This blog is the principal support of the http://wearesentience.com website and its many free downloads, this teaching blog itself, the free Sunday online Satsangs at 2PM California time, as well as Ed's work maintaining feral cat colonies and home placements. If you have found these posts to be of value, please support these teachings and animal work with a donation. Thank you!
First I would like
to apologize. You surely don't remember, but we had a brief email conversation
a couple of months ago. Back then I did not fully understand what you were
saying and also had some personal emotional problems which I obviously had to
solve. I hope you don't feel angry because I went away just like that.
Anyway, I have a
question which I cannot resolve by myself. In last half a year I went through a
process of observing "whatever is going on". No philosophy, no
method, no reading books, nothing. I just observed and somehow tried to
separate truth from not truth. Tried to find out what is real and what is not.
What I discovered
is that everything, and I really mean EVERYTHING, is not-truth. I see all
experience, being mental or physical, has no actual meaning. It means nothing
beside being what it is. Beside it's temporal appearance nothing actually
exists. The problem that I have is that now I'm completely lost. I simply know
that all my thoughts, everything I'm thinking and believing, everything I
"know", is simply not true. I don't know anything. And even this
knowing (that I don't know anything) is false in essence. It's just temporal
belief, which fades when I forget it.
Plain and simple,
I'm totally lost, not certain of anything. I live my days in a constant cycle
of observing how different thoughts try to make their way through and then
dropping off in realization that they don't mean antyhing real. And then I
think something like: "I must put an end to this mess". And then this
thought drops off. I simply cannot get a hold of anything. And it's all
accompanied by cyclic feelings of tension and then release. It's like everytime
I grab something I feel like I got it and then it dissolves and I experience a
confussion again. And then again.
I JUST DON'T HAVE
ANY IDEA ON EARTH WHAT TO DO!
And even this not
knowing what to do is already dissolving.
Do you maybe have
any word for me at all? I know it won't do anything for me, that's it nothing
really, but... Anything??
perfect! You know nothing. All truth has no reality, and even that
truth is unreal. Words, concepts
are an entirely different dimension from what is. Words talk about what is, but words really do
not capture experience. In other words,
you have now gone deeper than the mind and you are lost in phenomena. This is perfect. Now you can learn to function using senses deeper
than mind, such as operating from the heart.
have attained the realization of emptiness.
next step, look for the sense of I Am, the sense that you exist. That is both the I that is the subject, but
also the I sense that is the phenomenal sense of Self. Some teachers call the realization of
emptiness, the Void, as realization of the Unborn Self, pure awareness that
permeates all objects.
you have to change how you search now. Instead of observing the I Am,
discover it by feeling it. Go from observing to feeling inside your
heart. At first feel the physical, like the movement of the diaphram when
breathing. Then feel your heart. Then feel emotions. Then
feel the Self. You do it by feeling whatever arises, then loving whatever
arises. This gradually adds to
your complete sense of Self.
to sacred music feel the music inside of you generating bliss.
The key is to stop observing and start feeling inside. Soon you will be filled with a sense of presence, like and energy body that fills all the emptiness and your physical body. Within that Energy body (Subtle Body) you will find your Self, existence, knowledge, bliss.
In principle, Saturday's vote to keep the government open should be the perfect curtain-raiser for the political debates between now and the 2016 election. As their price for averting a government shutdown, Republicans demanded and got a gutting of one of the most important provisions of the Dodd-Frank Act, preventing banks from speculating with government insured money.
Agencies hated by Republicans such as the Environmental Protection Agency took big cuts, and a rider was inserted permitting "mountaintop removal" coal mining once again. Another extraneous provision demanded by conservatives permits massive increase in individual campaign contributions.
The IRS enforcement budget lost $345.6 million. This will only increase public deficits, since most IRS enforcement is directed at upper-bracket tax cheats. The IRS collects about seven dollars for every dollar it spends on audits.
The bill also cuts Pell grants for lower income college students, diverting money to the for-profit companies that function as collection agencies for student loans. And it allows companies to cut pensions for current retirees, even those that are contractually guaranteed.
This deal was cut by the outgoing Congress, in which Democrats still controlled the Senate. Far worse will be directed at ordinary working families when the new Congress meets in January.
So a terrific debate is set in motion for the next two years, smoking out which side the Republicans are really on. Right?
If only. For in the great budget sellout of December 2014, fully 57 House Democrats voted with the Republicans to narrowly pass this deal. Key Senate Democrats close to Wall Street, such as Chuck Schumer of New York, were its enablers.
In the end game, President Obama, continuing his signature fighting style, blinked first. He evidently feared that another government shutdown would be blamed more on him than on the Republicans; or that even worse would be in store after January. The Republicans, once again, played chicken and prevailed.
So we were treated to a spectacle of the Democrats being split several ways, both on ideology and on tactics. House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi, a progressive, after sending mixed signals earlier in the week, decided that the bill had to be opposed. But President Obama, his chief of staff Denis McDonough, along with Pelosi's more conservative second-in-command, Democratic Whip Steny Hoyer, actively lobbied Democrats to back the deal. So in the end the 57 House Democrats, about one-third of the Caucus, joined 162 Republicans to narrowly pass the budget.
