25 March 2015

These comes a time for most on a spiritual path where they have to let go of everything they have read by teachers, whether Ramakrishna, Nisargadatta, Ram Das, Sasaki Roshi, or the various Gita’s and admit to themselves that all of these teachings are at some point, contradictory to the other teachings.  There are no general truths that all traditions agree on, or at not modified even within the same tradition over time.

Any teaching has to be expressed in words, and all of those words are concepts—maps about spiritual experience, not the experience itself.

Up to this point all that you have are other peoples’ teachings or concepts that are part of a larger network of thoughts and generally accepted concepts about what spirituality is about, or enlightenment and self-realization are about, explained usually not in terms of actual experiences, but in terms of other concepts. That is, enlightenment is explained in terms of different kinds of Samadhis, or progressives states of poorly defined stages of emptiness. 

But when you recognize you have only learned and repeated the concepts of others, you are ready to walk your own path with no guarantees of a successful conclusion.
But I’ll give you a hint: your mind can never find the truth, can never find who you are.  It can only talk about what you are, provide a map of You.  But as Alfred Korzybski famously stated, “The map is not the terrain.”  The map is about the terrain, but you cannot walk on the map to get from point A to point B.

So to get to awakening from where you are now, you have to stop reading maps about the terrain of enlightened or non-enlightened mind, point B and point A, and instead look for point A in yourself, because unless you know where you are, you certainly cannot get to point B, supposedly where you are not.  Anything said about point B is just other peoples’ opinions, and is not your experience.

The weird thing is, that staying at point A, abiding there, accepting the experience of point A will eventually get you to point B, which is the experience of the completed and whole Self.  Successfully doing this requires throwing away all maps, all spiritual concepts from Tolle, to Ramana, to Robert Adams, Ram Das, Osho, and Krishnamurti.  I don’t care what they said or which of their quotes are trotted out.  They are speaking about their experience and their maps, not your experience and your maps.

A truly exceptional teacher will try to get you to look within for who you are, that spark of “I exist,” “I am alive,” and to follow that backwards to a pre-verbal experience of existence, existence without thought, dropping progressively lower into your self-experience.

But this process can become very dry and you can become lost in saying goodbye to what you had thought yourself to be as you go deeper and deeper into Self, and lost into the process of sinking itself and become lost in the experience of emptiness.

To offset this tendency, when you go within, you need to go within with feeling, with acceptance of all that arises, with love of all that arises that takes all experience into your heart.  Embrace everything that arises within as you.

Then you will truly realize at some point you are all that exists, and more…  You are also the divine that people seek:  the source of life and the universe.  Discovering God within yourself is a beginning of a whole new movement from within: sentience arising, boiling and burning in love and acceptance.

     For my whole life I have had this dream of being some kind of hero. Last ten years I have devoted everything to make this dream come true. I have been hunting something that could make me strong and powerful so I could be this shining person of my dreams. I ended up practicing western occultism and I became more wise than ever before.

     Then this wisdom helped me to see the truth. My dream was impossible. What I wanted couldn't exist in this reality we live in. It was a child's dream that came from books and comics. It was foolish dream. Yet it was my only dream and goal. And now it's gone. The painful obsession is gone, but so is the meaning in my life.

     It is strange how painful this realization was. But in a way I feel I deserve the pain, because I failed the one thing that mattered. I failed to be special and I became like everyone else. 

     Actually it is worse than that. I never was special and never could be. We are all many things, but still humans in the end. I wanted to be better and stronger than all the others. I wanted to shine brighter than anyone else.

     Now I have realized the truth. It hurts. It so hurts.


     Fundamentally we are all alike; we are all human, vulnerable, etc.

     But, when you discover that basic bottom -most layer of consciousness in yourself, you find endless magic of the divine within you. You discover you are also God--that is special.

     Then your life's mission is to show everyone else that they are God.



     Would this bottom layer be the background of body sensations? The almost liquid stuff that surrounds and in a way fills all sensations that are related to the body? The basic stuff where kinesthetic and tactile sensations appear?


     Yes, the messy part of life, energy, subtle energies, the senses and the scene.

    The being human part is unbelievable. This sentience is God.


     Oh, how it shines! How it so shines!
There is no fear, anxiety, stress, bitterness, sadness, hopelessness or even madness at the moment! All pain and negativity is gone! There is just joy and happiness!

     This is amazing!


     It has been a long, uneven path for you. Even though you have found the Self, God within, the shining one, expect a continuing of the ups and downs. Everything that has been lost in you has to be renowned and brought back into the home of your heart, This takes time and patience.

     In the end you will be surprisingly ordinary, yet happy, and perhaps you will retain the constant happiness and bliss of knowing your Self--the Self each of us has as the gift of life.

22 March 2015

Sunday March 22.


Password is asked for 2 times and is edji.

