17 April 2015


Spirituality is a very confusing and sometimes dangerous place.  It is filled with competing concepts, gurus, experts, voicing conflicting worldviews, methods, goals, and expected rewards.  There is no end to the knowledge base within spirituality.

Seekers come into spirituality for many different reasons:

Seeking truth.  That is looking for concepts that they can believe in through truth or faith.

Seeking God.  This means somehow contacting something entirely beyond our selves.  Something bigger, something “divine,” something immortal.  This can be in the form of a belief about God, or a direct experience which we can call God.  Such would be experiences of grace, redemption from guilt or fear, experiences of total light, bliss, and inner energies, experiences of complete, total gratitude for being alive.  In  any event, it consists of experiences that are totally beyond anything experienced to that point in a person’s life that is transformational in some sense.

Seeking emptiness, the Void.  This is the focus of Buudhism and most in Advaita accept this as a goal.  The intent is to get beyond or “before” a personal self, or “transcending” the personal self and finding the underlying reality of the Void, which is like the pre-Einstein concept of the ether, which permeates and contains all matter, the Void, emptiness, permeates and contains all experience, including of the world and one’s own body, thoughts, and emotions.  By dwelling or abiding in the Void we find peace, because we are “larger” than any experience, any emotion, any fear, depression, anxiety. The goal could be Nirvana, or snuffing out of the self, transcending desires and the so-called ego.

Seeking the witness, which is he source of my own existence, the witness, which itself cannot be witnessed. The witness is even beyond the Void because it experiences the Void as an experience of nothingness, or emptiness.

Now the Witness can be believed in as a concept, because it cannot be directly experienced itself, OR, one has a direct experience of one’s own self being the “knower,” as the sense of oneself being the principal of knowing, or that which knows both the experience of being awake and aware, and also that which also experiences unawareness, non-existence. That is, I experience myself as that “something,” or source, that boths knows existence, but also knows non-existence.  I am knowledge and the origin of knowledge itself.

This experience can not be explained in any other way because it talks of existence beyond experience, that is aware of existence and (in the sleep state) non-existence.

Seeking spiritual knowledge, psychic powers, healing powers. his is the area of seeking “siddhi” or Subtle Body energies, chi, Reiki, Quantum Touch, astral projection, controlling weather, etc.  This is exploring the interface between our common physical world and the internal astral and energy worlds.

Seeking Kundalini awakening.  This path is halfway been seeking a direct experience of God and doing energy work in the Subtle Body.  All three paths become mixed together.  Awakening the Kundalini energies, which is the specific form of the female principle of Shakti within, is a path of energy worship and abidance that leads to ecstatic states of bliss, love, and engulfing energies.

Self-Realization of the Manifest Self.  This is my path.  This is seeking the direct experience of myself as a personal, human self, as well as the Spiritual Self of the direct experience of God through love, devotion, and self-acceptance of everything that arises when doing self-inquiry or looking and “feeling” within one’s own sense of self, and also feeling witin one’s internal darkness and iner space.

Here the “Self” in its final form realizes the identity of Self as the Void, as the Witness beyond even the Void, as also the direct experience of God, and as direct experience of one’s own spiritual of divine Self, which is also God.  One also realizes that one’s own human, personal, limited human self is part of the totality of Self.

Self-Realization of the Manifest or experiential Self, really encompasses identification with all levels of Self, the the experience of oneself as being a human being, vulnerable and dualistic, along with the constant direct experience of the Void, along with the continuing awareness of being that abstract principal of knowing and not-knowing, as well as the direct experience of God, and one’s identity as God.

As such, Realization of one’s self as the Manifest Self really encompasses all levels of spirituality: acceptance of one’s limited human self and groundedness in physicality, direct experience of the Void simultaneously, the direct experience of God simultaneously, direct experience of one’s energy or Subtle Body energies, including Shakti that pervades all levels as does emptiness, and experiencing oneself as the Witness, the knower of all things.

16 April 2015

Email to me:

Dear Edji,

I ressonate a lot with several of Steve's recent experiences. I've also had that experience of your heart center as divine. Or at other times: My heartcenter is your heart center or there's an Edji placed in my heart and focusing on it sends me into bliss.

When I move around in the world things are quite normal, but as soon as I take a break and relax there's bliss and a humming in the body.

I have to learn a lot of new procedures at work at the moment and I feel sooo stupid and slow. My brain doesn't want to take in new information: I'd rather just be absorbed by all the things which goes on inside. In the end things seem to work out. I do what I need to do on an almost unconscious level where I wouldn't be able to explain what I'm actually doing.

There's both a fear of and a desire to give up and become totally dysfunctional.

Energy is often strong in the evening and night, especially when I've been listening to chantings. A few days ago everything was green when I closed my eyes. All kinds of green moving and changing.

Thank you so much for this path, Edji.

My Response:

Yes there is a lot of heart energy and light as well as bliss on this path of discovering the Manifest Self.

Yes, the desire to be nothing except the experiences of bliss, love, light,and energies is sometimes very strong; the desire to become "dysfunctional," is a desire just to be Self alone and forget human responsibilities..

Some actually enjoy going into a mental hospital to rest in bliss and be taken care of.