Meanwhile, over on the Senate side, the Democrats split as well. Only six Democratic progressives led by Elizabeth Warren voted against cloture. Then, once the bill was assured of passing, several Wall Street-friendly Democrats from relatively liberal states cast a crocodile-tears record vote against, such as Kirsten Gillibrand of New York and Cory Booker of New Jersey.
So, while the Democratic Party should be carrying the banner of working families, making it clear that the rules are rigged against regular people and that Republicans are the riggers-in-chief, the reality is far more blurred. The Democrats not only lost this vote on issues they allegedly care about; they lost their role as a credible opposition.
As George Orwell wrote in the famous ending of Animal Farm,"The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which."
Well, there is this comfort: At least the Democrats' likely nominee in 2016 stands four square with ordinary Americans against Wall Street... Uh, whoops. The greater likelihood, of course, is that the Clinton-Obama-Rubin dynasty will continue with another Clinton, and the blur will continue.
Meanwhile, the drumbeat urging Elizabeth Warren to run for president only grows louder.
I am often asked if I'd support a third party. I always respond that I'd be thrilled with a second party.
Elizabeth Warren Probably is the Last Great Chance to Save America from Total Corporate/government Rule. Listen to her rail at Citigroup and the big banks that caused the 2008 ecpnomic collapse followed by Obama's embrace of Wall Street which has solidified Wall Street's power:
Obama had the once in a Century opportunity to cut off Wall Street at their knees, but decided to enhance his own post-presidency power-broker status and settled for healthcare reform, laudible yes, but saving democracy was far more important. Instead he got in bed with Wall Street and the banks. Wall Street is doing everything possible to destroy good healthcare by making it all about money as opposed to patient-centered care.
Thank you for taking time on Sat and Sun. to help me. I go back and reread each of your emails daily and read them several times very slowly. There is fog that comes over my mind when I read them.
You're hitting very close to some deep fear in me, so I have trouble remembering even simple things you say.
But, some things are clear to me. Let go of all thinking....good, bad, frightening, hating, ecstatic. ... let it come and go or ignore it totally, cut off if necessary. With so little outward life, I need very little functional thinking anyway.
And I'm back doing silent sitting several times a day.
Feels really good to sit up strong and straight.
I'm very aware of the empty container of the trunk of my body. From my pelvis up through the hara through the heart to my throat is lighted emptiness that feels full of existence. Within that space I sense my heart center and my hara as having density of presence.
My heart and belly feel closely connected and yet separate centers, too. My sense of Self feels located in both. Your term 'center of gravity' feels right in my hara. And the hara feels like a splaying out point within the emptiness of my abdomen.
My heart visually looks connected to my hara by two lines of energy circling like a figure eight between the the two centers. This has been my experience for 6 weeks or so, as Shakti seemed to open those energy centers during Satsang in early Nov. during energy circulation. I feel the connection all the time, except when the dissociation or depression come on.
Right now, my sense of Self is as presence within my whole core. Not really located so much as pervasive.
I feel my attention actively being drawn down into my core, so that my head feels kind of hollow. Hahaha Not a bad feeling at all.
Though I don't like the fogginess surrounding my attempts to grasp what you're saying to me.
It's so unbelievable how different today is from last Friday when I was sunk in misery thinking and lethargy.
I don't think I'm going to fall into believing that obsessive thinking loop the same way again.
I may feel pulled into again, but I now know I don't have to believe in it or keep it going in order to survive.
The 'I' that needs to suffer to live isn't me. I'm not that hurting little girl who obsessively talked to herself. Though I still have the feelings, I can accept them and love them the next time they appear.
Thank you again for giving me your time and attention and teaching even while your so busy moving. I don't take it for granted.
I send energy your way everyday, and see you and
Kerima finding a beautiful place to live.
I love you with all my heart, Remedial Rock Head
You are doing very well now. The point will be to stabilize where you are over a long period of time, consolidate it, then go deeper, Your Subtle Body is now accessible and transparent, and you can see the inner energy patterns. It is from your Hara that the Self can come now that you are both visually aware and feelingly aware within. This doubles the impact of inner events and visions.
When Robert talks about the entirety of the teachings is found within Silence, he does not mean external silence or even internal calmness. As he says many times he means you go deep within, so deep you lose awareness of anything, sometimes even of awareness itself. It is like being asleep yet the body is fully awake; only the mind sleeps leaving no-self and no-world. This is Samadhi. The Nath tradition connotes this experience as being submerged in the Causal Body.
Even though it is quite "silent," in fact it takes a lot of "energy" to get there. The more perfectly you sit, the easier it is to enter this silent state. For example, in a Zen monastery you sit cross-legged in Lotus, and almost naturally your "center of gravity" of awareness descends into your heart and Hara, revealing the Void.