"Suffering is primarily a call for attention, which itself is a movement of love. More than happiness, love wants growth, the widening and deepening of awareness and consciousness and being. Whatever prevents that becomes a cause of pain, and love does not shirk from pain." Nisargadatta.

18 March 2015


I have always wondered why so many men as well as women are willing to jump on the bandwagon of guru-bashing merely upon accusations of being abused by female students as did Chris Waller in a previous post. The guru is always the abuser; the accusations always true; no need to look deeply into the manner, just shout out loud his guilt.

I just received info from two people who live at the Ashram that paint a very different story, but without posting the actual details of the posts, the haters will just shout I have been duped. Here are the posts made as anonymous as I could make them:

"Your post hit it on the head. These women are not victims, I could write you a book, they were definitely up for it at the time and all were very ambitious and strong people. Like you, I hate the lies and no one deserves to be crucified in this way.

"Despite my differences in opinion with him, he is by far the best teacher I have ever encountered and definitely a Divine and magical being. I'm sticking by him and Devi Ma.

"I look at the attackers and see them all as of the same cloth. I've been contemplating the difference between those of us who have stayed and those who have left. I know in my case, I only wanted to find the self, to be free.

"Everybody who has left wanted "something" - to be successful in the world in whatever their leanings were. I can't help feel they have reverted to who they were before they came and have amnesia when it comes to the incredible gifts Swamiji gave them. I don't feel hatred toward them, just a sense of bewilderment that their minds have flipped so quickly and horrified with their actions. It's as if they have done no yoga at all. This is the true tragedy for me. I'm choosing to have faith in the legal team and the police."


I hope I am doing the right thing here, but I really felt I had to speak up in defense of Swami Shankarananda and Shiva Yoga. I've chosen to do it in a private message as it is turning into such a nasty situation.

This really was a campaign to overthrow him or at least get him to name his successor. There were people close to him who used information they had to try & force the issue, recruiting anyone who would listen. Yes, there were women, but honestly... The man is 73, with a serious heart condition & chronic asthma, so 40+, seems a bit of a stretch. Swamiji has openly admitted there were women, but I believe that many claiming abuse are fanaticizing.

He has never demanded celibacy from any of his followers, including his Swami's & the majority have relationships of their own. I sincerely doubt the woman who has disclosed her name, was ever in a relationship with Swamiji. In fact she is the partner of the person who wanted to be successor.

Regarding other claims: A) I have never observed any signs of abuse, in the demeanor of any women there AND as a previously abused woman, I know the signs

b) Ashramites are free to come & go as they wish. Most hold positions or are studying outside the ashram most days & they go out socially & take holidays. It was actually one of the main protagonists who tried to rule the Ashramites, against Swamiji's wishes.

They do not appear to live in fear either. c) Those who remain have not been told what to do or how to act, apart from being requested not to retaliate to those attacking us.

d) Swamiji only returned at the request of those who wished to stay with him. He was quite prepared to step down completely, if that was what was wanted.

e) Those who have left, have not been attacked by those remaining. Swamiji has specifically asked we treat everyone with love & respect. He himself said in his statement, that people were free to stay or go, at their own discretion.

This fresh wave of attacks has only occurred (I believe), because this was the week of Swamiji's Birthday Feast & Satsang, so would incur maximum impact, just as their first attack was timed to coincide with the Christmas Feast & Satsang. Throughout this whole ordeal, Swamiji has been humble & loving to all. The real people who are being hurt, are those of us remaining, by the attacks & also those who've been deceived by a campaign of half truths & gross exaggeration.

All manufactured by a group of people hungry to seize power by any means. This is just an opinion from the other side, for your information.


But this guru bashing has to be exposed. It destroyed the Los Angeles Zen Center and deprived the world of a great Zen Master in the human form of Maezumi Roshi.  It is destroying Sasaki Roshi's legacy.


I don't know why teachers take on the task because it is so filled with risks to one's peace of mind.

17 March 2015


Well, well. Things have not changed so much in the spiritual world, from Krishnamurti to Shankarananda. Fifty years of alleged scandals shaking spiritual organizations. With Krishnamurti, Joel Goldsmith, and Robert Adams, it was about who was to control the organizations they built, and the written teachings.

I have received private contacts from both sides of the alleged scandal hitting my friend Shankarananda’s ashram.

The critics have been noticeably deficient in details of the allegations, such as what Shankarananda did, to whom and when. The charges are largely generic with little specificity which lowers their credibility.

Then I get another contact from a Shankarananda supporter that things are not as they first appear. The critics have a lot to gain if Shankarananda is pushed out.

From now on I believe nothing without proof, or at least enough detail to make a charge credible.

“Shanks,” as I knew him, has been a friend of mine for almost 40 years. I love Shanks. Yes, we have had problems between us over those years, and I always had a problem with his lack of openness and secrecy. But I had the same problem with Robert Adams secrecy also.