Some would view what I say with horror, as if such a vew were crazy or irresponsible. But the life of the Self transcends all such mundane judgments. If you want to know and be your Self, it requires a total dedication to the task no matter what the consequences.

I remember early on in my path having so many Kundalini experiences I thought I was going insane, but I persisted because knew the life I, and all others, was living was the true insanity.

15 April 2015

Sri Edji, Just a follow-up from yesterday. Something big has changed in how I regard my time in the military.
These 'flashbacks' have been so real especially when the original feelings restate themselves and its probably because I now allow all the feelings and emotions to penetrate this body and mind.
So for some reason now I can tell a more positive story from a different perspective because of being in the military as I had now experienced an extremely wide range of experiences, feelings and emotions that my family and friends never would. And they wouldn't understand either.My exposure ranged from very good happy times with soldier buddies as close as brothers and the bad times as disregarding the sanctity of life itself.
I hadn't fully realized that living in a hell of a war zone would provide a wide range of benefits and new abilities until now with a maturity of deeper insights into the World, its people and simple daily activities. I could never have attained such a wide range of experiences and education without being a member of the U.S. Army.The alternative of participation in University life or just going into work place would not have provided anything close to the 2 years employed by Uncle Sam.
Coming home from Vietnam I walked in the door , , and feeling strangely sat in the living room with my family but it seemed that we had little to say or talk about so in about 10 minutes everyone except my little brother had left to 'do their thing'. Tom and I had always been close so we talked while everyone else just disappeared into their world. At the time I really felt lost and alone, except for my brother being there, but now many years later I could see that my family and people in general dislike leaving their 'comfort zone' and most people did not want to hear of my expanded experiences....and would leave the room but that is not my loss. I was the one who had grown. I do not feel the need for their understanding.
I can and back then--could see the limitations the world, society and people place on themselves. Where I had lost many of the belief systems taught by schools and churches a new set of values took its place. An appreciation over many years for life and sentient beings started to settle in. Hunting animals, fishing and eating meat all stopped. Money and status has little meaning. The falseness of the World started showing itself.
All this crap just led to a deeper search for meaning. What was this existence about? So I read and read and studied and practiced without really getting anywhere probably because it usually involved looking to the outside.
Fast forward....A Guru, Sri Edji called me, recognized my plight and pointed the way and gave me the needed guidance to begin...to begin the True Journey back Home. So my life today is evermore expanding into other dimensions sometimes even beyond all logic and reasoning, wonders beyond belief and again I don't expect others to understand.
Peace and bliss are now mine...

My Reply:

Yes! Seeing the hell of the world is quite sobering. All the hopeful, narrow ideals fall away, giving you the chance to go within. But you didn't do that until I gave you permission--and look what you have done with it!

12 April 2015

Three messages from Steve:

Edji,   I hardly remember writing this,,,this morning.  Its like a forgotten memory.

Its Almost 12:30pm right now and I just got out of bed.  Have been closely connected to the light radiating out of your  Heart Center and it has just been sending me into Total Bliss all morning and even being awake it is still there.If anyone could see the light radiating out of you they would fall to there knees as I am doing now.Deepest Love, steve

Edji,  All of a sudden everything turned white  and peaceful.  Like a huge fabric sheet was presented in front of me.  I somehow knew this was..........??   I can't put words to it.

I really don't seem to need music any more..I just think of you and your Heart Center right next to mine. this body has been 'vibrating' all day so far.      

I just see your body as a background but your Heart Center is like some of them pictures of Jesus with his heart radiating light.  

Yours is very forceful  (God you and Jesus would have been great pals)...blasting right out of your chest....and sending me flying!!

Sri Edji,    One thing I noticed is that I can hear about 50% better.   I can hear little noises that I couldn't before.  Plus I can smell like a cat.  This awareness is multiplying in more ways than one.

My Response:

Enjoy the wonder.  You are experiencing the rush of energies some call Shakti, some Grace, some Kundalini.  It is flowering in you now and after a long while will settle down into just an experiencing of the Self, you, as Steve, and God all rolled into one.

Just the majesty of the experience reveals to you that it is greater than anything human--hence divine--and it is you.  This is a place of magic why you can fly to astral worlds, change weather, develop telepathy, and all that--interesting for a while, but ultimately to let go and just dwell in the happiness of Self.

06 April 2015

Edji,  I feel like our female kitty ....in heat....this body is just recycling pleasure from head to toe.  

Its mating season, me and the  I AM...just going around and around. Hate to even move just rather sit or lie down and FEEL IT.

Like a python within my body, rubbing against every nook and cranny trying to mate. 

It just keeps on going and going and going  like the Energizer Bunny.

And the Moon even got in on it last few nights radiating all that Power and Energy.

My God, you must live in paradise all the time...well it feels like I'll be joining you sometime.


Dearest Edji,

As you have accepted me as your disciple and because we are geographically so far,  I want first of all to tell you about myself, as I have surrendered myself to you, I want you to know everything about me.

You know what, I have been searching for a living guru for the last 14 years. I am 32 years now.

In 2001, both of my parents were killed. A brutal murder.  That guy was caught the same day and in prison from then till now.