The feeling is quite different from merely falling asleep, because when you fall asleep, you can feel the body also going asleep. But when you go consciously into sleep, the body remains perfectly awake, so for a few minutes before going silent, you feel the body as very powerfully awake, solid, rooted into the ground, then it fades away from your awareness.
Then you are only aware, but only aware of awareness. Then total nothingness but afterwards a memory of being nothingness.
When Robert talks about the entirety of the teachings is found within Silence, he does not mean external silence or even internal calmness. As he says many times he means you go deep within, so deep you lose awareness of anything, sometimes even of awareness itself. It is like being asleep yet the body is fully awake; only the mind sleeps leaving no-self and no-world. This is Samadhi. The Nath tradition connotes this experience as being submerged in the Causal Body. Even though it is quite "silent," in fact it takes a lot of "energy" to get there. The more perfectly you sit, the easier it is to enter this silent state. The feeling is quite different from merely falling asleep, because when you fall asleep, you can feel the body also going asleep. But when you go to consciousnessly into sleep, the body remains perfectly awake, so for a few mites before going silent, you feel the body as very powerfully awake, solid, rooted into the ground, then it fades away from your awareness.
Online, live Satsang Sunday at 2 PM California time. Go to http://satsangwithedji.weebly.com. Sign in on two different screens with the password: edji Then go to the Start Broadcasting button to come online with video and microphone, but please mute mike.
I am embarking on a new adventure of moving to Arizona to start over, to have live Satsang there, and perhaps an ashram after a while.
In the meantime, I am asking you to continue to help support my work with our Sangha with weekly online Satsangs, the teaching blog, email personal support, live Skype sessions, etc., as well as my animal rescue work.
Donations have dropped off so much that I am no longer able to help other feral colony managers with financial support, food, and medications. The donations are just not coming in. If they drop off any more I will finally realize that the totally free approach of free Satsangs/website/blog/email/free downloads just does not work and will concentrate totally on developing a local Sangha in Arizona.
But I have found someone to continue taking care of the cat colonies I have been feeding and caring for after moving to Arizona and this will require money.
I have no idea why donations have dropped as much as they have during the last two years, but perhaps it is because my message is wrong for this place and time. Who knows.
If this work is to continue, I need to know there are people I can count on to support the Sangha. Without this, there will be no ashram and no future continuance of Live Satsangs on Sunday.
I had hoped to begin writing new books to help you find your own Self realizations, but this requires time and a publisher, even if self-published. What I really need is a media person for promoting such.
In the meantime, please donate what you can to support the Sangha.
If you want, you can mail a donation if you don't want to use Paypal below. Send me an email to that effect. I need your help to continue to help you.... Thanks you so much. email: satsang(dot)online(at)gmail.com.
STRAIGHT TALK ABOUT ROBERT ADAMS, HIS TEACHINGS, AND INFINITY INSTITUTE Those who know me know that I have been no friend of the Infinity Institute's ham-fisted hounding of any and all (especially me) and legal harassment of anyone who posted anything about Robert Adams, from old transcripts, to original photos. Infinity is the Adams family private business. It has no spiritual authority at all and inflates its copyright claims. The only true copyright they have is for the book Silence of the Heart. It is only long after I began posting transcripts online, and several sources contributed over 260 transcripts, that the complete works of Robert Adams were available online at various sites. Many, many coeditors turned the audio tapes into transcripts. When Robert was still alive, the number was about 140 were separately available. Beginning in 2006 a number of transcribers worked with me and expanded the number available to about 260. INFINITY HAD ABSOLUTELY NO INVOLVEMENT IN ANY OF THESE TRANSCRIPTIONS FROM THE ORIGINAL CASSETTE RECORDINGS that I, AND OTHERS, HAD OF ROBERT’S TALKS. I and others put together the Collected Works of Robert Adams, and the collection expanded as new cassette tapes were found and transcribed. By 2010 the collection was complete and were published online by various current followers of Robert. I had no hand in maintaining those sites or supplying the materials to them. They were freely accessible from many sources for years, such as from robert-adams.info and many others until they were repressed by legal threats. It is during this period of time that Infinity downloaded the Collected Works of Robert Adams apparently from the robert-adams.info website, and then submitted a copyright claim to the Library of Congress of works they had nothing to do with creating. I should mention that Kerima and I transcribed the first 20 of Robert’s talks, and I copyrighted those talks under the name of a publishing company that Robert and I were thinking of forming to be his written expression. I gave Robert $7,000 at that time for permission to do this, and to help him and Nicole out financially. He later changed his mind and wanted to leave the transcripts to Nicole's keeping. This link to a recording of a phone message left by Nicole Adams in 1995 expresses her gratitude to me for being able to capture the essence of Robert Adams in a short article I wrote about him entitled Guru’s Grace, about my experiences with Robert: http://www.wearesentience.com/nicole-adams-message-of-thanks.html. Beginning in 2005 or 2006 Infinity and Nicole Adams began stalking me with lawyer threats of lawsuit should I have anything by Robert, including his photos, on any of my websites or blogs. I had no money to fight any lawsuit, so I just complied as have so many also pursued by Infinity, including many of his close followers, many of whom claimed awakening at Robert’s side. In 1990 I asked Robert whether Nicole comprehended Robert’s teachings, to which he replied, “She doesn’t have a clue.” Ditto the staff of the Infinity Institute. None of these people are mentioned in the acknowledgement sections of the original Silence