Yes, Shanks could be arrogant, but he also laughed at himself when he was being outrageous. He is a gentle and reasonable soul who ran a beautiful ashram in Los Angeles that I loved to attend. The ashram had a sweetness that I found lacking in many Siddha Yoga ashrams. But he was also easily narcissistically wounded and thus very vulnerable.

I repeat, I love Shanks, and I have difficulty believing he is capable of being as coercive as he has been portrayed by some. Manipulative, suggestive, pushy--yes. But as the sociopath as portraed? I doubt it.

Also, I have seen these sexual abuse allegations at almost all of the Zen centers I have been associated with, and of course the whole Siddha Yoga organization.

Recently the supposed scandalous behavior of Sasaki Roshi came at light after he turned 106. Supposedly he had been sexually abusing women for over 40 years. I was there during a period when the abuse was supposedly at it height, and everyone knew of his predilections, but no one complained. Women talked about it to me in a joking way, but I was not aware of claims of abuse, pain, etc.

Look, why the focus on this? There has been a profound feminist restructuring of morality around sex, which has become the PC attitude. It is always the man’s fault and women are poor, abused, manipulated, hurt, dupes.

Secondly, I know Devi well. Devi is an extraordinarily strong woman, and frankly, I can’t imagine all this going on without her knowledge and intersession.

I repeat again a phrase I heard somewhere, was it from Francis Bennett or elsewhere? I don’t remember. But an elder priest told a junior priest who had admitted to an evil and dissolute life before he found Christ, thinking he may not be of a cut to be a successful priest. 

The elder priest told him, “The saint is not a moral exemplar (especially since morality changes decade by decade), but a bringer of life.” That is, a true guru brings a person out of pain and suffering into life, either of the Manifest Self of passion and Self awareness, or to the transcendental Absolute of supreme peace.

Sometimes sex might do this, sometimes it might do the opposite and be damaging. But because it can bring life, I would not simply ban sex between a teacher and a student, or between any two consenting adults even if they are in other relationships. Love is the most important thing to keep alive, like a small flame on a cold day in the snowy woods. It has to be tended to and nurtured with a lot of attention.

And pain? Pain--emotional pain-- is part of daily life. One must learn to absorb pain and use it to find Self-Realization. Sometimes pain is a bringer of life. I don’t mean the pain that Hitler brought, but the normal pains we feel when slighted, ignored, lied about, loss, death, divorce. These are good pains, they make you know you are alive.

No one speaks about how helpful Swamiji has been to others and how. We only hear the mud as it hit’s the wall. How many people have found life through him? How many have found love or personal growth through him? Why did the aggrieved parties stick around if they were being so aggrieved, so hurt, so wounded by his actions? Have they no part in this drama as co-creators of the drama, or are they only victims of an abusive manipulating guru?

Shankarananda was never that powerful. He is no Rasputin or Svengali. He is an ordinary man with deep spiritual reaches and training, and I assume the “injured” parties are not as innocent as claimed. I know he was profoundly shaken when he found out about Baba's sexual adventures and maybe made a decision to carry on in that way himself. 

I don't know. All we hear are allegations and I never heard any defense until a recent message from a supporter.

AND, sex along with love can be a bringer of life. Maybe that is how Muktananda used it. I know Robert showed many women a lot of attention because he thought they needed it.

15 March 2015

China orders Dalai Lama to reincarnate after death

Supernatural politics: The government of China is ordering the Dalai Lama to reincarnate after his death, and accusing the Tibetan spiritual leader of blasphemy for saying he might not be reincarnated after he dies.
The bizarre demands being made by the ruling Chinese Communist Party stem from comments the Dalai Lama made earlier this year stating he might not be reincarnated, comments made after the Chinese government said they must approve of the next supposed reincarnation of the Dalai Lama.
At a meeting of China’s National People’s Congress in Beijing, the head of Tibet’s regional congress, Padma Choling, appointed by the Chinese Communist Party, said that the Dalai Lama must be reincarnated:
Whether [the Dalai Lama] wants to cease reincarnation or not … this decision is not up to him. When he became the 14th Dalai Lama, it was not his decision.
He was chosen following a strict system dictated by religious rules and historical tradition and also with the approval of the central government.
Can he decide when to stop reincarnating? That is impossible. What he wants is to distort reality. It’s impossible in my view. Tibetan Buddhism follows tradition. If he goes ahead with this there will be division.
Zhu Weiqun, chairman of the ethnic and religious affairs committee of the top advisory body to China’s parliament, accused the Dalai Lama of betraying, and being disrespectful toward, the Tibetan religion and the country by saying there might be no more reincarnations.
In addition, Tibet’s Chinese-appointed governor this week accused the Dalai Lama of blasphemy for doubting reincarnation,
Tibetan Buddhists believe the soul of a senior lama is reincarnated in the body of a child on his death.The current Dalai Lama was chosen as the head of his religion as a boy. He fled his homeland in 1959 after a failed uprising against Chinese rule.
Previously the Dalai Lama declared that he would not be reincarnated so long as Tibet is under Chinese rule, and that no one, including China, has the right to choose his successor.