I went through the long phase of depression. There was the void in me. No life there. 

I visited many holy places of India in search of peace. Read lots of spiritual books to understand the meaning of life and death. I practised tantra. The left hand path, practised and tried to talk with my parents ,, hahaha...... succeeded in some ways. Entered into the dark world of inner confusion, hatred and frustration for a long time.

I was later in 2009 involved in Osho movement. I practised dynamic meditation and that enabled me to be normal again with long sessions of catharsis. I was normal human being again from 2010.

But in deep sense, I knew that I need a living Guru. There was a fire in me to understand, to realize the inner meaning of existence. I wanted to know myself. 

I got married with a lovely girl and now have a son  of 2 years.

Practically, I am OK with the material life.

When I encountered youR blog and website, your words hammered me from the inside. I was shattered and for the first time came to understand the true meaning of spirituality. There was no meaningful direction of my meditations. You were the fire to kindle my heart. 

But still as I was practising witnessing for some time, I did not give enough ear to listen to you properly.  

And there came the state of emptiness which shallows my aliveness. I was there but as a ghost. It happened for two months. I was not unhappy but still there was no meaning in that. I was just a witness to everything happening around. I got the taste of witness. There was no emotion, no love. No sex was possible. There was no BODY. So far and distant I was from this existence. There was suicidal tendency not because I was depressed but because there is nothing in life that can bind me to the existence.

And then, I wrote you the last enquiry. You told me to feel it and I felt the inner being. This I AM. I came back to life. 

( Edji, I know this is so much like a free association, but I hope you don't mind)

And last friday, I was in a room of a friend. He is a very good friend from the university. We talked mundane matters. And out of blue, I started talking about the Self. He was listening and I started feeling something big entering in the room. The vast, strange thing start happening. If it was only for me, then there would have doubt. My friend also start crying. We both were in a vast energy field and energy was penetrating me from every pores of my body. Wisdom happened there. Love happened there. 

For the first time in my life, I understand the meaning of love that Jesus, Osho and You are talking about. I felt the Me there. The manifested SELF. It may be illusion Edji. And I don't have that state now. 

That episode had a tremendous effect on my friend. He was so much changed. The frightening thing in this is that my friend called me yesterday and told me that I am his GURU. I am so scared EDJI. He told me that he found divine in me and my presence. Guruji, what is this? I certainly know that there is nothing like divine happening to me. But why people feel that way. My wife is also acting a little differently from that day onward. She is looking at me differently. But let me tell you that I am not in bliss as in that evening.  
Sri Edji, My guru, I have found you and you are my true Self, my true love. You please guide me further. 

I do not want to lose this understanding. I want to go deeper. 

How do I live my life? 

with devotion,


The death of your parents, as terrible as it was and is, dragged your attention within and pinned you deep inside.  Then you struggled to find a way out, to find the light, and for a brief time you found Witness-consciousness, and realized that is not for you.

The message of the Manifest Self, along with all your inner work, produced the outcome of the Self revealing itself to you.  You are blessed to have  experienced the Self like this so fully and for a prolonged time.  In the future the experiences will last longer and become deeper.  Shakti will bring your physical and Subtle body completely awake in light and bliss, and you will surely know God within who is and will conscioussly become your constant partner.

I am so sorry that you lost both parents in such a way.  When I lost my own father by a sudden heart attack, I was devastated beyond all reason.  Had I also lost my mother at the same time, I doubt I would ever have recovered.

Stay close to me and the energy of our lineage will help you experience your Self ever more frequently.

05 April 2015

Dear Edji,


What a difference, what a difference!!

I accepted this manifestation and God is showering on me with love, bliss and deep understanding of the humanity.

I am human again, with body, mind and feeling. This throbbing of the heart, hearing the chirping birds, looking at a tree, any sound make me enter into this beingness. I am ness is the root of this existence. And this I am ness is God. If I understand this I am ness, I understand the creation and dissolution of the universe. Yes, I AM ness is the seed of existence. 

2 days ago, I was with a friend and both of us felt this overwhelming energy of bliss and peace showering for more than 3 hours continuously. 

He never was a practicing meditator! How was that possible? Is this bliss contagious?

Edji, I have surrendered my self to you. Please accept me. Bless me with your love and light.



Actually successive  episodes will get deeper and more intense. Of course the likelihood of increased episodes of strong negative and positive emotions are also more likely as part of the awakening sequences.  You become sensitive to messeges from the unconsciousness about parst of you that remain buried and unseen, and want to return to life.

For Steve it was the horror of Vietnam; for Syndria it is attachments and abbandonment, for me it has been sadness and loss.  Your lost humanity must be fully reclaimed and then God--the Self--shows himself to you, embraces you, takes you briefly  to heaven in the flesh, then you come back totally changed.

Yes, someone in tune with you will likely feel something, and if he is sensitive, and you both are in tune, both will feel it.  We did that a lot in Satsang: broadcasting and receiving energies and bliss.
Dylan’s Poem Speaks to me:

Do not go gentle into that good night
Dylan Thomas, 1914 – 1953

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Dylan expresses my own frustration at having explored the depths of spirituality for 62 years, having studied with many of the greatest spiritual teachers of the 20th Century, who finally stumbled upon the greatest discovery possible in spirituality, only to find that when I speak of it, convey it, teach it through words and even energy transmission, has had little impact on mainstream spirituality and the Zeitgeist of our time.

“Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night.”

Yes, we all know that one day we will die. 

But because my entire life of learning about Self and Other, teaching this wonder of Self, of our divine nature that explains everything and ties us altogether within God, has had very little impact on the suffering of the world.

For that, I rage against the dying of the light, the dying of my own Consciousness because of what I could have done to relieve the suffering men and beast had only I realized God earlier in my life, and began to speak the words I speak now 40 years ago before all the legions of fake, and half-baked spiritual teachers turned 21st Century spirituality into the mockery it is.

Modern spirituality is so utterly Pollyanish, positive-thinking, and ego-gratification  oriented, that the humility needed to surrender all that is irrelevant to knowing God within, has no foothold.

How to teach humility when half of mankind wants to escape suffering by withdrawing from feeling, wanting, attachments, absent a self, into a Nirvana of absolute peace, while the other half follow a wide spectrum of teachers of energy work, psychic phenomena, changing the world through affirmations and positive thinking.

There is no room for the message of a teaching that says, “As weak and pitiable as your life appears to be, if you give up all spiritual escapes and dreams of spiritual transcendence, as well as ever seeking life’s external pleasures, and instead look within, then FEEL WITHIN, reown the vistas of your humanity, your emotions, your love, neediness, fear, and rage—all those things society, family, and spiritual teachers told you to reject, and within that often described inner hell, once accepted fully and brought into one’s own self, find Self and the life divine.

In fully embracing your weaknesses, vulnerabilities, fears, hostility, you find the wisdom and bliss of God realization as Self.

Who listens to this message that you must descend into your own inner hell to find the light, because that hell is a self-created prison for all that you have rejected, and only by opening that prison will you have the power and energy to face God.

So, for five years I have been speaking this truth of truths: go within, feel within, open your heart to your own inner suffering, lostness, confusion, psychotic visions, lusts, loss of control, sexual fantasies, the Void and eternal emptiness, the Light of Consciousness, and to Love eternal paving the path to Self.  Who listens?  A very few.

The great teachers are dead and none have replaced them.  Nisargadatta, Ramana, Ramakrishna, Krishnamurti, even Osho.  Now the spiritual world is filled mostly with young, apparently charismatic midgets, teaching self-affirmations, self-fulfillment, or self-transcendence through various teachniques, and the greatest joke, teachers who claim not to be teachers, and claim there is nothing to teach, and no one to be taught, but make $600/hour teaching this.

I just watched a documentary on the Scientology church, Ron Hubbard, and the church’s opposition to psychotropic medication and psychotherapy, and who of just the largest three corporate entities out of 21 that comprise Scientology, are worth 1.5 billion dollars!  The tapes of Ron Hubbard are of a truly creepy, frightening man, who was worshipped, and who spread a cult of death based on a theology that were are inhabited by the ghosts of a long dead civilation called Thetans, that have to be extirpated, or cleared, through the use of E-meters (ohmmeter).  To become “clear” through E-meter monitoring can costs tens of thousands of dollars, and after that, there are more planes of progressive attainments costing many tens of thousands more.

In such a world, a message that God is found in one’s own inner hell, one inner feelings, confusion, fears, and vulnerabilities, has little persuasion.
Where is our center where we can all live in peace, not killing animals nor causing real harm to others, especially where “harm” today mostly means offending someone with a racist, ethnic, or feminist slur, while the real harms of war, corruption, corporate greed, are ever more deeply ingrained into our culture and psyches?

Therefore I rage against the dying of the light, my death, and my weak deeds, that had I discovered my truths before the tsunami of fake spirituality wash the world almost clean of Truth, might have made a difference.

Yes, I still burn inside.  Every day, most every hour, I am aware of the Life Force, the Sentience within, that burns and seethes like a cool fire revealing the background of ecstatic bliss of Self.  Yet it burns almost alone, and for that I feel such sorrow.

29 March 2015

Conversation with E.

Well I finished your book. Really eye-opening in multiple ways.

I also now know more that there is a significant limit to receiving help through the internet versus being in person.

Anyway, I guess the question I had is related to using love to find the self. I try to look for the I-feeling, but that just seems to reflect wherever my conscious is located, though I sometimes try to anchor it at the heart area.

This seems to be cheating the method though, since I figured it would be more naturally occurring.

So my question is should I be focused on feeling love in the heart center, and from there just letting it expand, or am I misinterpreting something? Also, if you have music you recommend while sitting to help the heart center along, I would appreciate a few recommendations.

It also seemed in the book that a lot of people gave a brief description of where they were in life so I guess I'll let you know too. I'm currently 21, a junior in college, single, panicking about leaving college and standing on my own (finance major), former stoner (as in two months ago), and would describe myself as quite sensitive (though not even my best friends would say that since I hide it, and tend to respond to insults that hurt me through sarcasm and faking that I'm fine). Also I really have wanted a good cry, but I have not had one in 4-5 years and struggle to show my full range of emotions (especially disagreement and sadness, though I can disagree with close friends or family. The sadness I mostly bottle up and "handle" on my own).