of the Heart, or other smaller publications as having been present at Satsangs during the early 1990s, nor mentioned as having transcribed talks, or written introductions for these books, as I did, and as was mentioned in those acknowledgement sections. I have all of them if anyone needs proof as well as my copyright of many of the original transcripts. If they were truly 30 year students as claimed, you would think they would have come to Robert's Satsangs in Los Angeles or Sedona. They did not. They are not thirty year students. Robert's teachings are now a family business, nothing more or less. HOWEVER, THE TIME HAS COME TO STOP FIGHTING INFINITY. IT WAS ROBERT’S WISH THAT NICOLE CONTROL HIS TEACHING MATERIAL AFTER HIS DEATH. IT WAS HIS WISH TO GIVE NICOLE AND HIS DAUGHTERS A SOURCE OF INCOME FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. Robert kept copies of all the transcripts (maybe 140 by the time he died), copies of the books I edited or wrote introductions for, and told Nicole this was the legacy he was leaving to his family. Of course, the stuff Infinity turns out has absolutely no resemblance to what Robert Adams was in life and spirit in any way. It is a Christianized bastardization that adds prayers and new age music to small parts of his actual talks. One can never find Robert or gain his experience through Infinities materials. Robert absolutely knew this would happen and that Nicole and others associated with his works through Nicole, would have not the slightest grasp of what he was teaching. BUT THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED. IT IS AS IF HE WANTED HIS WRITTEN AND ORAL TEACHINGS TO DEAD END AS THEY HAVE IN THE INFINITY FAMILY BUSINESS. SO BE IT! You see, you can never gain Robert’s state through his words. He thought little of his own words. Many times he said they were just entertainment to keep people coming. One gained awakening with Robert, not through his teachings, but through his presence. One felt his purifying presence permeate them during Satsang, the cool energy, the warm energy, his silence, his famous thousand yard stare, and piercing look into your heart that you felt when he really looked deep into your eyes. One also found oneself more easily because he would point out to students how they had a wrong opinion of what he or Ramana was teaching. You can read the transcripts and see how he frequently corrected people as to their incorrect understanding. You see, he answered questions where people were at, and may answer the same question differently asked by different students even a week apart. Thus Robert's teaching seen from the outside all at once are inconsistent; they are only consistent within the context of that questioner and the mind set of the entire body of the Sangha that day. Thus if you try to grasp Robert through his dead words, you will fail to grasp his heart. Finally, some of the student he let get close to him, he added a bit of cooking: he placed them is life situations that brought up emotions that made them look at themselves and what they were doing. No dead words could convey Robert's real teachings of his presence, his correcting misunderstandings on the spot, and his cooking of your ego.
Let go of seeking more of Robert’s teachings. They will become harder and harder to find as Infinity cracks down with its new lawyer. What is available through Infinity is lifeless and drab, and totally misses the point of his teachings. Instead, imbibe in his method and Ramana’s method of abiding in the ‘I’, follow it to its source, and find the true I, which s God, and which is you.|
If you missed Robert in life, you missed him. You have to find your own way now. To hold onto even his teachings in accurate transcripts let alone Infinity's is just to hold onto your mind's new teachings, and the Self cannot be reached through the mind. It is far, far deeper. Robert taught many methods, but it was because he found students needed many approaches, and that the abiding in the ‘I’ or the ‘I Am’ was just out of the reach of many people. His lifeless asking "Who am I?" followed by waiting in emptiness for a response, was meant only for a small group of people not emotionally open at all, and who needed to defensively stay in their minds and in emptiness until circumstances opened them up. Robert lives on both as a spiritual presence that can be called upon, but also in the still living presence of many of his students. Reading Robert’s teachings without his living presence has led many people to a false and almost Messianic devotions to promoting a misunderstanding of him based on other books they have read, turning Robert into a neo-Advaitin, a Christian, or many other path of teachers. There was only one Robert. As he said he had his own message that was different from many other Ramana-student-teachers, such as Lakshman, and Poonja. Robert’s written writing really miss his essence. His message is being killed by Infinity, but Robert knew that would happen, but it was his will that his teachings be used to support his family. Real students, those who only want to find and live in their own experience of Self need to find living teachers of Self, because practicing alone, and just reading texts of dead gurus will never lead you to your own Self, but to their’s, which is their experience of Self as put into dead words, that become more dead over time. Only a living teacher can correct your errors in concepts and methods, which are impossible to correct on your own because your mind filters all teachings that come to you externally. I guarantee you will never awaken until you give up all teachings, become dumb as a rock, and look within for your sense of I, and dwell there with loving acceptance of all that arises through resting in the Self, including all the traumas of your past, fears, depressions, etc., before you find the joy of Self-Realization. AND, you need to commit to a teacher or a friend, or a lover, or a cat, love that entity, surrender your life to it, and thereby find your soul, the Self, which is God, the Atman within you. My understanding of Robert that Nicole agreed with according to her phone message above: http://www.wearesentience.com/uploads/7/2/9/3/7293936/yoga_journal_article_robert.pdf
Kerima lost her job due
to downsizing in mid-September. She
applied to 30 places in the LA area for a similar position with no luck. In
late September, early November, our cat Charley died after a terrible 4 month illness,
and we went to Arizona, the Land Of Retirement Communities. On the first day
of active looking, she was offered a job as Director of .....