Read more: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2015/03/china-orders-dalai-lama-to-reincarnate-after-death/#ixzz3UT1QmxVc

Spending the day relaxing and doing a litle sight-seeing with Matthew.

14 March 2015


I have a confession.

As you all know Rajiv and I were very close for a long time, and then we were not.

The reason was my jealousy and Rajiv’s silence.

Deeya had been my student for some time before Rajiv entered the picture, and she even wanted to come visit me in the U.S.  She and I exchanged many emails and she sent me some gifts and I was taken by her vulnerability and love.

Then Rajiv and I entered an intense public relationship on this blog which resulted in his awakening to the Absolute beyond Consciousness.  Deeya was much taken by Rajiv’s passion and began communicating with him.  Gradually she stopped communicating with me as did Rajiv and he was encouraging her to develop her own teaching website. Finally Deeya came into some money through her healing work and traveled to India to be with Rajiv and his family.

I felt jealous and left out.  Neither really was communicating with me and Rajiv even did a video of Deeya which he posted on his website.  I felt he stole her from me just as other former students of mine left me for  him.

Then there was some trouble between Rajiv and Deeya, and in my jealousy and anger I took sides with Deeya against Rajiv and could find no good in him.  For this I feel deeply ashamed with great sorrow.  I have caused him great hurt and his family as well.  I have apologized to him and he has accepted my apology, but he pointed out the pain I caused.

I publicly criticized the method he created as nothing more than Kriya Yoga, but in fact, it can be an exellent adjunct method of raising Shakti to supplement the dryness that self-inquiry done without great love and bring.  

I also criticized him for wanting to be a Hollywood guru for taking on the movie people, but, in fact, they were aiding Rajiv in coming to the United States and thus helping him get much needed medical treatment for his son from UCLA doctors.

Rajiv, I deeply apologize for the pain I have caused you and your family.

But, I pointed out that the emotional pain I caused was not the worst of it, because that pain inevitably leads to the Self if one is open to it.  The evil inherent in what I did and said was the pettiness of my motivations.

Rajiv is a good man--a human man with an ill son who he worries about constantly and whose plight weighs heavy on his heart.  You would not go wrong to have Rajiv as a teacher.  He is filled with love and has a powerful personality.

The greatest difficulty on any path is the initial awakening, which turns on the light switch so to speak illuminating the rest of the path. Awakening to the Absolute is most difficult indeed for it is beyond form and emptiness, beyond even the duality of witness and witnessed and it is almost impossible to find by oneself. Here the only guides are a subtle intuition so hard to pin down and a teacher's encouraging words.

Rajiv is an expert guide to the Absolute as well as awakening Kundalini which adds a factor of love and breathing to what can be entirely too dry a path.

Love Rajiv and your world will explode in joy.

12 March 2015



Let us get one thing straight.  There is a huge difference between the Fifth Amendment protections of our lives from intrusions by the government, and our “right” to hide portions of our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions both from our own awareness and from others. Fifth Amendment protections protect our freedom in terms of behavior and speech, while personal privacy described below prevent living the life-divine.

Our inner world is very complex—as complex as our outer world of everyday life which closely reflects our inner beliefs, feelings, and insecurities.  When we hide portions of that inner world from ourselves along with a refusal to be open with our inner selves to others for whatever reason, we are preventing our searching self from realizing itself as Self.

Until our inner world is a completely open book both to us and with an attitude of open sharing, to others, we cannot tease out that which is most fundamental to our sense of identity: the Self.

The Self is that burning light of awareness that makes any experience an experience, any knowledge, knowledge, any love, love.  Self is awareness of things, awareness of love; it is knowledge itself, love itself.

Yet to tease out that pristine Self from the complexity of our inner experience is extremely difficult if the totality of that experience is not available to the seeker, that aspect of Self that seeks itself as an object of knowledge.

A key ingredient of successful realizing of the Self, becoming aware of one’s own Self, is the ability to find the missing portions of an integrated human self, the lacunae, resulting from failure in the development of our sense of self from developmental failures, or the result of internal fixations as the result of trauma.  Both developmental failures and trauma create  distortions in how we view ourselves and the world, and prevent Self-Realization because the self-aspect that is seeking is really seeking lost aspects of itself which when regained, allows for the full manifestation and life of the divine within us.