If you manage to read all this well then that's much appreciated, and feel free to respond if you get the chance.



Dear E.

It is more a matter of “feeling” within for the I-sense, the I-exist sense, the I Am alive sense.

A good place to start is by feeling in the heart area for the I-sensation.  Sometimes it is first felt like an electric spark there or some energy movement.  Just keep feeling within.  Be open to what you feel there.

Also, scan you body from toes to head once a day taking about 15 minutes to do it.  Get acquainted with how body feels from within.

Listen to sacred music as often as possible and by that I mean some on those listed in the chat room at http://satsangwithedji.weebly.com.  The password to be used 2 different times is   edjI   .  The chants are below the video area. 

The sadness you bottle up must be allowed to be felt fully.  This is a key to self-realization, for the saadness takes you much deeper into the self.  Also read my blog daily for practice tips and feedback from other students on their experiences and practices at http://itisnotreal.blogspot.com.

The fear you feel is also something worthwhile to deeply investigate. 

Look at my other recent posts on my blog about fining, exploring, and integrating emotions.



Hello Edji,

How does one discover who one is, or if there is more to oneself and what that is? How does one really “look within” or self-inquire without using the mind? I need to locate the feeling of I AM, I understand, but how is one to go about it? Do we repeat the two words till we can detect a feeling? I was trying but that seems to require thinking about the meaning of I AM, which then is a concept. Is there a way to bring up the feeling when one sits to meditate?

How does one move through the day so as to aid self discovery, as one goes about their usual activities?

Edji, as one progressively gets to know more about oneself, what changes? Do things that the average person cares about in the world stop mattering- “nothing matters”? I have been reading Nisargadatta and he seems to have reached a place where he was not afraid of or worried about anything- he did not suffer, and that also seems to be the aim of life in the Hindu tradition which, among others, the jnanis have attained. Does knowing oneself culminate in something like that? When one has just begun their journey, what changes for a person as they move along the path?



Look, I am just like you, but I have realized who I really am at all levels, from human, to God, and beyond to the absolute.

It makes no sense to continue to ask me about what and how I experience, or a Jnani experiences.

This is all about YOU and your experience. If you learn too much about what I experienced, it will influence too much what you will experience.  I have tons of stuff in my book, Self Realization and Other Awakenings about my experiences, but I always tell people to explore their own experiences.

Turn your attention within and feel who you are.  Get to know your body from the inside. Seek to know emotions from your own heart.

You are now following a path of understanding everything; instead look and feel within and FEEL everything.

In this way you will get to "own" all of you by bringing everything within your self, which becomes the Self.

Further Conversations with Students


It has been almost 3 years I know you. I have been following you through your website, blog, and facebook.

I have had glimpses of the I am when I first read your words. I was in bliss, ecstasy for weeks to go then. Then I left your advice and came back to the Witnessing that I had been practicing for a long time before I met you.

So, practically I am convincing myself that there is nothing that I have to go through you for spiritual advice. I thought that it is enough to witness the phenomena happening around and one day I will be illuminating with light, love and truth. But, edji it is not happening. I am feeling lifeless, empty and without any feeling. I am not in depression but I am not enjoying my life. I have no friends and really I am not interested on the people anymore. I am in a deep angst of rejection and cynicism. 

There is not a single hour for me without turning my mind inward and there I see only emptiness; no life is there throbbing. Why is this happening Edji? What do I have to do? 

I have read everything you have posted but a deep notion that they are not directed towards me always created problem to understand. So, would you please show me some light on how to move from this point? 

I really understand now that I do not know anything about anything in this world. All those witty words of kundalini, philosophy and wisdom-words have left their charm on me. They do not have any meaning to me anymore. I just want some words from you to move on. I need a living guidance now.


The antidote is love.  This is the entirety of my teachings.  In fact, my teachings are directly aimed at people like you who have become caught in the dryness of the witness state.

You must understand that standing in the witness has isolated you from your emotions and the vulnerability of your humanity.  This is why I use terms like Devotional Advaita, and loving introspection of all that arises in you.

But because you have receded to the witness state, nothing really arises because nothing can get into your heart, nothing can touch you deeply when you stay as witness.  Therefore, you do not FEEL the Life Force, you witness its manifestations.

If you have followed my website and blog you must realize that I dwelt in the state you describe ever since my original awakenings under Robert Adams, but in 2010 I had my third awakening to Realization of my Manifest Self, Shakti, and the Subtle Body, and my emotional-human nature after I fell in love.  That love came to me out of nowhere, I had not sought it, so I cannot prescribe it as a way back.  If it happens, it happens.

At this point the only thing you can do is open your heart and begin to experience your emotional life once again.  Emotions will give you energy, compassion, and LIFE! You need to reincarnate into your flesh.  That is why I use the phrase Incarnational Spirituality.


Instead of looking within into the emptiness, FEEL within, trying to feel the I Am sensation.  Start in your heart area and feel for that spark of life that ultimately leads to realization of the Self.

Frequently "scan" your body from toes, to knees, to pelvis, to gut, heart area, throatand head.  Do this slowly.  Feel the sensations in each area.  At first it will be a tingling, like electricity, which gradually, as you practice over a few weeks, grows in intensity and power.