Beginning 2-1/2 weeks ago we began packing 11-1/2 years worth of material
accumulation and planning for move. Last week Kerima moved to my mother’s house in
Arizona to find a house near where she will work. I continued packing, taking care of our many
cats, especially Loki who had terminal end-stage kidney failure, required
medication and SQ fluids 4 X week, and feeding 26 ferals, as well as getting
moving quotes with movers coming to do estimates.
My car broke down on Saturday, and I got a rental. Four hours after getting the
rental, a woman drove into my stopped car in a parking lot.
On Sunday, after Satsang,
I found Loki dead in her cage. We had to
put her in a cage (large dog 28” X 26 “ X 48”) because she kept disappearing
into the rafters of our garage. She just
wanted to be left alone. By putting her in
a cage by a heater, we were able to give her meds, pain meds, and fluids and keep her more comfortable.
Likely she died during Satsang of just before.
Kerima still has not found a house, and the movers want to know a moving date.
Enterprise has just double to rental fee on a van we planned on using to move
the cats separate from the household.
DESPITE ALL THIS, I FEEL THE SELF IN AND AROUND ME; LIGHT AND
SENTIENCE, WITH THE EPICENTER WITHIN BOTH MY ENERGY BODY AND MY PHYSICAL BODY. IT IS LOCATED EVEN DEEPER BUT PERMEATES MY OTHER BODIES. HARD TO EXPLAIN.
It is almost like a deep lake of cool bluish-white light, energy, awareness, and love of Self all rolled into one are within me and is me.
One could use no other words than the divine, God.
I am Life! I am awareness of my Self within and
around. I have an associated physical
body and a personality. I am permeated
by both Emptiness and light. Right now
the bliss is tempered by my physical exhaustion dealing with all these worldly
matters, but it still feels like tamped down bliss in that I am blocked from
feeling my own bliss by physical tiredness and the tension effect of stress on
my body. I know the bliss is there, but
it does not matter because I still have the light, the Self, and I am still
alive to enjoy it and pass it on to you.
God is in me and I am in God.
But I can understand
Christ in great physical pain and exhaustion that for a time he could only identify with his body, and he cried out, “My father, why hast thou forsaken
me?” It is like feeling the pleasure of an orgasm, but your hand is held over a roaring fire. Soon the pain in the hand becomes everything and the orgasm disappears. (I use the term "orgasm" because that is how often the bliss is perceived initially, similar to an orgasm.)
I think just the sheer brutality of his crucifixion blocked his previous experience of unity with his God. At least for me, my current exhaustion and stress surely competes for my attention with my constant focus on Self.
Michael arrived a few hours ago, and said, "Relax, I am here now!" How very timely.
I am not a Christian in the sense of joining a church or spending much time reading the New Testament, but I now understand Christ in a way I could not before because of my opening to the God within. He breathed life into me, and I am His vessel.
I could not feel Christ because I was steeped in traditions that denied Self in any dualistic way, or which emphasized Emptiness, the Void, the Light of Consciousness, Presence, Kundalini, etc., all more or less impersonal observations from a Witness standpoint.
My concepts kept me from realizing my Self because I did not know where to look for Self. I had been looking for the 'I Am''s source, and thought it was found in that inner space illumined by the Third Eye, the Light of Consciousness.
But Self isnot found by "looking" within, but by feeling within. Finding the Self requires sensitivity to feelings, both the internal feeling of your body, but of your energy body, emotions, sadness, grief, joy, happiness and bliss. Everything inside has to be brought into the heart-sense, into the I Am which centers it and makes it stronger.
This Self is none other than Christ within, a growing presence resulting from loving and surrender to all that arises within yourself while exploring feelingly within, and the language used to describe this experience is so very different from Buddhism, Vedanta, Zen, and the Taoist traditions I came from.
As my own sense of Self grew in me, I had no words to express it, for the experience is the most personal possible, that subtle and vulnerable feeling of I. But with the passage of time it has become the most powerful sense of Self, of Self-ownership in communion with the God who made me come alive.