Self-Realization really means God-Realization.  By that I don’t mean literally that one realizes some sort of conceptual God is manifested within.  What I mean is that when the Self is revealed to you the experience and power of the Self revealed is unlike anything you have experienced or felt before.  It is several orders of magnitude more intense, more moving and life-changing than anything you have experienced before.

The experience of Self when first realized is one of awesome wonder, of intense awe of the power of awareness, and of the light of Consciousness, and feeling directly as oneself the living, ever-mutating, vibrating nature of the energy within often called Shakti.

Along with the ecstatic experience of Self comes an overwhelming humility.  The self that was before, the self created over the time-span of your life, the little human self, bows and submits in the presence of Self which is experienced as the divine Other—a presence so magnificent as to overwhelm and thus exclude any other experience. God is found here in all His majesty, and you, His humblest of servants.

With this experience there is no longer anything to hide.  All has been exposed to God’s penetrating vision and thus to one’s own Self who is God, and all has been accepted and even welcomed by that God within.  Even the worst things you have ever done, the evilest of misdeeds is seen and forgiven.  You are wiped clean of guilt, sorrow for misdeeds, and made clean, fresh, alive once more. No longer lost or confused because of inner blindness, inner hidden secrets, you stand tall, complete, cleansed of sin and darkness, now leading a life of continuous open sharing of your Self.

Practicing openness and open sharing prior to Self-Realization is almost a requirement for it to take place.  One must become an open book, hiding as little as possible, being humble and human.  It is this open acceptance of who and what one is at any point in time that fosters and makes possible a long sequence of pre-Self-Realization experiences of a progressive exposure to lost portions of self allowing us to absorb and integrate that lost self into ourselves preparatory to realizing the Self in its fullness.

There is nothing worth hiding if you want to experience the godlike-Self within.  One knows that the light of Consciousness is the same for all, and that light is everywhere except for the secret-holder who creates a shadow to hide his shame and sin.

So many seekers fall off the path to realization of God precisely because of their clinging to the darkness of secrecy, for hiding anything anywhere within or without, is sequestering that thing away from the light of Consciousness and thus in an inner darkness.

These persons talk continuously of a need for privacy and exclusions from shared experience.  There are serious flaws in their openness to their own experience which is reflected by their fears about sharing their experiences with others, or of others knowing their flaws and hidden sticking points.

In Self-Realization, your heart of heart’s, your deepest sense of identity and intimacy, your most tender and vulnerable sense of self is exposed and totally accepted by God, by your Self within and privacy is seen as a barrier to seeing, feeling, and manifesting that Self.

So many fall from the path because they protect wounded parts of themselves from being seen by themselves or others and this self-protection is precisely the mode of their failure to realize that Self within, the Self of All.

11 March 2015



It is so difficult to explain.  You are already experiencing the Self in everyday life.  It is the basic background experience of being alive and aware.  But this state is buried within a matrix of everything else going on in our life from daily activities of living, daydreaming, sleeping, feeling urges, emotions, imagining, and most of all, thinking.

All of these activities make up the average person’s life. To get to that base experience of being alive and aware requires a drilling down through all the activities, mental and physical, to that bottom most, all permeating base awareness that underlies and suffuses all other experience as light and life.

When drilling down by meditation, or by practicing self-awareness or self-inquiry, gradually losing interest in the world or refusing priority attentive care of our body's or our mind's slightest needs, wants, desires, and distractions, we “sink” gradually into that base layer of Self, and thereby doing, we, as observer, become self-aware of the Manifest Self, the bare consciousness and awareness, and of ourselves witnessing that base awareness.  We become fully self aware of the Life Force, Sentience, awareness, and the hidden witness thereof, which is the Unmanifest Self.  

The witness, and the Manifest Self are one. We identify with both and are aware of their apparent separation as Unmanifest and Manifest, yet one.

Once we hit this realization we are awakened to the ground of being and the identity of the Absolute and our ephemeral, phenomenal existence as a human being and identify with That one.  But this one consists of being human, being the Manifest Self of Consciousness, and the Absolute, Unmanifest Witness.

How do we know when we have realized Self?  

Two ways: First we feel as if we have come home.  We feel like we rest in our heart of heart, our heart of awareness, the center of our sense of being.  We rest in our sense of identification.  It is our most intimate sense of vulnerability and awareness.

Secondly, characteristic of realizing that Manifest Self, our aliveness, and awareness of our alive, sentient, existence, that Self wants to shout:  I have come alive; I exist!  

Our self-awareness of the magnificent, magic, and mystery of being alive, knowing and perceiving is so wild and magnificent discovery that all other knowledge of the world means noting in comparison, for we have found that for which we have always sought: our truest and deepest identity as life and sentience as the Manifest Self come aliveand creating the phenomenal world of constant experiences and change, wherein dwell both the Manifest and Unmanifest Self at the deepest level of our sentience and being.
The Ashtavakra Gita warns that if you want to know the truth about yourself, knowing your “True Self so to speak, you need to shun the poison of the senses.  Wind, earth, sky—you are none of these things.   Set even your own body aside and rest in your own awareness.  You are that before the reach of the senses, the witness of all things.