When a feeling arises--any kind of feeling--instead of witnessing it, join it!  Allow it to expand by feeling it.  Coax into come into your heart, and later into the core of your being, your heart of hearts.  You have to get your center of Conscious to move downwards, into your heart area out of your head.

Play with these emotions, especially the negative ones, as you have lost contact with them by being a witness of them.  Let the scarey emotions be there, andlet them close in on your heart.  Invite them to come into you and if they appear too scarey to allow this, instead feel into the fear.

Get a book called Focusing by Eugene Gendlin.  This brief book explains in more detail how to get into your feelings and make them yours.  You have disidentified with your emotional being, and you need to get it back so that you can also experience your Subtle Body energies and bliss.

Very importantly, listen to sacred music, especially Hindu chants, Kittans and Bhajans.  They will help awaken your heart.  

Thus preparing the way, it is likely that someone will come intoyour life that will aid the process of awakening to the Manifest Self, the divine spark of sentience within the hearts of all sentient beings.

And, read my book, Self-Realization and Other Awakenings, found for free download at http://wearesentience.com.

This is enough for now.  It will be a long trip for you, but being in the witness for so long, means that when you do realize your Manifest Self, it will have enormous power from years of practice and remaining in the witness.

28 March 2015

Another Conversation with Steve



 I have always picked up with you a deep almost hidden anger that comes out in unexpected ways, usually against other people/guru's.  It came out in Facebook, on the blog and against various people.

I know as I have an anger buried deep also and I recognize with you....and others. 

The anger doesn't bother me at all but sometimes I wonder if this wasn't the reason so many devotees left....that is their weakness.

You are very blunt and straight forward and totally honest with your feelings.  I think other Guru's are frauds..you are the only TRUE teacher around and most of the fucking crowd can't handle that.  I say let them drop by the wayside. You are not going to sacrifice your morals to have a huge crowd adoring you.....your not like any of the others.

Your expectations are very high with every right to be but sometimes answers don't exist so don't put your expectations on the people of the world and disappointment won't arise.

If people can't accept you as Edji then screw them and find another avenue where you can be satisfied.



Anger is my friend, it gives me more energy.  Love is my friend, it makes me more mellow. Death and loss are my friends, it makes me go deeper into Self  in sorrow and awareness of how much I love life in myself and in others.

The same holds true for all other emotions and sates:  They give me life, energy, sensitivity, empathy, grace, compassion.  They are the gates to Self.

Conversations with Matti


I see it! I finally see the Background Thing! 

The emotions and even the world are just movements on the surface and it is the Background Thing that is beneath! How amazing it is! How wonderful!

While observing my returned anxiety I realized that I could feel behind that emotion the same basic background stuff I have been sensing recently around simple body sensations.

Until now, emotions have been in a way the most basic thing in my consciousness. Now I have this new thing being behind them without being entirely beyond consciousness. I could almost say it changes everything.

Oh, how it shines! How it so shines!



Lots of new stuff arises, even after full realization, because then the mind is mostly absent, or is ignored by Self, and with empty mind (or ignored mind) whatever arises is completely new and entirely energetic.  So, I cannot tell from your description whether you are becoming aware of the Void, or the energetic Subtle Body.  Both underlie thinking and emotions.


There is no fear, anxiety, stress, bitterness, sadness, hopelessness or even madness at the moment! All pain and negativity is gone! There is just joy and happiness!

This is amazing!




Conversation with Shankarananda


You were right about Advaita, Swamiji.  Only a half-way awakening.

When you meet the Self inside--God, that is  true spirituality.  Surrender, grace, bliss, worship, energies are yours then as well as the sure knowledge of who and what you are.

If you can convey even 5% in words you are doing well.  You transmit it by your being, energy, and bearing, and by your intent to transmit it.

If it takes torture, you torture.  Love, you create is and it transmutes.  If sex helps, use it.

I found it was intense love.

Still your friend,


From Shankarananda:


I'm deeply appreciating your recent communications...

Yes, exactly. That neo-advaita tends to be a head trip, leaving out all the good stuff you mentioned.

I can't put it in writing these days, but I see that you and I will discuss the role of tantra in spirituality at some point with great joy and some Starbucks coffee.

It's great to have my dear LA friend back. Thanks for your support. The Self can't help but always be optimistic.



From Me:

Swamiji, I was never neo-Advaita.  I was Nisargadatta Advaita.  And that poor prick--smart and sensistive as he was--killed his humanity and divorced himself from Consciousness in order to abide in the Witness, which he called Self.  He left the real Self, the Manifest Self behind as he got old and was dying.

From Steve--Conversations

Sri Edji,  

Last night I just Let the (chanting) music  play and flow into my Heart Center. It became so strong that the overflow went into my lower gut and head center.   Tingling, so pleasurable, so changing and vibrating.

It felt like the music was actually originating from my head.  I became the source of the melody.

The Heart Center became stronger and I could feel you and your Heart Center joining with mine.   Realizing that Edji wasn't there but the Self, and that Self  was pumping  'energy' right into me, waves and particles.   I felt that you and I were the same being, the same existence.    