I think the story of my re-incarnation into humanity and the flesh required a letting go of the language and concepts of Zen, Buddhism, and Advaita which were locked into a denial of a personal sense of separate self, and a denial of the reality of the experiential world. For them, only the unchanging Void, or the Unchanging Witness somewhere beyond the Void, were real.
Emotions, even love, desires, activities were to be watched and not identified with, nor were they to be denied. Only watched. One time Sasaki Roshi, a great Zen Master told me there was no love in Zen.
Now, again it is a matter of language shaping experience. Christ had to talk the way hid did with externalized similes and metaphors because his audience lacked introspective skills. He talked in parables that you had to interpret correctly to find the Self or Find God.
The only way they really could understand Jesus was not through his words, but by being with him, knowing him directly, feeling his presence within themselves. So you find Christ within through feeling his presence within.
His words are mostly distraction and entertainment, keeping the crowds coming with the Law, his parables, his speaking as to his own ability to deliver salvation to those who follow him, while his Presence entered and worked miracles on his Disciples, 12 of whom became Apostles.
I obtained my first awakening through six years with Robert Adams, imbibing his spirit, not his teachings. He told everyone those were for entertainment only. He said that over and over. His truth lay in a silent mind, emptiness, peace, and identity with Consciousness. he said that was his message, which was different from many other teachers even of Advaita.
But, my awakening to the Life that Jesus speaks of was because of my love for a person which ignited my heart, and exploded my sense of presence, my energy body, and my I Am, which after being attended to for a short while revealed that Self within me which is the Life, the Truth, and the Way.
Since that explosion, everything has turned upside down. The eastern ways are of transcendence of the flesh and experience. Chist's way and my way are running towards and embracing our bodies, our vulnerabilities, our mortality, and therein finding the Self.
It is quite clear to me
now why our Sangha has remained small. I
have been trying to sell inner investigation of suffering, grief, and
heartbreak, as a way to Self-Realization to neo-Advaitins, Classical Advaitins,
and Buddhists, all of whom shun suffering like a plague.
Indeed Robert said you still
experience vestiges of suffering, but the sting is no longer there. Buddhists seek Nirvana, the burning out of
desires and the Self to reach the other shore beyond humanity. They vow to save all sentient beings from
suffering and distress.
Neo-Advaitins can find no
separate Self that could suffer. Francis Lucille cannot find a self to suffer,
ditto all the other Facebook teachers.
Masaro shows that the Witness merely watches the world (and the body/mind/heart’s
However, Christians, Sufi, and
psychologists understand Self as spirit or an inner sense of me, and they
understand that suffering is pervasive.
For the Christians, and especially for the Sufi, suffering can be a way
to the Beloved, the Self within, experienced as joining or merging with Christ,
the Beloved, or God.
Just my use of the word “Self” was
anathema to the body of people I was talking to, trying to take them back into
existence, emotions, human vulnerability and love, while they were still
running from Self, suffering, depression, and grief, not knowing that the
bounty they seek lay under the surface of suffering and distress, not by ending
desires and the Self through meditation and dissociation, but by piercing that
layer of suffering that lies over the self, and protects it from casual
Passion, energy, persistence,
and a divine calling—grace—is needed to find that Pearl of Great Price within,
the Kingdom of God, the Self.
The Self is like the Kingdom of Heaven, a great treasure buried in a field. He who finds it does everything to not let it out of his sight. He will fixate on it, never wavering, for the vision is glorious beyond measure. Jesus referred to him as a man who sells everything he has to buy the field wherein the treasure lies. But it really lies within you, and, in a large way requires the Passion of the Christ to find it within the inner Emptiness, sorrow, and grief that protects it from casual view. When that treasure is found as your own Self, and that Christ is in you, you will cry for joy and the bliss of Self, of knowing God is always in your heart.
