, following the false self eventually results in the real self making an appearance automatically without deliberate effort. So I suggest you continue to follow the pleasant feeling self until that burns out by itself. But you know the truth and where you are going, so don't worry about the distraction.

You can also look at someone or something and feel your emotional and tidal pull of this object, person or thing, and pay as much attention to your internal body reaction so you see/feel both at the same time.

They are not different. You will see that.

This is continuing in the feel-good way of being aware of the self as in the thorax, even though you know this is an illusion.

You have been asking solid questions regarding practice.

By the way, when you do go free, don't get stuck in that freedom as do so many and identify only with freedom.

You must always keep the welfare of others in mind and think how to teach them even when you know teaching is a lie from your newly obtained view, and "them" do not exist.

My old Zen teacher, Seung Sahn always ragged on this. When people go free, they often just rest in their sense of freedom, and become, as Robert warned, "cold fish." Then they do nothing or they become cold fish teachers with no warmth or "charisma" to carry others across.

This is not the end of your practice. You need to go beyond this. Even Ramana had difficulty with this until a second death experience in 1912.

This is important. Remember this.

Ed

The Robert Adams Infinity Institute

This blog has been inactive for a while.

Infinity (1.e., Robertadamsinfinityinstitute.org) threatened to sue my former webhost for hosting the website, www.itisnotreal.com.

The Institute is a creation of Robert's wife, Nicole Adams. Nicole has turned Robert's written words, his Satsang recordings, and even all photographs of him, even those taken by me, into her family business and claims everything about Robert is hers to copyright.

The itisnotreal.com site was down for a bit. It is back up again with a new webhost. The complete story of Nicole's sordid antics can be found upon opening the site.

Nicole Adams, her sidekick Blake Warner, under the banner of the Infinity Institute want to rob the general public of access to the world teacher, Robert Adams. While it is up, the itisnotreal site gives you that access for free.

For her, it is a business only. She has set herself up to be a guru. My posting of the talks I transcribed and handed out to Satsang and turned into volumes I and II of Silence of the Heart may be hers or not, but only a court of law can determine that.

Silence of the Heart is a WONDERFUL book. Buy it, but not from Infinity.

What they offer, outside of Silence of the Heart is not Robert, but a form that they understand, which apparently is a form of Christianity.

This kind of nonsense has occurred with every famous dead spiritual teacher, including Rajnessh, Krishnamurti and even Nisargadatta. I hope this stops it with Robert's words.

Re my problems with Infinity. From Alan:

Dear Ed, thank you for presenting Robert's teachings as direct from his own mouth as is possible. It is clear that you are a true student and direct representitive of Robert and his teachings. It is important for the world to have such a source.

It is sad to see individuals try to own and sell truth that is originally offered directly from the source and not meant for profit or copyright. It so often becomes clear that such actions invariably lead to a false presentation of the original. May Robert's work shine unhindered through all of the unfortunate discord and greed.

I for one value your presentation of your dear teacher, Robert, and his direct and immeasurably valuable teachings. In Truth,

Alan

Thank you Alan. I urge all of you contact Infinity and let them know what there actions speak about them. Maybe they will leave me alone or ask me to work cooperatively with them as I have offered to do so many times in the past. Though I do not know the purported 30 year students, I do know Nicole and have been continuously shocked by her actions.
Ed

THE COLLECTED WORKS OF ROBERT ADAMS

VOLUME I

Edited by Edward Muzika
...

There are at least 250 recorded talks by Robert and about 114 transripts that I am aware of.

The Complete Volume I is almost 1,000 pages long in printed format. I will post here about half those transcripts.

Eventually, a second set of 100 will be published as volume II, and volume III will consist of all the rest plus any others that are sent to me.

In addition, I have a few hundred pages of newsletter articles published before he came to Los Angeles under the nom de plum, M. T. Mind. (Robert had a strange sense of humor.)

Robert was not exactly a disciple in the traditional sense of Ramana Maharshi. He was awakened at age 14 and went to India five years later. But it was from Ramana that he finally understood the nature of his awakening.

Robert was the most unusual man I ever met. He was not of this world. He left no trace. He was unknown and unknowable. He shunned public attention and therefore was little known when he was alive.

He didn’t want many students. He said he wanted ten who would teach after him. Because he was ill and could not work, his shunning public recognition left him in relative poverty. He said he couldn’t care less, and if it were not for his wife and daughters, he would not do anything.

He’d sit for hours at a time looking out his window at Capitol Butte in Sedona, not moving his eyes or blinking. He was always, as he told me, in Sahaja Samadhi.

Most around him had only the dimmest awareness of his state of being, Turiya, the Fourth State of eternal rest in Self wherein nothing existed as objects away from him. The external world did not exist. Others did not exist for him as something apart, objective. All was Self alone.

He taught only two ways to awaken from the dreaming (imagination, thinking, imagining process, Maya) unreality—self-inquiry, wherein the sense of I, the sense of existence, the sense of being alive was followed inward, down through the false I tied to the body and human existence, to the Great I of the absolute, unmoving Self.

All of his talks attend to these two matters: the world is not real, so leave it alone; your true Self has nothing to do with your body or humanity, and the experience of the root Self is attained by self-inquiry or by complete surrender to the guru.

When you read Robert’s talks, it is best to read very slowly and let the words wash through you and trickle down to the lowest level of your being. Do not be in a hurry. Approach Silence in silence. The Self is subtle, so you must become subtle, quiet, watching so that it can take you away, entirely away to the other shore beyond life and death.

Ed Muzika