In a sense, though this appears to be contrary to my current teachings, this warning is true.
If you are too interested in things and events in the world, it is so difficult to master the inner world, for the searching within, even the resting within, is contaminated by wanting something outside, whether love, fame, security, sex, or food or drug states.

If you feel constantly hungry and eat 6-7 times a day, or take prescription drugs or Marijuana to get high more than occasionally, you are still very far from the Self.

Now, there are two Selves, the Unmanifest Self of Advaita, the ultimate witness—that which is beyond the sense, beyond Consciousness—and the Manifest Self—sentience, the sense of presence as an entity embedded in the world, with a location and timelike extension.  This is what I call the divine in all of us—the magic of being alive!  I, an insentient lump of flesh have come alive!  How marvelous I am!  From me, the whole world is experienced.  Without me, or someone like me, it has no existence.

When this Manifest Self is first seen, it brings you great happiness, joy, and is the object of endless fascination.  The total object of your affection so to speak, is yourself, the light and sentience within, the phenomenal manifestation that fascinates and informs that Absolute, which is you, with the play of Consciousness, which is also you.

It becomes the fascination of your life; nothing else really matters in comparison.

And with it comes great compassion because you realize all living beings are like you; you share life; you share awareness—sentience; you share love of one’s own Manifest Self, which, like the flame of a candle, is identical to the flame of another candle.  In that sense, it is the One Flame of Sentience, of the Manifest Self.
Once you fixate on the Self, all habits begin to fall off because you don’t have time or energy for them, for you have seen, felt, and dwelt in the joy and integrity of the Manifest Self—God; the divine.  Such magic, from me the world is born and for you too!  How marvelous I Am.  I am alive!  I am the ghost in the machine—the Holy Ghost—the spirit—Life itself.

How marvelous I am!  I am throughout the universe with no boundaries, no restrictions, everywhere.

06 March 2015




Sign in the the password    edji    asked for on two separate occasions.  Then sign in by pressing the “Start Broadcasting” tab over the video.

04 March 2015



Sri Edji, Never had any idea whatsoever. It is Heaven in the making.

I feel NEW. I AM NEW.

If it keeps going like this I am going to pee my pants.

I love feeling the inside of others and sending them Love. The animals just love it too....they know what is going on too! My wife and I share everything with all of our pets. Its funny as one of the boy cats can only take so much of the teachings and gets very jumpy and has to leave the room.

I break into tears of JOY because of meeting you my LORD. When I look at you and think of you JESUS WITH A HALO IS STANDING THERE.

This Virgin of the Manifest I AM is just teasing me (even though I don't know who me is anymore). She is just circling me with Colors of Love...I can just barely stand it .....it is like being on Fire inside and at times the Flame just explodes. Every cell in this body is electric.

I can see your desire to share your Manifest Self with everyone. It is like telling them, ' it is standing Right in Front of your nose....you cant miss it. You don't need to suffer anymore, salvation is just a blink away.'


You would never have believed this could happen to you a year ago, could you? Yes, right within everyone, here and now is the Manifest Self of joy and bliss, of feeling, hearing, seeing, surrendering. Always here inside you.

03 March 2015

God Protect us from us

I am certainly no expert on ISIS, Islam, the Middle East or any of that. But I surely can empathize with the hurt and rage of the Muslim people in Iraq and Afghanistan who have been invaded and occupied by America over the past dozen years, subject to constant collateral damage from drone strikes, bombing, strafing, and mercy killings of injured Iraqis by allied soldiers.

If America were occupied by a foreign power dictating a new form of government and completely overturning our cultural to better reflect those of our occupiers, I too might become very militant if I felt marginalized and humiliated.

If I were a Muslim in any other country in the Middle East, I think I would resent what appears to be a drunken giant destructively crashing around my neighborhood where they did not belong. I would wonder when they would be coming into my neighborhood, taking over my city council, my neighborhood watch, and my government.

As a matter of fact, as an American, I am frightened for all of us given what appears to be out-of-control police brutality and a corrupt political and criminal justice system that looks the other way regarding crimes of Wall Street, bankers, judges, the very wealthy, as well as those of the police. The parameters of our freedom and privacy are shrinking at an alarming rate.  There is very little time left to reverse the oligarchic fascism of corporate/government collusion. God protect us from our failure to protect ourselves from the descending darkness.

The before-last satsang - when you explained thoroughly the emotional integration part - and for the first time in my life it was very clear for me 'how to do it properly', something has happened.

I usually work with anxiety, sadness, envy and such.