If your spiritual search does not focus on Self-discovery, Self-Realization, your search will never end, or will end in a dull culdesac of being only an observer. Zen and Neo-Advaita, Emptiness and empty mind, can only take you to the Void, to clear and lighted inner and outer spaces, the containers of all inner and outer experiences, which will result in peace and an uncluttered mind, but your life will slowly be snuffed out by lack of love for objects (including others), a dry witnessing of emotions, and a disappearance of your identification with your humanity, with your body, emotions, and love. Life will lose both its bite, but also its juice. Ditto Jnana Yoga which will leave in as That which lies beyond Consciousness, witnessing Consciousness. This is even further removed from Life than is Zen's Void and empty mind, which themselves are still observed phenomena, observed by 'That' standing at the source. If you follow the way of power, Kundalini, Raja Yoga, Kashmir Shaivism, or and many similar paths, you follow energy, bliss, and control which will lead you down a path of no rest, just more and more energies, powers, and bliss. It is not balanced and the Self is difficult to discover among all the masculine doing and effort. I am afraid that even though many Kundalini and Shaivite gurus talk about Self, it is quite unclear what they mean by Self, and they may mean either Shiva, the watcher, of Shakti, the Power that knows the way as Robert put it, or the Life Force. Neither are the Self of which I speak, which uniquely belongs to sentience itself as its essence. My own teacher, Robert Adams talked of the Self, but by Self he meant remaining as the witness of Consciousness, and sometimes that Witness was taken as being separate from Consciousness, and sometimes he meant it as being part of the totality of Consciousness. But all of these Eastern-Oriented paths seem to miss the point of real Self-Realization, looking within with loving acceptance of all that arises through introspection, thereby gaining a clear seeing and feeling of that which I call Self: the divine source within, Sentience itself, knowingness itself, and the Life divine! By Life I mean the sense that you know you exist, are a discrete and separate entity that is human, possessing a body, and also an energy body, a sense of presence as an energy being, with a layer of human emotions all who have bodies should feel from joy, happiness, excitement, to depression, grief, loss and fear. And behind this entire wholeness lies the divine--that which is greater, that which is the source and essence of sentience. How the Self is experienced and how one gets there is the whole story of Self-Realization. The Self cannot really be described in normal European languages. The Self can only be hinted at. My hints are that it has an inner physical light in one's subjective awareness of one's inner space, and that light is associated with an inner awareness of itself. Self is aware of itself reflexively. Once it is aware of itself, it cannot look aware because it finds itself the greatest fascination. This Self is initially found in weakness--in emotional vulnerability which is often shunned as weakness, thus I use that term deliberately to get us past that term of degradation by feeling your reaction to that term, because a negative reaction is built into so many of us. Besides light, weakness, vulnerability, the Self has a form that is ever changing in appearance and outline. It is like an inner brook of cool energy tumbling over a waterfall of delicious nurturance inside. It cools the soul, gives peace, and its lights one's heart-sense with Love and Life. With the finding of Self comes a roaring from within: I Am Alive! I Am Self! Imagine looking within one's own innerness, with the Third eye of introspection serenely looking within. Deep within, like looking down from just a meter under water, one sees far deeper aa brilliant white light, at first like a ball, which arises within your inner emptiness, grows a thousandfold when it nears your heart, and then explodes with an overwhelming feeling of happiness, joy, and bliss, and the absolutely certain knowing that you are alive and you are this wonderous lighted power-source within yourself. Usually this experience of the appearance of Self as light, power, presence, and bliss, is accompanied by the feeling of the descent of grace in you, making you clean, pure, a receptive channel for the divine. After having this experience just once, you begin to know with every fiber of your being who and what you are: A human being in a physical body, accompanied by an energy body, accompanied by an intelligence that has nothing to do with words or concepts, but is a direct intuition into the nature of the world, your self, and God. You and God are one in the sense you are discrete,. but also one within. You are an incarnation of God (or Christ Consciousness) in human flesh, as are all other humans, as are all other animals and sentient beings, from angels to earthworms. All of Sentience is the same across quintillions of life forms covering trillions of planets. God is in all of us, experiencing other sentient beings alive and sensing throughout the universe. And, each week, month, and year that passes after that original Self-experiencing, the Self grows more clear, more powerful, more spontaneous, more vulnerable, and ever more knowing what it is. But this way of direct realization of Self is not open to all. It opens only to those who are emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually open to all experiences that arise from within, and all inner experiences that arise from interactions with the external world. For this reason a foundation in psychological introspection is essential. This is a spirituality that walks hand in hand with person-centered therapy, Self-psychology, and object relations schools of non-analytic introspection to be covered in future writings. This path requires a radical honesty and openness to everything within you. It feels like the Self is pulling at your heart before you have even seen it and felt it, relentlessly drawing "you" towards itself. In a sense you are chosen by Self to seek It and It alone, and not powers, or Emptiness, or Empty Mind, or Kundalini, or Bliss, though all such usually comes during the process of knowing the Self. And, as I discovered early on, you don't become self-realized without teachers or the presence of Self-Realized persons. You discover the Self in them which leads you to discover it within yourself. It is the physical presence of other self-Realized, or nearly realized beings that enables your awakening and flowering. That is called Satsang. Online Satsang is great, but being in the actual physical presence is even more powerful a stimulus for Self-Realization. ----------------------------------------------------- If you have found this passage helpful for your own journey, please donate using the Paypal button. These donations keep this blog alive, the http://wearesentience.com website with all its free downloads, and supports my rescue work with feral cats.
felt so deep tonight, a stillness as you talked.
least from my experience, the energy was strong and centered in my heart and
especially strong in my belly.
group felt that way too, no chatting, nothing extraneous.
sank inward into presence rather than up into ecstasy.
of swirling dancing energy moving in fast colorful swaths, it was solid
expansive energy radiating outward from my core.
teaching feels so fine honed and focused now.
see a few new people coming to Satsang and many
new names commenting on your posts.
may never have lots of students like Chetanananda
does,but you can take a few students
very, very deep into Life ... Love ... Wisdom ... Truth ... Self.
have a particular skill for going deep.