It is like being in Heaven, just colors, lights, feelings and emotions just flowing...I became all that and the personality disappeared.  

It gets deeper and deeper, the swirling lights are pulling me into the Center of  something wonderful.  I can feel it just pulling on the center of my head like I am going to fall.

And the deeper part,,,the body isn't me at all, if it wasn't for Grace the body would be inert and lifeless.  If anything I AM that undefined, flowing, loving, creating Grace

It just kept pulsating like this for hours as I listened to my stimulating music.  Coming in stronger then getting lighter then stronger then lighter....just back and forth like a pendulum. 




How does one discover who one is, or if there is more to oneself and what that is? How does one really “look within” or self-inquire without using the mind? I need to locate the feeling of I AM, I understand, but how is one to go about it? Do we repeat the two words till we can detect a feeling? I was trying but that seems to require thinking about the meaning of I AM, which then is a concept. Is there a way to bring up the feeling when one sits to meditate?

How does one move through the day so as to aid self discovery, as one 
goes about their usual activities?

Edji, as one progressively gets to know more about oneself, what changes? Do things that the average person cares about in the world stop mattering- “nothing matters”? I have been reading Nisargadatta and he seems to have reached a place where he was not afraid of or worried about anything- he did not suffer, and that also seems to be the aim of life in the Hindu tradition which, among others, the jnanis have attained. Does knowing oneself culminate in something like that? When one has just begun their journey, what changes for a person as they move along the path?


It is a long, hard path to Self-Realization, but as opposed to realization of the Absolute that Nisargadatta teaches, I teach realization of the Manifest Self, the aliveness within, the Life Force--joy--life---love--self-knowledge.  Then you stand strong like a mountain with the life force burning within, exploding with intensity, love. Over time the intense impulses decrease and smooth out with a residual underlying joy and knowledge of who you are and that all is well.

Read my book at http://wearesentience.com free download.



Sometimes Ed, I just don’t know what to make of life. I just find everything to be pointless. Going to work seems like a prison sentence. Sometimes, I just wonder, what is the point of being a human being? I close my and I try to look for the “I AM”. It is not completely black because I have practiced intensive meditation in the past. I feel that if I could just find the “I AM”, life will have more meaning. Right now, the constant feeling of the pointlessness of life haunts me. I listen to your Satsangs to try and feel my way through this feeling. Sometimes it helps because your voice is really soothing. Some days, I simply want to walk out of my job and go home.

Is the any advice that you can give me that will help me to deal with this period?


I walked out of my job at the university and just disappeared into myself.

Years before that I walked out of a high paying government job and went into the desert.

But, realize that whatever situation you walk away from, the feelings and experiences that caused you to walk away--you take them with you!  So until you can deal with the underlying feelings, it helps little to walk away.

I suggest a long vacation or making up a reason to get a longer leave of absence from your employer, and use that time for intensive self-work, of self-inquiry, loving your subjective self, and listening to sacred music.

On the other hand, sometimes you can feel like the world is rejecting you and forcing you out. It is as if destiny, Shakti, Karma, whatever you want to call it, is directing you to get out of the rat race and get totally into your self.


I was looking at these two images you had previously posted to facebook and trying to understand what Absolute, absolute Witness and Manifest Self refer to. I have read some of your posts about how your previous awakening experiences were and how it was when you experienced something more. So I picked the part of your book that talks about your experience with somebody called Rene and read that first. I'll go back and read from the start.

Can the path of love and energy that you teach for realising the Manifest Self be followed upto the point where one realizes the Absolute?


It is a natural progression beginning from realization of the Manifest Self for many, such as for Nisargadatta.

Others, such as Ramakrishna enjoy the joy and Manifest Self experience so much they decide to reject the Absolute, as did I,and stay in the joy of being/life.

26 March 2015

I was awake and roiling inside all night, so today has jittery unhinged feeling. I'm very aware of my subtle body, energy low but swirling. Can't rest.
More cycles of sadness and some thinking about the past. I go to the zen center on Sat. Two friends are receiving Inka as new teachers. I've known them both since the first day they visited the Zen center. Sometimes I was the only person in the building on Saturdays, so I greeted a lot of visitors over the years. These two guys both seemed at home immediately.
I still think Seun Sahn’s school setup is effective for the first 3 or 4 years, then people leave.
I feel kind of melancholy, too. I was a very good teacher during and after graduate school, had all kinds of jobs ....felt like I could teach anything ...just loved that exchange. But I couldn't maintain it well enough over the years and gave it up.
So all the sad feelings are also arising, as I see these guys both kind of fly through life happy and healthy. I don't have great control over how I feel lately ... My stuffing feelings down abilities are no-existent. I'm afraid of being overwhelmed in the crowd on Sat. I'll just have to keep focused on other people, forget my self concerns.
I just feel so volatile inside, like I have a solar flare in my belly.

Being both sad and irritated like an inflammation inside is exhausting and leaves me lonely.
I like your last posts on the blog. Your writing is so clear and pointed.