I was sitting at dinner table eating then suddenly a vision gripped me. Lots of people were heading somewhere and shouted 'He has returned'. And i ran to see, i saw Jesus, but it is not what i saw that was extraordinary but what i felt, i have never ever ever ever felt such humility. I felt that what i thought i felt as humility was nothing compared to this... and this strong humility was born out of love that was coming to me from vision.

suddenly THE vision just dropped and i felt love so strong i started to cry like a baby, i have never ever imagined such tremendous love was even possible it shook me so much and i felt so thankful for everything and so deeply.... this humility was an extraordinary experience. My heart now is very sensitive i don't know how to explain this, i cry almost on every turn, purely out of awe of life... I soooo THANK YOU ED!

I want to put in words but it is so hard... it feels like wanting to write million words at the same time, but they just miss it.....

This humility and love is kind of different than loving a woman, when i first fell in love it was different , this love was coming out of me, but not reversed (i felt effects of love - such as trembling throughout the body, deep longing, i remember writing that experience to you, it was strong longing love)

But now, i felt like that love, that was going out to woman (now my wife:), was reversed and was being sucked inside and poured onto my heart and it became very sensitive....

After that i feel lots of sadness pouring from deep within, i felt that sadness in background throughout my life from the childhood together with anxiety (which was intensified when Ramana came in vision and pointed to my solar plexus area, and i was gripped by it, i defended from it, i was tense because of it and mad at him for this for some time...:), but on the other hand i would never find you otherwise... )

Life is a big play where the 'Whole' is unfolding in parts... never ending... painting itself... yes, I experience it as self painting picture... revealing itself little by little...


These are the kinds of experiences that happened just before my last awakening to the Manifest Self.  You are touching the deepest layer of your consciousness, and if you are lucky, the Self will show itself to you as You.  Don't discount the important place that human love played for you to arrive here, just as it did for me.  Romantic love, and the tenderness it brings, becomes intensified into divine love and awakening.

02 March 2015


Dear Edji, I was going to write you about Satsang...you beat me to it. It was God-Blessed Powerful. My god you got right into it and took us with you. One hell of a trip. My body was just convulsing with the energy....then when I bond with you and all the others it was ass kicking.

It is still with me and your advice to stick to using these methods throughout the day was really good. I think everyone feels very special having you teach them.

I am ready to just have a 'soul' orgasm as my energy centers are lit up , burning and just flowing with desire.

something today just Clicked....I probably need to hear things 1000 times...well this was the time.

Change is happening many times during the day...like walking into a new reality. j

going from the Manifest Self to the Observer and back was just kicking butt and your explanation was perfect to understand. I felt you were talking right to me.

One thing I just remembered that in the background I could hear some birds singing...I don't know if you have birds but they were so happy and just singing there hearts out. They could feel everything so that was a blessing too that other sentient beings could enjoy our Satsang.

On another side I feel so compassionate for all humanity and all living things. Easy words to say but Experience and Feeling is talking here. I can feel all beings deeply inside and they are all me.

This Love pouring out of my Heart is for everyone and everything.
I just love to love. Its so real and authentic.

Deepest Love My Teacher, your humble servant, Steve Palmer


Satsang was very , very focused for me. I just heard your voice and followed you very clearly. Nothing extraneous.

The pipe exercise brings up my energies very quickly. Today I felt flooded with light.

My sense of consciousness seems to run like light through my subtle body. This was very powerful today.

I'm currently not as much in my body. I don't mean separate, but I feel identified with energy. I feel localized in the gossamer body around my physical body.

I've had very little thinking now for several weeks. Touching into the abandonment was a turning point. Some sense of preordained suffering is gone.

Its like a door is open That's how I felt at satsang ..... imminent .... not knowing anything anymore.

haha ... you described directly knowing today .... I seem to just be curiously 'not knowing' anything suddenly.

All I really know is that I want to be out in AZ with you. I have to get myself together enough to do that.

I just feel like I'm in a cocoon ... but when am I going to hatch??????

01 March 2015

Sunday’s Satsang was incredibly powerful for me.  Something changed.  I don’t know truth through my mind or intuition any more, but directly through my body and its energy body extension.

There is great joy in me.  Great bliss also permeates my body and surprisingly makes it more real. Matter and knowledge are one

A great sense of knowing has descended, different from just being strongly centered and steadfast as before, but I am knowing itself—pure Jnana.  It is so difficult to describe, but it is as if I have mastered knowledge and I now give it directly, both through words and my presence. The sense of being grounded in knowing makes me feel more powerful than matter—the appearance of the world. The world revoves around me.

I wish you could experience this sense of awe I feel because I know who I am even more deeply.

28 February 2015


Password is edji which is asked for two separate times.

Then go to the START BROADCASTING button to get on camera and mike.


27 February 2015


Hi Edji,

Meditations (got to be another name for that) get so good I could stay there all day long. The feelings in the Hara and chest and head area are getting more identifiable and stronger.