For communicatingto your students how to do that.
descriptions of the inner landscape are so uniquely
specific and nuanced.
take me on an inner journey of ever deepening sensitivity and awakening every
time you teach about the wealth of depths and perspectives and spaces and
energies within us.
feel like an astronaut of inner space.
never loved spiritual practice the way I do now.I've never thirsted so deeply to find my
I've never felt so alive, so human, so loving.
the last few days my sense of I Am has become so pervasive, so rich, so still
that love seems to just be me.
feel like a beacon at times....a lighthouse of love...
course, then I also slide into the volcano inside where I burn and cook and scream and curse.
I'm starting to love that too.
some reason, I feel like you have a Sangha waiting in Az. Satsang with live people instead of all
starting to feel good about going back there, in a new way. I'd love to chant and dance with other
people, create a group energy that attracts others to it.
a group generating love in the desert....
Let's do it.
just have to have this time of inner working here alone for awhile longer. I'm too dysfunctional to move right now and
too inward looking to pull out of it into packing mode.
I can start disposing of books and stuff no longer serving my life now. That might feel good to do as the cold and
snow is now appearing. I feel
hibernation coming on ...a good time to pair things down to basics.
is both rain snow and ice whipping against my
windows tonight, always happens day before Thanksgiving. Year after year the same ....
I wonder if its the spirits of the Native Peoples stirring up rough weather
just to make Thanksgiving a bit tougher to take for granted.
us white folk work harder for our holiday.
played Native American singing and drumming tonight just to say I'm thinking of
The Great Spirit tonight.
apartment feels filled up with spirits ... they don't like ice and snow
either. Ha !
Edji. I love you/me.
(Syndria's reference to "Rock Head" refers to my teaching, and that of her previous
mentor, Seung Sahn, that you have to become completely stupid in order to find
your Self.Give up all knowledge, all
understanding, all concepts, all words, and just look and FEEL within for that
spark of sentience that can be called 'I Am', 'I-Exist', "I see/feel and
experience myself as light, energy, bliss and knowledge."
can all come to Online Satsangs at 2 pm California time, every Sunday. Go to http://satsangwithedji.weebly.com. Enter the room with the password edji
used on two different screens.
Then go to the "Start Broadcasting" button in order to ennable
your own microphone and video feed. ALL
I am not like other teachers. For me you don't have to struggle for years with Koans, or do Kundalini-raising exercises with special Pranayama repetitions along with visualizations for a dozen years, or 30 years to attain Sahaja Samadhi.
All that you have to do is be your Self. But to do that, you have to explore your own subjectivity to find out who you are and what you are.
I am beginning to believe that the natural state of the average sensitive and compassionate human is to be self-realized. We are not Self-Realized because we have been talked out of it, ruled out of it, thrown out of it from a very early age by wrong and object-related thinking.
We become preoccupied with the world rather than with ourselves. I don't mean we need a narcisistic fixation on ourselves, but we need to know who and what we are by always keeping at least one eye looking inside, with complete acceptance and love for what we find.
If we were not screwed over by the notion of giving onto Caesar taxes, loyalty, obedience, in order to feel enough security that we could act out leftover impulses such as for sex, love, a home, car, and things, we would have enough time and energy to know ourselves as we truly are, as spirit, Consciousness, the Void, Emptiness, as energetic presence, as light, bliss, joy, happiness, depression, fear, loss... And mostly, as the result of Self-Development that continues way beyond Freudian, Kleinian, and Object Relational theory, we find and become Self because the false drops aside.
In one instant, everything fits together. We know who and what we are: body, spirit, inner energies, passion, sentience, love, joy, vulnerability, and the Self, who is God.
It happens all at once. We become aware of Self, God, and the World all at once. I think this would be our natural development if we did not have so many voices shouting at us from month one of age telling us what we are, who we are, our names, what we should become, pay taxes, get a job, find a career, make money, save money, etc.
My job as a teacher is to tell you to shut up. Shut the mind up, it is just all those voices still talking to from childhood and teenager.
Become stupid. Don't know anything. And with that, start looking and feeling inside. Re-own your subjectivity anew, with completely open mind and open heart. It is really that simple.
But if you need a technique, and you can trust me, go within and try to find your sense of existence, your sense of self. Most people can't find it. But try to find the sensation of I-ness, of being me. Not the I-thought, but the I-feeling.
If by the age of five you could become aware of that I-feeling, I could almost guarantee that you would be fully awakened as Self by age 16.
But most have to unlearn what you are; tear down the web of concepts that has kept you imprisoned, and learn how to feel yourself, find the I-sensation, watch it, watch your changing inner sense of energies and inner sensations of body, breath, and thought.
SATSANG FAILED ON SUNDAY DUE TO CONNECTION PROBLEMS. WE WILL TRY AGAIN ON WEDNESDAY, 2 PM, NOVEMBER 26.
GO TO: http://satsangwithedji.weebly.com. Sign in when asked (2 different screens) with the password edji. If you can't get in, try a different browser. Chrome often demonstrates problems, Explorer fewer problems. We may talk about Nisargadatta, and we may talk about Neo Advaita. Who knows?