I'll tell you a secret: I am always burning, like a simmering volcano. But the fires are not hot; it is the intensity of my own pure being without thought and which dissolves all emotions in pure welcoming and joy!
Light, energy, love, the fires of the Life Force--all seething, boiling. Oh how wonderful to be so alive!!
All the negativity and thought is being burned out of you. You have already seen the light at the end of the tunnel and have faith in your path.
You are doing well, but you cannot see it yet.

PS:  Don’t be envious of the two, they will be teaching beginning students who will stay three years.  This is called Kindergarten. You have entered the graduate school of spirituality.

25 March 2015

These comes a time for most on a spiritual path where they have to let go of everything they have read by teachers, whether Ramakrishna, Nisargadatta, Ram Das, Sasaki Roshi, or the various Gita’s and admit to themselves that all of these teachings are at some point, contradictory to the other teachings.  There are no general truths that all traditions agree on, or at not modified even within the same tradition over time.

Any teaching has to be expressed in words, and all of those words are concepts—maps about spiritual experience, not the experience itself.

Up to this point all that you have are other peoples’ teachings or concepts that are part of a larger network of thoughts and generally accepted concepts about what spirituality is about, or enlightenment and self-realization are about, explained usually not in terms of actual experiences, but in terms of other concepts. That is, enlightenment is explained in terms of different kinds of Samadhis, or progressives states of poorly defined stages of emptiness. 

But when you recognize you have only learned and repeated the concepts of others, you are ready to walk your own path with no guarantees of a successful conclusion.
But I’ll give you a hint: your mind can never find the truth, can never find who you are.  It can only talk about what you are, provide a map of You.  But as Alfred Korzybski famously stated, “The map is not the terrain.”  The map is about the terrain, but you cannot walk on the map to get from point A to point B.

So to get to awakening from where you are now, you have to stop reading maps about the terrain of enlightened or non-enlightened mind, point B and point A, and instead look for point A in yourself, because unless you know where you are, you certainly cannot get to point B, supposedly where you are not.  Anything said about point B is just other peoples’ opinions, and is not your experience.

The weird thing is, that staying at point A, abiding there, accepting the experience of point A will eventually get you to point B, which is the experience of the completed and whole Self.  Successfully doing this requires throwing away all maps, all spiritual concepts from Tolle, to Ramana, to Robert Adams, Ram Das, Osho, and Krishnamurti.  I don’t care what they said or which of their quotes are trotted out.  They are speaking about their experience and their maps, not your experience and your maps.

A truly exceptional teacher will try to get you to look within for who you are, that spark of “I exist,” “I am alive,” and to follow that backwards to a pre-verbal experience of existence, existence without thought, dropping progressively lower into your self-experience.

But this process can become very dry and you can become lost in saying goodbye to what you had thought yourself to be as you go deeper and deeper into Self, and lost into the process of sinking itself and become lost in the experience of emptiness.

To offset this tendency, when you go within, you need to go within with feeling, with acceptance of all that arises, with love of all that arises that takes all experience into your heart.  Embrace everything that arises within as you.

Then you will truly realize at some point you are all that exists, and more…  You are also the divine that people seek:  the source of life and the universe.  Discovering God within yourself is a beginning of a whole new movement from within: sentience arising, boiling and burning in love and acceptance.

     For my whole life I have had this dream of being some kind of hero. Last ten years I have devoted everything to make this dream come true. I have been hunting something that could make me strong and powerful so I could be this shining person of my dreams. I ended up practicing western occultism and I became more wise than ever before.

     Then this wisdom helped me to see the truth. My dream was impossible. What I wanted couldn't exist in this reality we live in. It was a child's dream that came from books and comics. It was foolish dream. Yet it was my only dream and goal. And now it's gone. The painful obsession is gone, but so is the meaning in my life.

     It is strange how painful this realization was. But in a way I feel I deserve the pain, because I failed the one thing that mattered. I failed to be special and I became like everyone else. 

     Actually it is worse than that. I never was special and never could be. We are all many things, but still humans in the end. I wanted to be better and stronger than all the others. I wanted to shine brighter than anyone else.

     Now I have realized the truth. It hurts. It so hurts.


     Fundamentally we are all alike; we are all human, vulnerable, etc.

     But, when you discover that basic bottom -most layer of consciousness in yourself, you find endless magic of the divine within you. You discover you are also God--that is special.

     Then your life's mission is to show everyone else that they are God.



     Would this bottom layer be the background of body sensations? The almost liquid stuff that surrounds and in a way fills all sensations that are related to the body? The basic stuff where kinesthetic and tactile sensations appear?


     Yes, the messy part of life, energy, subtle energies, the senses and the scene.

    The being human part is unbelievable. This sentience is God.


     Oh, how it shines! How it so shines!
There is no fear, anxiety, stress, bitterness, sadness, hopelessness or even madness at the moment! All pain and negativity is gone! There is just joy and happiness!

     This is amazing!


     It has been a long, uneven path for you. Even though you have found the Self, God within, the shining one, expect a continuing of the ups and downs. Everything that has been lost in you has to be renowned and brought back into the home of your heart, This takes time and patience.

     In the end you will be surprisingly ordinary, yet happy, and perhaps you will retain the constant happiness and bliss of knowing your Self--the Self each of us has as the gift of life.