What is Life for except this...your method of Manifesting the Self.

Deep loneliness, fears and long ago forgotten thoughts (totally forgotten) just surface but they just do not have the negative impact they used to. The days of wanting to leave the body are Gone....Now I look forward to them showing up unexpectedly and letting them overtake me then gradually leave. Leaving me more blessed than before. Never thought I'd look at them as a blessing.

I am much closer to all the cats now. and can tap into their feelings and fears. Took Orry to the Vet today for a teeth cleaning and let him know days before what was going to happen and the I would be with him and the girl technicians were very nice and loved him too. So he was all ready to go this AM and when I left him for several hours he was very calm and relaxed. Oh , just feeling the Love between him and I was overwhelming. He was so happy and secure. Almost like I am talking to myself.

A strange thing happened yesterday: we have granite counter-tops and it is like they said to me "what right do you have to destroy a beautiful mountain in South America just so you can have a special counter-top?"

Then I could see the destruction we humans foster on Nature just to pretty our abodes.

I guess we do this to animals, confining them to tiny torture pens, pretty fish taken from their havens and shipped from around the world for our pretty aquariums, birds trapped in Africa so we can lock them up in little cages, Oak and maple trees cut,split and killed just so we can have nice looking trim around our doors and windows...the kind of things that now make me sick but maybe that is a part of me also. Its here now so I have to face it.

So it is not just Orry and the cats and animals that I feel but it has to extend to all of Nature. All of living Nature. The mountains are alive, trees and plants wherever they live, the air we breathe.
I AM all of that and now feeling it.

I remember seeing a picture of an old man, a Native American and a tear is rolling ever so slowly down his cheek. I know that Man....today I know that man.

Love you , steve

I gotta say Edji you really opened it ALL up for me, and I bow to you SIR!!

26 February 2015

Feedback on process

Dear Edji,

I continue to search for the I am. I'm back on my job again after two weeks of vacation and with the daily stress it's more difficult to go deeper but I do my best.

The satsangs send me deeper very quickly. There is the feeling of electricity around the heart and lots of buzzing in the emotional body. 

I feel some positive changes in my daily life. I feel like a more heart centered and warm person. My connection with my kids are getting better and they seem to like my presence better too. It's like they finally have become part of my spiritual life instead of an obstacle to it.

Different emotions are coming up too. During my years with the void/pure awareness life was often experienced as a flow but a flow without or with few emotions. I feel more whole now but am also confronted with feelings of being timid, vulnerable and having a lack of self confidence. I have been away from life and emotions for quite some time and it's like when you don't use your muscles they get weaker. I haven't been used to meet life as a whole person and haven't exercised my emotions. I try to embrace whatever comes up in me.

The last satsang was so great and I regret I didn't record it. I'm already looking forward to next Sunday.

It sounds great that you may want to hold the satsang one hour earlier. Since kundalini awakened 6 years ago I have become very dependent on my sleep and when I go to bed later than 10 pm local time I'm always totally devastated the day after. I'll try to attend satsang no matter what you decide but if it is an hour earlier it's great news. 

Thank you, Edji


My response:  Wonderful news! It is feedback like yours that keeps me going.

25 February 2015


I just saw  documentary called “Silenced” about three whistle blowers regarding torture that took place under bush, and the cover-ups by the NSA and other agencies to hide the truth.

It exposes the corruption that was and is the White House under both Bush and Obama.  I didn’t know that only 11 people had been charged with treason under the 1917 Espionage Act that was directed against German spies in WWI.  Of those 11, seven have been charged and prosecuted under Barack Obama.

Cheney, as Vice President orders the Justice Dept. to burn anyone who reveals the truth about what happened and then deletes a broad spectrum of documents and emails that would reveal what really happened.

This has continued under Obama, and is part and parcel of Obama’s war against journalists, federal whistle blowers, and transparency anywhere in his administration.

See it if you can on TV.  Also, I saw Citizen Four, a documentary about Edward Snowden.  It is a mirror reflection of Silenced, exposing that the Espionage Act makes no distinction between leakers and spies.  If a person reports illegal activities of the government that have been classified as secret by that same government as an act of coverup, that person can be successfully prosecuted for treason.

One of the whistle blowers followed just revealed to a congressional committee some lies the CIA had told Congress about the torture project, and he was prosecuted.  All three whistle blowers were effectively blacklisted and emotionally destroyed.

The degree of secrecy and destructive coverup and corruption now in the government mirrors the utter depravity of corporate greed, deceit, and corruption that has become America during the past century and a half.

I experienced the same sort of lies and coverup when I lived in Santa Monica from obfuscating City staffers, who, as one city employee told me, lied all the time about nearly everything. They hide from fear of retribution from a public if exposed for some of their acts.